Plenty of fish...

So it should come as no surprise that I've been doing some online dating. I'm really not sure how people used to date BEFORE the Internet, but it probably involved a lot of spectacularly awful dates. Not that I haven't had a handful of those MYSELF.

Mostly, though, online dating is RAD. Actually, to quote my own self, it's RAD^RAD! I have profiles up at some of the big free dating sites and let's just say I get some INTERESTING responses. (EDITED TO ADD: There isn't a single photo on my dating profile that y'all haven't seen right here on this blog! My main profile picture is the same as the one right here on my blog.)

Like these ones, all of which went unanswered for somewhat obvious reasons. I get something like ten of these a week...

Going shooting tomorrow. Want to go? Friends first and my friends are very trust worthy. We are going to Haag Lake. Leaving at 9 am. Lets go shoot.

[We've never met and you want me to show up somewhere to meet your friends? WITH GUNS? N.O. to the NO!]

   just get back to me and i will take care of the rest....and stop being so cute, your killing me!

[I'll try.]

   Hi i would like to meet you!!!

[Then maybe you should find a picture of something other than your  manwaddle.]

i read your profile > and i just wanted to ask have you ever dated or considered dating a brotha , or how bout this have you ever even had a black friend? cause i realized plus being from alabama that up here? you you white people can go your whole intire without ever even meeting a black person , and i was just curious about it hope i diddnt offend you by asking that, but your body build up ?,appeals more to the brothers babe .. and your beautifull face is just extra ..tits dont really matterto brothers much ...

[WHERE DO I EVEN START WITH THIS ONE?!]

   ho ware you today are you real

[Oh, I'm real. And my punctuation is SPECTACULAR.]

   ;)

[:/]

hello sexy hi u u turn me on holdin tha 38 u got there i love a woman that can handle firein a gun n ur sexy lovely combination holla back sexy my name is jon

[It's a .357 actually...]

  You look so shy. An innocence that is cute. Do you want to talk?

[Shy? Innocent? HAHAHAHAHA.]

You are an absolute goddess! You set an inferno raging in me!
I love your pictures so much. VERY SEXY!

[THIS KID WAS ONLY NINETEEN! Of course I set an inferno raging inside him! I have breasts!]

u r funny! and look damn fine holding a gun.

 [If that's true, then I most definitely deserve the extra time it takes to type the letters "y" and "o"!]

you are super sexy just saying 

[And I'm "just saying" NO.]

Comments

[Amber]

To fully enjoy this post, I think we need to see these pictures they are responding to!

[JenKelly]

I love you! You crack me up!!

[Annagrace]

Ha ha ha ha...so funny.

[mm]

OMG. I would die.

[Kerri Anne]

YEE-IKES.

I feel confident in my (current) assertion that I will not be online dating ever again, amen. Not that I have necessarily online dated, but because of how C and I originally met, I honestly think (see also: know) my parents will disown me if I ever bring home another guy I texted/DM'd/emailed more than I actually talked to. Ha!

[A'Dell]

I met my husband online and YES, online dating is like the most fun EVER. It's so ridiculously entertaining and the things people say/post are just...so blog-worthy. The power to screen on such a widespread level is intoxicating.

[Samm]

Ohhhh I love this!!! I get a similar thing on there too....too much fun! I especially like the guys that argue with themselves, bombarding me with messages in the early hours of the morning!!!

[Liz]

I have had great luck with internet dating. It's pretty awesome. That being said Plenty of Fish is crap. Total crap. There were a lot of people who wanted to go out to clubs or walk on the starry beach. (Neither of which are my thing, and anyway that last one is so fake, you know they're just luring you out there to sacrifice you to some terrifying ancient daemon.)

I'm partial to okcupid (met both of my last boyfriends there, and a couple really interesting people that it didn't work with).

[Annika]

Oh my, that is so too funny! I used to get a ton of messages like that when I was "out there" myself. Sometimes it's fun to mess with the more clueless bananas in the bunch. Best of luck to you, dear. (& I'm so glad I'm not dating anymore, whew!)

[Home Sweet Sarah]

I'm totally mortified right now. Who ARE these dudes?

[Alison]

Hysterical!! Please keep these coming, maybe you can do a weekly roundup or something.

[balebusta]

Why do you feel the need to publicly embarrass these men? I get that they posted to a "public" website and so, they should know that their information is not afforded the same right to privacy...but still...this just seems cruel -- how would it feel for you if someone took your profile photo and a private message you sent and openly mocked you in a pretty public way? I just don't get this.

[Sharla]

This is too much. Too much rad.

[Amanda P. Westmont]

Oh Liz! I'm with you. I totally prefer OKCupid. That'll be the subject of my next dating post, methinks. Although I did meet The Breakfast Maker on Plenty of Fish, so it isn't all bad!

And Balebusta, the answer is simple: BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY.

(Also, I've done nothing to reveal the identities of these men because I don't even know who they are!)

[kj]

Gawd, that was funny! Made me laugh. :)

[Rhi]

I may have shot water out my nose while reading this. More, more!

[Siera]

LMAO. I applaud your ability to weed out the idiots. I've had friends so well on POF and some not. Weeding out the idiots is the hardest... If u r only lookin 4 1 thing, sum of those dudes mite b shag worthy.

[Sara]

Those are great, lady! FYI chatted with my OkCupid fella for almost 2 hours tonight and could have continued for another 2, except I had homework to do...stupid homework!

I second the weekly roundup idea!!

[lolismum]

What cracks me up even more than the messages are some of the pictures. Seriously, do these men really think their pictures are attractive? Posing in a messy room with unkempt hair and a wife beater, angling your face so your triple chin shows, giving the camera the stink eye so you look like a homicidal maniac? Weekly roundup indeed. Hark.

[laura]

i was meant to read this post, i needed a laugh and this sure did the trick! this is great keep it coming :)
and i know 19 is tooooo young but his abs look good :)

[Kym]

You know, I've read your blog off and on for years...and despite WILDLY differing politics and philosophies, I never once thought you were mean. This isn't funny, it's cruel.

These men only wanted your attention, like you want theirs.

[Steve]

I agree with Kym. This post and the last two posts Amanda has done have been so insulting. First, she wrote the Seven Days post and talks about how she is someone who "lives". That going out every night, sleeping around, etc. is considered "living". This is so condescending because it implies that people who are family-oriented are not "living" because we stay with our husbands and children and have a family life at home and aren't screwing a bunch of guys and bragging about it.

Then, she does the Single Mom post and stereotypes single mothers as nothing but disgusting pieces of trailer trash (to quote Amanda "pants with holes in the knees and government cheese") and implies that she above those women and better than them. When every single mother I know works their asses off working even two jobs to juggle motherhood, pay for proper childcare all while barely getting by. Unlike these women, Amanda works only 4 hours a day and gets FREE childcare because she dumps her kids with her ex while she works her little part-time job. She should be paying her ex for the childcare he is providing!! She clearly has no idea what it is like to be a single mom.

Now, this post where she makes fun of all these guys that respond to her personal ads. Like Kym said, it isn't funny. It is cruel and mean. Talking about men with their double chins. How many chins did you have Amanda when you weighed over 300 pounds? How would you feel if someone was making fun of you this way? Granted these men are not high caliber men, but did you really expect them to be on such a site? It is kind of the pot calling the kettle fat, because you are on there too right along with them.

It's all fine and good to have your blog, but you are quickly revealing yourself to your readers and alienating your audience by your hurtful comments. Just thought you should know.

[balebusta]

Kym and Steve are seconding what I said earlier....this is really cruel. Publicly humiliating someone for kicks is sadistic....and Amanda's response to my question of why she chooses to publicly embarrass these men: "And Balebusta, the answer is simple: BECAUSE IT'S FUNNY." ---- well if this is what she finds funny, that's really pathetic. The pictures you posted of these guys? Well, maybe you don't know them personally, but clicking on their pictures gives a link to their dating profiles.

I didn't think you could sink much lower in your behavior but this really tips the scales. People forget that whatever is written on the internet is done in INK not pencil (even the delete button doesn't permanently remove things). Teenagers, maladroits, and sociopaths get their kicks by publicly humiliating others -- so which one are you Amanda?

[Helen H.]

I wonder if anyone sent these guys a link to your blog, Amanda? Since you thought it so "funny" to humiliate them in such a public fashion, perhaps they should be given the opportunity to let us know what they thought about you.

[Susana]

Oh lighten up...I thought it was funny. Those guys put themselves on the Internet too!