A first time for everything. Like "conversating."

This afternoon I received a random text message from an unknown long distance number. If this is what the world is coming to...

HIM: Hey there

ME: Who's this?

HIM: This is Shawn Richard how are you.  Its been a minute huh

ME: Shawn Richard?

HIM: Yup. This is heather Wright right?

ME: Nope.

ME: Wrong number?

HIM: Shit. Really

HIM: Sorry

ME: No prob! I've never had a wrong number text before. First time for everything.

HIM: What's your name?  While we are conversating anyway

ME: Phil Gonzalez

HIM: ...

Comments

[cindy w]

Awesome. I love your pseudonym. Perfect way to make the guy bugger off. (Also: "conversating"? OMG.)

I have a Blackberry for work, and apparently it used to be the number of a guy who was quite popular named Dan Norton, and I get calls & texts for him all. the. time. It drives me insane. Stupid Dan should've notified people when he changed his number.

[Alison]

Too funny.

[Kerri Anne]

Haaaa.

[Adventures In Babywearing]

Oh, that's awesome.

Steph

[Amber]

good 'call'

[Rhi]

I went to high school with a girl named Heather Wright. I WONDER IF HE WAS TRYING TO REACH HER?

[Connie]

All I can really say is I am SO jealous of how awesome your life is now that you are "on your own" (and I use that term very loosely- because I can't see how you, solely, can support yourself working 4 hours a day). Such excitement to have someone you don't even know text you in error and even better, for you to take the time and effort to type out the conversation for everyone to read about it. It was riveting.

Guess you can't tell anyone what you are really doing... or they would all know what a psychotic douche you are. Much better to continue to attempt to keep up the alternate reality of your blog that you want everyone to believe is your life.

Before TV, we dance? The rule should have been "first week I have my children after they have moved out of the only home they have ever known, I go dancing at the Egyptian Room". Really? Couldn't wait until this week, huh? Disgusting behavior.

I am done reading this blog. I wish your children and Dave the best. You? Not so much.

[Stephen]

I think, speaking for myself & others Amanda, that we simply don't know what to believe any more. Just a few weeks ago you were this amazingly happy wife & mother who had the perfect marriage and family. You posted endlessly that despite all the problems you faced, you loved your husband dearly and not his W2. Your blog presented a view of your life for years that has been clearly been a fabrication.

I think we all know, now, that your cheery posts were your own form of therapy - if you write about how happy you are and tell others how happy you are - surely you'll BE happy.... right? I dig that, I can even understand that. I think a lot part of the population walks around doing that in their head.

The problem is you have lost trust with your audience. Anytime a writer, blogger, journalist is uncovered to have fabricated stories or even stretched the truth, people will begin to view everything they write in the future with outright skepticism & even hostility.

[stephanie]

I have to agree with Stephen. Im not sure what to believe. It was so quick. Going from the happy housewife facing the same financial problems that many of us are in today, to suddenly your leaving your husband and you are out on your own. I understand that it is not our right to know everything in your life. I understand that it was my fault, as the reader, for being sucked in. I should have know that as a fiction writer, it would have been easy for you to fictionalize your life to us. But again, Im with Stephen in that I can't believe you are happy now. You said you were happy before and clearly that was not the case. Your blog attracts readers because it is so (or I thought it was anyways) down to earth real. Keep it real. Good luck to you amd good-bye.

[Kim]

Long time reader. I think part of what's feeding into the obvious troubling aspects raised by other comments is that the "Dave" half in all this has been uber silent.

Is he ok? Losing his job, house and wife all at once has got to be rough.

Your blog made it seem like he is a devoted father.

I know that you have an @delbuono.com e-mail address. Is Dave's e-mail [email protected]? If not, would you share his e-mail address if he said it was ok?

How are the kids taking all this?

This is just a sad thing and I hope all of you can salvage something good and move forward.

[Tamara]

I have to agree with Stephen as well, I just don't know what to believe. You wrote about this wonderful, happy life, to the point of being smug about it. However, the "realness" kept me reading. All the sudden the fabulous financial planner has no actual plan, is losing her house and has left her amazing husband. What's real? I gotta say it does make me, as a reader, feel lied to. If its not real, say so.

[alison]

Wow, it seems like everyone is having a really bad day. They say goodbye but I'm sure they will be back to leave more nasty comments. People like that just can't stay away.

[Rosetta]

Manda.

You are trying to show us one view of your life with this blog, but unintentionally revealing a much less flattering aspect of yourself. Be aware.

[Elizabeth]

Amanda,

I've been reading your blog for a long time and have remained quiet through your divorce posts because I think the whole thing is very sad.  But I am having a hard time being quiet anymore and feel I have to say something.

I guess I am disheartened because it seems that you have been telling a lot lies on this blog.  As readers, we believed your posts were an honest reflection of you.  But now, I think your readers no longer know what to believe because your behavior seems like such a contrast to what you've written here.  Therefore, it feels as though you have been doing a lot of lying here to uphold your self-created online persona of the wonderful wife and mom.  The financial planner with the great financial plan.  The aspiring writer trying to get through life with the support of your loving husband and children.  Then BAMMM!!!  You're divorcing your husband and leaving your family with a ridiculous "IN" explanation.  I think your readers (me included) feel betrayed and lied to because the person you have portrayed yourself as is apparently not who you really are.  Then all you post after that is just fluff and nonsense and your readers are sitting here reeling over what happened and wondering who the heck you are??

Maybe you have been lying because you have been trying to convince yourself that you really feel this way or that after you have gone on and on and ON about your wonderful marriage and sex life.  However, the thing that gets me is that even now when you are supposedly "free and happy" and have moved on with your "new" life of being your authentic self, you still aren't being truthful with your readers.

How can you say the following to your readers on your blog post about divorcing Dave: "I intend to keep comments open on this entry because your participation in my life thus far has been mission critical and I can't imagine discouraging it when I need it most."?  Then, as long as people were feeding your ego with comments about how "wonderful" and "brave" you are, you leave comments open.  But, when you got enough negative comments from readers who aren't buying the BS that you have been writing, you shut the comments down?  By shutting the comments down, it leads your readers to believe that the negative comments people are writing are actually the truth.  Did you shut down the comments because it seemed that people are on to you?

Another thing I found particularly troubling was your last post on July 8th when you wrote the following:

"I've also been missing my children.

A lot.

.... It definitely helps that I don't have to worry about my kids. Their father adores them and is every bit as capable as I am of seeing to their safety and well-being. I can relax at least a little knowing they want for nothing in my absence, except maybe my affection.  And they'll get that in spades every other week starting on Monday.

Of course that won't help me miss them any less.

Or stop me from crying every time I see them."

Having said all of that about your kids, on the first night of your first week of having your children, you post photos and videos of them having so much fun at mom's!  But really it seems that being a mother isn't your primary concern.  It's only important when you want to post photos and videos to keep up the charade to your readers that you are this caring and wonderful mother.  When CLEARLY you aren't.  Case in point:  you posted this on your blog and your Twitter on your THIRD NIGHT of the FIRST WEEK of your new custody arrangement with your kids:

"Going dancing and karaokeing with my sister and the ladies tonight at the Egyptian Room. Why the hell not?"

Why the hell not??  You really have to ask that??  Here's why the hell not - because it was the THIRD NIGHT of your FIRST WEEK of having your children in your new custody arrangement!  And you have supposedly been MISSING THEM SO MUCH!  Your children have lost their home, their family unit, and all their stability in one fell swoop.  Their mother has left, and their whole lives are in complete upheaval.  Any decent mother that cares about her children MORE than herself would do what's best for her kids and stay home with them during their first week with her.  A decent mother would want to spend that precious time with her children and make them her top priority during the short time she has them.  She should want to create as much stability for her children as possible in their FIRST WEEK in brand new surroundings during this difficult adjustment period.

But not you.  Dancing and karaoke are much more pressing for you.  So you write one thing, but your actions speak otherwise.  You miss them so much you must go out and leave them on their THIRD NIGHT WITH YOU??  I found this so APPALLING!  Leaving your children on their 3rd night with you to go out and party just shows that the only person you care about is YOURSELF!  

All I can say is your children are SO LUCKY to have a father like Dave.  At least one of their parents is properly taking care of them and putting them first so that you don't have to "worry" about your kids.  Which I am sure you love because that leaves you free to do all the screwing around and partying you want to do.  Dave is the one that deserves to be commended for being brave and courageous in having to deal with all of this.  I absolutely applaud him and hope others see that Dave and the kids are the victims of your selfishness and narcissism.

I liked your blog because you were supposedly "real" and seemed like a genuine mom that loved her kids and family.  Now, all we are left with is a woman who dumps everything that was supposedly important to her because she wants to party, probably sleep around and have her freedom and not be tied down by such insignificant things like marriage and family.

I, like so many others, feel that none of your posts are authentic or true.  If I am wrong, then SAY SO!  After years of writing about your "wonderful and happy" life, you throw it all away with no explanation.  You are the one that publicly put it out there, then you think that readers are going to just be OK with "Dave and I filed for divorce because I'm not 'IN' love anymore."  I think all your readers just want the truth.  Your readers want you to show them that respect and not just shut down or delete the comments.  Maybe if you were actually honest and ADDRESSED the concerns your readers have expressed, you would earn back some of our respect and loyalty.  

I figure if you delete this comment or shut comments down again, then it is because you can't handle anyone telling it like it is.  Or, you just think the negative comments are people ganging up on you, being mean to you or making you the bad guy. But, what you aren't seeing is that your behavior speaks for itself and has formed people's opinions about you.   Nothing else.

I hope this doesn't get me "neck punched by Liam Neeson".  Oh brother!  It just shows that people don't know the truth about you and will believe anything you tell them!

[reader]

Amen, Elizabeth

[Siera]

Trying to stir the pot a bit there? Holy crap.

Clearly, you've read way too much into someone’s' life if your that heated.

As a mom myself, I can say everyone needs a break now and then. Going out for a night of dancing and karoaking doesn't mean someone is going sleeping around. Being a parent time out without the kids is precious and requires scheduling of all parties involved. She made it happen, good for her.

I can't speak for Amanda but it sounds like she has the kids’ best interest at heart. (If you recall, her kids first week without her was due to the fact that Dave's family was in town.)

If you read for as long as you say you have you'd know that she gave up many years of solid sleep to sleep with Genoa. A negligent parent wouldn't do that her daughters needs before her own for years.

I find as a parent, if I don't take care of myself mentally I get run down and depressed and my son picks up on that and acts accordingly as he is so in tune with me. So I do take time out for myself when I can. Sometimes I maximize on it, as I know it will be a long time before I can get some me time in being that my fiancé is in the navy and sails I can go weeks being a solo a parent.

Everyone has their thoughts and opinions but your not in Amanda's shoes, you don't know what it is like to be her only she does. As a blogger, she and every other blogger have a right to divulge as much or as little as they want about their lives. Just because she has been so open in the past doesn't mean she needs to be now. Some issues are private; don't need to be aired like dirt laundry on the interweb.

Feel free to hop on over to my blog and criticize me.

Amanda, what I wanted to comment was I got a random text a few months back. It was guy who assumed I was a girl. I never say yay or nay. In the end I let him believe I was a dude. He felt pretty dumb. LMAO

[Siera]

I had only read Elizabeths comment before posting mine... It would be interesting to know if any of the above posters IP addresses are the same? I've seen this in comments on another blog and the blogger called the commnenter(s) it.

[Alias Mother]

Oy.

Okay, folks, let's take a look at Amanda's blog options at this point, shall we?

1) She can tell everything there is to tell about her life and satisfy everyone's curiosity. Of course, then she risks hurting people in her real life, including Dave and the kids. Some of you seem very concerned about their welfare, so you certainly wouldn't want that. Doing this also opens her up for more "did you try..." and "are you sure..." comments and as a blogger I can tell you that there is nothing more frustrating than those comments. Because, yes, she has. I promise.

2) She can answer all the criticism. But you know what that leads to on the internet? More criticism. Lots more.

3) She can never speak of this again, thereby keeping all of us in the dark but keeping her real life family happier. To keep up on the blog, she tells more light-hearted stories of her life. I think we can see what that leads to.

4) She can stop blogging completely until this phase of her life is over, which I'm guessing she is strongly considering. But she's written before about how blogging helps keep her on an even keel. Which I'm sure she needs now more than ever.

Which would you have her choose? Which would you choose?

Am I curious? Would I like to know everything? Of course I would, but in the same way that I want to know how a good novel ends. But you know what? This isn't a novel. This is her life. She is welcome to share as much or as little of as she'd like.

And please don't pull out that old "If you write on the internet you need to be able to take the heat" chestnut. Yes, it's true. But if you read on the internet, you need to be able to remember these are real people behind the words, with all their good points and bad points. JUST LIKE YOU. Have a damn heart.

[Sheryl]

Amanda, your detractors would really flip if they knew the E-Room. Get on with your bad self! :-)

[Annie]

Holy Judgemental People ! Speaking from experience, projecting the image of the perfect, happy couple is called DENIAL, and you believe that if you fake it enough, your fears and doubts will not be real. But in the long run, it does not work and you shock the shit out of people when you speak your truth. Walk a mile in those shoes, and see how it feels.

[Allison]

I very rarely comment, but! I am appalled at some of these obnoxious comments.

Except for Alias Mother's, which I agree with 1000%.

No advice/diatribes for you, Amanda, just compassion. Wishing the best for you and your family.

[Liana (Suburban Mom)]

Wow people. Really? This is what scares me about having blogs out there. You try and write what you want to write about, try and be positive and happy, and ker-BLAM. The mintue you do "get real", you just get beat up and criticized for it.

Anyone ever heard of depression? It's been so obvious for awhile that she's been dealing with that. Try having your life mapped out for you - you work so hard, have a good financial plan in order, finally get a dream home, and are living your dream (i.e. writing a book) and then through no fault of your own - it's all taken away.

Does anyone in these comments know Dave personally? Know how he is? I'm sure he's feeling the stress, hurting, handling things not so well. Manda stood by his side for a long time - tried to get him to go out there and get a job, do anything, as long as he was happy. She got a job to try and help out. It's not like she just divorced him all of the sudden. Sure she was trying to have that happy,shiny free blog...but who wants to air out their problems? You guys aren't therapists. His family reads this blog. I, for one, saw someone who, although dealing with her own depression, did her best to try and help her husband through the tough times, and maybe, JUST MAYBE, had enough.

How long must she live like that? Is it better for the kids to have two miserable parents? Sure this is a tough situation for them, but she's trying to make the transition as smooth as possible - even if that means dancing before dinner. And keeping herself happy by going out dancing herself. WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? How do you know that she didn't have her sister over to watch the kids, or other family, while she went out dancing? Is she supposed to sit and brood all night with her children so they understand that this situation can be nothing but miserable?

Seriously people. Give her a break.

[Stephen]

@Liana

Maybe all this shows is that now is not a good time to be blogging about one's life in such a public forum. There is such as thing as "too much exposure" and there is nothing wrong with taking a vacation from being online.

Amanda herself has invited feedback and comments. I agree some people are being cruel by suggesting she is a bad mother, but again, that's part of putting your life out there with a comments box underneath it.

If I were in her shoes, I would focus 100% on my kids & work (real life), etc and not worry about blogging and comments from total strangers.

[Karen]

Why is it always the Mom who is attacked? so many fathers walk away barely see their kids do everything in life they want, when they want and bam, no big deal, no one really even mentions it or attacks them!! I can't stand that!! Moms needs breaks here and there as well, kids don't have to be with their mom's 24/7, they'll be fine. And no one ever knows exactly what we go through in marriage, no one, except the two people in the marriage.

And blog readers always piss me off, they want to read these fairy tale blogs, if you post something not so perfect, or let them in on what's really going on a little more, then they're not happy and attack the blogger. I don't believe any blogger tales exactly what they are feeling or what might really be going on and that's their right. It's not like they sign a contract that everything you read is the complete story, something still stay hidden a little.

You either read it or you don't, if you don't like it then say hey I don't care for this person's life anymore and move on, don't visit blog anymore. Nasty comments are just so useless!