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June 25, 2010


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I am so sorry. What a shitty year you guys have had. I hope this transition goes smoothly for your family.


I'm so very sorry and so very proud of you.


Just a hug. That is all I can offer. Share it with your kids.


I can relate to you even more than I did before. Before I was a Weight Loss Surgery survivor, loving the decision I made for myself and loving the person who was emerging. However, At the same time I was going through that process, my marriage was falling apart. I've since been divorced for a year and a half, and have been living with my new tiny tummy (as my family and I call it) for 2 years. Both have been the best decisions of my life. Nothing is easy about either one of them, but how we handle them and learn from them is what make us stronger and better. I'll be praying for you, and wish you the best, just keep blogging, you are inspirational and are one of the few things I bookmark and actually read!


Anything you need, ANYTHING, and I'm right here. I can also be right there. Just say the word.


I was in the same place as you a little over 10 years ago. I married my college sweetheart and thought I was so in love. After 9 years of marriage I realized I wasn't in love with him any more. I was tired of pretending. Wanna know what my family said after I finally told them?? "What took you so long?" I guess everyone else saw it long before I did. Lots of (((HUGS))) for you and the family. You can do this.


In my own marriage of almost 20 years, it hasn't always been a picnic. There have been deaths in the family, job losses, autism, the occasional trip to get someone out of jail, but this is all life. When my wife and I had children, we really talked about it. We were making a commitment to stay together despite all the adversity that life throws at a family. We made an agreement to put the kids first unless one us was unfaithful or went down a path that made the marriage unsafe or irrevocable.

We didn't want to be like all our friends from college who split up after 5-10 years when they weren't 'personally' satisfied in their marriage - even though they had children. They told themselves it was better for the kids to not be in a situation where there was "no love" - but was it really? Love comes in many forms. I don't think a marriage has to always be "thrusters on full" all the time for people to be happy. I think that's the movies, books and the "romance" industry that says it has to be violins and roses and soft focus lights. What about providing a home for one's children?

In 20 years I have found a long marriage has cycles. A cycle of passion, of friendship, and yes of complacency at times. But then passion can be regained and love re-kindled. 2 years is a fraction of a lifetime, at least I think so.

I would say close your eyes and try to look ahead 2, 5, 10 years. Do you think there is no way to recapture the happiness or the passion or the love? Are you possibly throwing away the "best" chance for happiness for you & your family on a "hope" that a better life awaits?

I know this is crossing a line, but is it fair to your young children to subject them to the pain of a divorce because "you" aren't in love any more? As parents, aren't we supposed to put our children's needs above our own? I know divorce is all too common, but that doesn't mean it's any easier on children. Put yourself in their small shoes.

I hope I haven't offended you Amanda. I know you probably weren't expecting a reply like this. But I have read your blog, and you seem to be the sort of person who really encourages intelligent discourse. I don't think you are just soliciting for sympathy either and besides, someone has to be the devil's advocate right?

All I am basing this on is your statement of no longer being "in love". I know there might be other issues, that you can't or don't want to talk about and if so, I apologize ahead of time if I am out of line.

I wish your family the very best.


I am so sorry.


I'm so sorry to hear this. Dispite all of the other problems in my marriage when the end came the IN word was the biggest reason we ended to. Sometimes things happen, people change and as much as you try to get it back you can't do it. Have faith that better things are yet to come. {{Hugs}}


I am seriously stunned and I don't really know what to say. I hope that the two of you both and the children come out of this ok, divorce is hard for everyone.


I have been in your shoes. As Jeff and I pushed through some very hard years (financially and relationally) there were many times I admitted to myself, my journal, a few trusted friends, and him (in fits of anger) that I wasn't "in" love with him anymore.

And then, I decided the LOVE I did feel was strong and true - a covenant in and of itself. I began praying to fall absolutely, entirely "in love" with him and it was given to me. Now I AM "in love" and have been for many years, but I also know we have that deep, lasting, steady love that holds up during those few times when the "fuzzy" feeling is lacking.

I know the hurt you're feeling - and for that, I'm so sorry.


I've been reading your blog for years and feel compelled to finally comment just to say I'm so sorry for this heartache and I'll be thinking about you and your family as you make your way through this tough time. Hugs from someone who doesn't know you but knows that you are more than strong enough to get through this. Take care of yourself!


My heart sank a little when I read that title. But you are following your heart, and nobody can begrudge you that. I wish everyone the best in this situation!


Wow. I've been reading you (not commenting much, but reading all the time) for years. I certainly did not expect this. I wish you strength and peace as you go through this. You have had quite a difficult year, and I hope that things get easier.


This is shocking to read because you seemed to have the "perfect" marriage, I admire your honesty and wish you nothing but the best


Awwww. Hugs.


I am absolutely shocked. It always seemed like you and Dave were solid as a rock. I'm really sorry for everything that all of you are going through. This has been such a hard year for you. I'm curious, if you can, would you be willing to post about the difference between being "in" love and love? I do not have a clue what you're talking about.


Oh My God, I'm so sorry. I hope things go as easily as possible for the both of you


Another longtime reader and oft-lurker here. Just wanted to say that I am really so very sorry to hear this news, Amanda.

Wishing all the best for all of you (always) as you move forward.


you have more courage than I did. I stayed in my marriage for 10 years and wasn'y in love anymore, he is ill and guilted me into staying. Best choice I ever made was getting a divorce. I know that you will have some rough roads ahead, but I will be keeping you in my thoughts and hoping for the best for all of you.
ps I love reading your blog, you always keep me entertained!


delurking for the first time (sorry it took so long!)... I can't imagine how difficult a decision this must have been. Based on the comments, it looks like you have lots of virtual support!


Like everyone else, I am really sorry. I am shocked and wish you and Dave NOTHING but the best as you begin this hard process. I hope those who get to support you 'in real life' will love you through this.

Jen @ lifelove'n'wine

I wish you and your family all the best. You are a strong woman and I know that you will make it through this tough time.



You have to do what is right for you and your family. You can only be the best for your kids if you’re happy. A lot of what you said parallels what I've been feeling in my own relationship. I would love to chat with you if you have the time. Please email me.

ur a freak

u are a freak. can't believe you post this stuff public.

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