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October 11, 2010

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Amy

I think you are cruel and funny! Blog on!

You'll never please everyone. And no, you don't have to pay me to tell you that.

marnilla

I thought your post was hilarious - not sure why there was all this anger about you making fun of men on line. . .I met my husband on POF (which I loved, by the way) and I agree with you wholeheartedly that online dating is the Way To Go. I had a great time, loved the control it gave me over the process, and Maybe just because I have my bs radar intact, had no problem avoiding the idiots and weirdos. . .I was constantly amazed by how many men responded who had not even read my profile, who thought that I'd even consider emailing someone who hadn't put a picture up? Who seemed to think that I was desperate for sex or whatever it was they "had" ---and if I'd had a blog then I would have joyfully made fun of them on it, so you go girl!
I am thrilled to have met my partner; he's the love of my life and I never would have found him without the internet!

rosetta

Oh, God, this post made me so uncomfortable. So mean spirited!

Stephen

Frankly I would not use these "free" dating services and would stick to the more legitimate ones such as eHarmony. I have friends who have actually married or entered into serious relationships with people they met on eHarmony. These free sites are the equivalent of the old Craig's List adult services ads, minus the blunt honesty and the price lists.

A few salient point I have learned from my divorced friends (both men & women) about online dating:

1. 90% of the men are looking for one thing and one thing only (a quick hook up). Everything they will post, email, say is to that end. Just to set that straight. Maybe this is what Amanda is looking for, shrugs - no insult intended.

2. Most of the men posting on online dating sites are lying about something important - I learned this from a client who provided background security checks to eHarmony.

3. If you are thinking about getting serious with someone - do a credit check and background check - a serious one. Do you really want to fall for someone who is several hundred thousand $$ in debt?

4. Lastly - and so importantly - you are not "an island" in your online dating efforts. You have young children. Anyone you bring home or bring into your home you are bringing into your children's home and their life. Try as you might, you will not be able to keep these aspects of your life separate.

There are some seriously messed up individuals out there posing as regular people. Be very careful and don't let your hormones decide what is best for your children. Err on the side of your children's well being please.

Also, reconciliation is always an option with one's former spouse. Assuming there wasn't some irrevocable issue there such as abuse or a chemical addiction, etc.

Once Amanda has sampled the single life and slaked her hormonal thirst, she should seriously consider if a reconciliation is an option. Her children would be the better off for it. People are always thinking there is just "one person" for them in the entire world and if they could only find that one person, they would have a fairy tale life. The reality is we can be happy with probably several thousand people in the world - your happiness must always be worked for, there is no fairy godmother.

Today just happens to be my 20th wedding anniversary - no kidding - I can show you the massive arrangement of flowers I assaulted my wife's school with in total shameless affection. Has it always been a perfect marriage of puppy dog love and romance, not at all. But is has been 20 years of love, affection, romance, companionship, partnering and being there for each other thru thick & thin, thru life and death, for richer and for poorer. As a result, we have strong, confident teenagers who regularly surprise the hell out of us.

Elizabeth

Stephen, what you probably don't know is that all Amanda is looking for is sex. I read her profiles on these sites and she makes that VERY clear. All she is after is sex with men and women, so it is no surprise to see the type of guys she's attracting. You are right, she may as well go the sleazy Craig's List route.

anonymous

Wow, Stephen..........."happy anniversary". What an unusual place to look for affirmation on such a momentous occasion. You should really consider a career in marriage counseling...........

Stephen

@Elizabeth: I looked at one of Amanda's dating profiles - actually I think she's attempting to be honest but that honestly will only be taken advantage of by men looking for a quickie.

Question: assuming Amanda is just "out on the prowl" how can she honestly protect herself against STD's and the like. I would be scared sh!tless over that prospect. Shudder.

Do you meet up and head for the nearest clinic for a pair of tests?

@Anon: thanks - the coincidence is purely coincidental I assure you.

Mel

First off...Stephen looking up Amanda's dating profiles? Rather creepy with a dash of stalkerish if you ask me!

Secondly, give the girl a break! She wants to get out and meet people and that's exactly what she's doing! How is going out during the times her children are with their father hurting them in any way? Would it be better for her to be sitting at home alone every other week knitting sweaters for the 20 cats she'll some day have when her kids are grown and she's never pursued a life for herself? Just because she's not interested in a relationship or marriage does NOT mean she's ONLY interested in sex. And the funny thing is, if she WAS out there saying how she'd love to be married again, some of you would have problems with that too! She's an adult and she's trying to live her life the best way she can for herself AND her kids. If that offends you so much, that's okay, because it's NOT YOUR LIFE!

And the whole reconciliation thing? How do you know that Dave even WANTS to? For all you know, when Amanda and Dave had the whole "love you but not in love with you" conversation, Dave breathed a sigh of relief and felt the same way? None of us has any idea what exactly happened. Would I like to know every single juicy detail? Sure I would, but it's none of my business and Amanda owes us NOTHING.

Elizabeth

Mel, funny no one ever said she wasn't interested in marriage or a relationship - sounds like you read her profile too because you are quoting it directly!  And you call Stephen a stalker!  Either that or my guess is that "Mel" is Amanda commenting on her own blog!

Mel

Uh, no Elizabeth...Amanda said that she wasn't interested in anything serious in an earlier entry and that she's just dating.

Would I do things the same way Amanda is if I were in her situation? No way, because that's just not me or my personality. Nor do I agree with everything she's done. But it's not for me to sit here and judge her or think I know what's best for her or her kids. My whole point is let her live her life the way SHE chooses to because she's not harming her kids! To insinuate that by not trying to reconcile with Dave or by going out and meeting new people and daring to have a social life, she's somehow harming her children and they're going to grow up "damaged" in some way is offensive to every other parent (mother OR father) who has raised their children without a spouse.

stephen

Mel - the very fact Amanda's life has a comments field attached to it means all comments within reason are allowed and encouraged. I don't believe Amanda asked for comments that only agreed with her lifestyle. I don't think anything I have said is offensive. If others take my comments as offensive to them, I would say they have some self reconciliation to do.

As for looking up her dating profile, it took about 10 seconds to google her profile so i don't see anything wrong with that. Others had commented about it so I was curious.

And as for single parenting, I don't think you are going to find may articles that say single parenting is better than multiple parent parenting. Do you?

Reality Check

Holy immaturity. Also, I totally knew that the attention seeking, I-think-I'm-so-cute, slutty, desperado photo you have placed as your pic here was being used to lure men. It screams "DESPERATE!" Is that the look you were going for? If so, WAY TO GO!

Joel

Dam, girl, you look fine in that pitchur. Your hair is so extra spicy I jus wanna run my fingers threw it an lick um off.

Imma treat you right. Lets just you an me meet, maybe at Izzy's (my treat) or Olive Garden (but its gotsta be dutch).

Hell, forget all that. Imma pay for it all because i can tell girl that yo are 1 classy lady who needs a reel man to take care of her.

After our dining excursion we'll cum back to my mom's house an i will take you to tha hieghts of ecstacy in my basement pleasure palace. An you know there ain't nothin to worry bout cuz my mom work nites. have you accepted jesus in to yor heart, cuz i have an if you aint then i'll show you tha way.

ariel

I don't get the negativity. I'm newly married and can still appreciate the love and excitement of dating and meeting new people. I never did the online dating thing since I met the man that would be my husband when I was 18, but I think it sounds really fun! This post actually reminds me of the creepers of myspace back a couple years, and it IS funny! I find everything about this whole adventure inspiring; a woman can be a good mom and have her fun too. The week on/week off situation is ideal, of course, but I'm happy they're both getting their special time with the kids =)

anonymous

This is really mean - like High School mean. I guess that explains it because Amanda has the maturity level of a 15 year old. How about behaving like a grown up? What if one of these guys saw this on your blog? It isn't hard for them to find you and you have no idea what any of these guys can do. Very stupid to provoke people. Obviously, brains are not your strong suit!

Deneen

This was sooooooooooooooooo funny. I had to tell you that I was laughing out loud when I read it. I hope your dating experience improves!

sam

Be a little more shallow and divisive why don't you? I love the double standards that women seem to ignore throughout life. Not only do men have to do most of the HARD work and putting ourselves out there in almost every forum, but then we have to worry about getting made fun of with petty trash talking amongst you and your friends (or worse, A BLOG!). Don't worry though ladies, we'll keep trying... even though all the rules are different for you.

sam

And at the end of the day, who the hell are you Amanda? lol... Geez, we're all people and if you don't like what you see or what you've been offered, then move on! Get off your high horse, stop being so judgmental, and stop thinking that the world revolves around women. We are all in this together. Shame on you for mocking anyone who put themselves out there in an effort to find happiness.

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