TLDR version: I’m down two partners, a triad, a house, and one of my oldest friends. It’s been a rough month. I keep trying to remind myself I’m the kind of person who gets her covid booster and her flu shot in the same arm at the same time because I’d rather it hurt all at once. It’s definitely all hurting at once.
I realize this may (or may not?) come as a surprise after my last post, but Sean and I have mutually decided to end our marriage. We recently hit a major road block we couldn’t get past and it forced us both to reevaluate our relationship.
I know people will think that polyamory is what broke us up, and I’ll be honest, our inability to handle a situation between our partners was the source of the final straw. But the truth is that if Sean and I hadn’t opened our relationship, we would’ve broken up a long time ago. If anything, polyamory gave us an additional three years together; it prolonged our marriage. We’re both sad we weren’t able to make it work, but polyamory helped us, it didn’t hurt us.
We’ve agreed on everything, including 50/50 custody of Ever, and have decided to file for legal separation on our own and just hire an attorney to review and submit the paperwork for us. We may or may not technically get divorced, since neither of us really plans to ever marry again.
The big challenge is we need to sell the house. Sean plans to buy a condo in Portland asap and I’ll move out and rent a house with my kids. (I need a much bigger house, so I won’t be in a position to buy again until interest rates come down). I want to stay as close to our current house as possible so Ever can go to school here. I also really love living so close to my shop.
As if that wasn’t difficult enough, Jenna and I are no longer romantic partners. I don’t really want to get into it much except for to say that I take 100% responsibility for it; she was a fantastic partner who did absolutely nothing wrong. It just turns out that I’m mostly heteroromantic and that simply wasn’t fair to either of us, especially her. It’s very sad all the way around.
That also means we lost the triad, so Rob has plenty to grieve too. It’ll be a long time before I can hang out with both of them at the same time without it hurting. I plan to avoid that for a while. (My relationship with Rob is solid. So is his relationship with Jenna. That was never in question).
As for the old friend I lost… it’s funny because loyalty wouldn’t necessarily seem like something I’d focus on much, given that I don’t need it in the traditional sense when it comes to romantic relationships. But I do when it comes to friends. If after 12 years of friendship, you hear I’m going through a divorce, and you contact my soon-to-be-ex-spouse instead of me, that’s a hard limit.
So that’s three relationship deaths in as many weeks, four if you count the triad as a separate relationship, which I do. Not to mention having to sell our beautiful house. My hot tub! 😩
It’s pretty much everything, everywhere all at once, only I don’t know kung fu. It’s been a rough few weeks, I’m not gonna lie. I loved(d) each of them in unique, individual ways. It’s been a huge loss, and that’s exactly how it feels. I’m doing okay mentally, but it’s really becoming difficult to get off the couch. Depression, even when obviously warranted, is still a bitch.