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May 10, 2011


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Lost your job? Ouch. Even though it's a good thing, because it forces you to write, it still stings when you lose a job (I've been there), especially when it's a job you like.

Buckle up buttercup and keep on writing! (PS- have you been pitching articles/ columns while you're writing your book? Not just the Sundays project, but one off writing projects?)


Wow Amanda! To say that stuff about your ex is AWFUL! I thought you were concerned about your kids "one day reading this". Could have fooled me.

I think your ex has every right to have the kids sleep with him. I don't see how you can blame any of them. Their life has been completely undone the last year, so it is no wonder they feel insecure and want to sleep with someone. Also, you have ZERO respect for your ex husband or his wishes when it comes to the kids (e.g., introducing your boyfriend of 4 months at the time to your kids against your agreement with your ex, having your boyfriend of only 6 months living at your home essentially full time with your children there, etc.). So, since you have no consideration for your ex's wishes when you have the kids, why should he have any for yours? To call him names in a public forum as a result just goes to show how you don't give a shit about him or his feelings. So, more power to him and the kids to sleep together. If that gives them some security in the mess you've created, too bad for you!


Yeah, now that you'd rather have bald man in your bed, the kids are an annoyance. And how nice of you to call your ex "fat man." can't wait for your kids to read this blog someday... Geez.


I can see how it would be frustrating to have Genoa not sleeping in her own bed (and your ex to be encouraging that) but how does her not sleeping in her bed affect your love life? I was under the impression that you and Joel did not share a bed(or overt affection) when your kids were there.


The last sentence of #18 made me LOL. Furthermore, didn't he just get his panties in a wad about Genoa sleeping in bed with you and Joel? WTF!

My husband doesn't maintain the discipline of the routine either. My daughter has to ask him at like 11:00 "can i go to bed now?"

Amanda P. Westmont

For the record "Fat Man" is not a derogatory term, it's just a fact. I used to call him that. Just like he spent the first half of our marriage calling me "Fattie."


Oh Hell, I'll tackle this -
1. I love waking up and spooning with the hubby, we fit like a glove too! You just cant beat it!
2.HA! I wish! If i dont wansh my hair (long) every.single.day. it looks like i went head first into a pot of crisco. Lucky you!
3. I'm just happy when we have all the money to pay all the bills.
4. I've had therapy. Did me well. Cant afford it anymore. Even with good health insurance, it just sucks that it's considered an "extra" in our home. We find other ways to work our shit out. Guess we're ok tho.
5. Yummy! But like my ass needs it.
6. Was it mutual? Sometimes things happen for a reason.....
7. Good Luck!
8. It's nice to have that kinda support!
9-10-11-12-13 & 14. Parenting. All sounds good to me. Glad you got to spend some good time with kiddos!
15-16-17 & 18. My kiddo is a bed-bouncer. We had him in his own bed for awhile, we went to showin our ass with one another, Hubby moved to his mommas for a month, kiddo started sleeping with me again. I have no excuses. I was lonely. It was nice having him to snuggle with. NOW, it's been 2 years since and he still gets up and goes to his sisters room. He's 8. You can take away my "good parenting badge" now. I suck, i know, but i'm ok with it.
and FINALLY #19. I enjoy reading your blog so i'm glad you posted. I read it because i am nosy. Plain and simple. Sometimes i think, "Man, she's fucking the monkey on this or that issue" and sometimes i think
"God, she is right on target!" Either way, i'm just nosy. :)

Whew girl! Guess i'm feeling opinionated today! That was alot. LOL


Amanda. Why do you bash Dave? Fat Man IS derogatory, no matter how you try to pitch it. So what if he called you names while you were married? You aren't married anymore and it just makes you look witchy. Be the bigger person...if you can!

And really, you two had a fight and you told him it was okay for Genoa to be in bed with you and Joel? Can you address this? Because I really hope it's not true!


I understand the frustration regarding the sleeping issue. Both at my brother's house and at my mom's-Josie gets to sleep in bed with them (always at Grandmas, if she chooses with her aunt). So-every Tuesday I have to listen to a fuss about her being too scared to sleep in her bed. Which I refuse to cave to (I'm soooo mean . .. . ).

Now we have a reward system in where she gets marbles for being good and gets them taken away when she's not (and we have a poster board list of "good" and "bad" behaviors). Works like a charm. She gets to choose a reward every weekend that she has more marbles than me. Believe me-any whining stops when i start removing marbles from the jar!

Good luck with the writing! See you Saturday?


The funny thing is that, just a few weeks ago, you said that when Joel spends the night, he sleeps on the couch, Alex in his bed and you in bed with Genoa and ABSOLUTELY no hanky panky (barely even hand holding) with the kids there.

Just to be clear, you insult David for "undoing" the training you did to get Genoa to sleep alone. However, you claim that you were sleeping with Genoa in her bed while Joel was on the couch. So, it's ok for you to share a bed with Genoa, but it isn't ok for your ex-husband?

Apparently, the whole no fooling around bit with the kids there has all gone out the window or it just wasn't true to begin with (I am inclined to think it's the latter), and now your children are getting in the way of your sex life. Poor you!

Like Abby said, I am curious about the whole Joel sleeping in bed with Genoa thing. If that's true, I have to ask WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU THINKING??? I cannot believe you have your little, soon to be 5 year old girl sleeping in the same bed as your BOYFRIEND of six month!! Seriously?? This is very inappropriate. I am not saying Joel is a child molester or anything, but Amanda, you just never know. I mean, you've only known the guy for six months for crying out loud! This stuff happens every day. I've had MANY friends tell me that they were molested by their mother's boyfriends when they were young girls in situations exactly the same as yours.

It sounds like you are once again, putting your needs ahead of your children's needs. Shame on you a thousandfold!!


Funny, my husband (and later the both of us) had the same problem with his ex. She encouraged the boys to sleep with her, especially the younger one. He (with my prodding) kept encouraging them to sleep on their own (mind you they were 10 & 7). This was around the time Dr. Phil was still on Oprah and he was talking to a woman who let her son sleep with her and her husband. Dr. Phil said, "So when your son is 16 is he going to throw his keys on the nightstand and say 'move over mom'?" That has SO stuck in my mind! Dr. Phil also said that it is important for kids to sleep in their own beds because if they don't it causes regressive behaviour (or something like that).

Stick to your guns and be consistent!


I'm sure as soon as their dad finds someone willing to share his bed with him, magically he will be more interested in insisting they stay in their beds. Little girls should not be snuggling in bed all night with their dads, nor should the kids share a bed with you and Joel.


I'm sorry that you lost your job. However, I think it's a blessing. I wanted to let you know that I read your book this weekend while I took a little road trip with my kiddos, and I.LOVED.IT. Seriously, it was just great. Honestly? I didn't know what to expect - I've followed your blog(s) for years and I thought - a mole? She got inspiration from a mole? But I am a huge fan. I cannot wait for your next one to come out, so GET TO IT WOMAN! :)


@Olive Where do you get "introducing your boyfriend of 4 months at the time to your kids against your agreement with your ex" from?

I am pretty sure I recall from the post regarding the intro Joel to the kids, that Amanda had ran it Dave asking if he wanted to me Joel. He declined trusting Amanda's judgment.


From my experience Dad's are bad rule enforcers. My dad was raising me, and Eric will take the lazy route and give into Aaron to avoid toddler hysterics. I think it's something ingrained in men.

Chill Pill, Anyone?

For older children, there are more appropriate forms of comfort than spending the entire night in bed with adults. Being re-tucked in, soothing back rub, etc.

We had problems with my hubby's ex letting their daughter sleep with her whenever she didn't have a 'flavor of the moment' man over. Not because it was necessary for the daughter, but because her mom didn't want to feel lonely-filling her emotional void with her kid instead of a healthy adult relationship.

Usually the reasons behind allowing it are better resolved in therapy or through other, affirming comfort methods.

For those of you that have never been in a blended family/relationship situation, please kindly exit to the left, thank you very much. While you may think you have a right to pass judgement on Amanda's behavior (I'll admit, sometimes I want to, but I bite my lip), you have NO IDEA unless you are in it every single moment. You are probably the same people that will automatically assume that if I mention the fact I'm a step-mom that I must be some young hussy that lured him away from his loving wife. WRONG. Don't throw rocks in glass houses YO.

faraway reader

Hair tip anyone ?

I am blonde and can go 2-3 days between a wash and full blow dry, my hair looks better than the day I washed it. I still shower daily (shower cap) but have really reduced my hair washing and my colour lasts much longer.

I use a bit of baby powder, a suggestion from my hair dresser, at the scalp/roots and it works wonderfully.

Amanda P. Westmont

Ha! One of the main reasons I go so long between washings is that it saves not only my hair (which doesn't love the blow dryer), but it also saves on products: shampoo, that special purple shampoo for blonds, that stupid deep conditioner I have to use every time I wash, Aveda leave-in conditioner and anti-humectant, etc. None of it is cheap! Have you seen dry shampoo? It's basically spray-on baby powder and it rocks the casbah.


Amanda, I am glad to see your edit...you will thank yourself in the long run for being a bigger person. :)

I don't think you and Joel sleeping with your kids is quite the same as their own father sleeping with them - kinda an apples and oranges thing. But I am so glad to hear you say that you would not allow that to happen. I am sure Joel is a great guy but that, as you said, would be insane.


I only wash my ridiculously long hair 2 times a week...and usually I only brush it right before I wash it...you should totally give up brushing your hair! I would be hilarious!! Love you! Excited to hang with you and Jules this weekend!


It would be hilarious.


I don't have kids, so I'm going to ignore the comments telling you how to raise the tiny humans that came out of YOUR vagina. Ahem.


That said, I LOVE Sauve Damage Control Professionals. My hair has seen everything from jet black to blond and it it the only shampoo/conditioner that makes my hair feel fantastic. I *think* I'm blond, but I'm having too much fun experimenting with what looks best on me. When I made the transition from BLACK to BLOND let me tell you that your hair will cry and beg for mercy but I've been playing with hair color (because my mom was awesome) since I was 12ish. I've played with the pricey stuff, but that Suave? God Send. I can tell the difference. Also: Doesn't cost arm+leg=yay =D


On the plus side, with the job loss now you can be more involved in Genoa's school, meet other moms, set up play dates, etc. :)


They're old enough to know that the rules at Mom's are different than the rules at Dad's. Stick to your guns.


Here's the thing... I think you are very brave to follow your heart. I am just now commenting after all the drama of the last few months, but I am a HUGE fan. And have been for YEARS. Please know that you have my continued support, no matter what. All these other people can suck it. If we lived closer I can PROMISE you we would be BFF's...


I just finished reading GRAVY, and I totally got paid to do it. At work and I'm quitting smoking so when I had an urge to light up today, I thought, "Hey, why don't I read a few pages?" WRONG! Read the whole book today! Great job, I really enjoyed it! (Also cried like a freakin' baby.)

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