On Xanax...

I took my first Xanax last Wednesday and my first impression was that it made me sleepier than I've ever felt in my life, like the way you feel when you doze off on the couch and you're in that twilight place between sleep and reality.  That, and it really didn't allow me to breathe that much better in the magic way I had hoped it would.  I took a nap and felt better, but my anxiety has been steady now for several days.

I've taken probably three Xanax since I got the Rx filled (by my local Target Pharmacist, named Jodi, who I have a friendly little crush on.  She's such a nerd, but in a totally lovable and really REALLY proficient and good-at-her-job way.  Is it weird that I want to invite her over for dinner?).  Subsequent doses seem to be helping with the anxiety and the death-sleep seems to have been a first-time-only side effect.

Why do I have such anxiety, you ask?  Like Joe Biden, I can give you a "three-letter" answer: Obama.  Not so much HIM, per se, just the stress of the election in general.  The entire thing has filled me with a permanent sense of dread.  I'm terrified of what will happen if Obama wins (not the man, just that I'm ideologically opposed to tax and spend liberalism, particularly in a down economy) and I'm equally terrified of what will happen to this country on an emotional level if McCain wins.  Basically this is a no-win election for me.

The worst part so far was getting an e-mail yesterday from one of my old California friends.  I know she didn't INTEND to hurt my feelings and was really just trying to be funny, but man, I read her e-mail and before I even had time to process it intellectually, my body had a PHYSICAL response.  I literally felt my shoulders tighten and my neck started to pinch and of course I stopped being able to suck in a full breath.  I wouldn't call it a panic attack, but it was the closest thing I've ever had to one.

I don't really intend to single her out, it just... REALLY upset me, not the content (I know a lot of people will think it's funny), but the fact that she sent it to ME.  The insensitivity of it.  This is a friend who absolutely unequivocally KNOWS I'm conservative.  Anyway, she sent a photo of her kids dressed up for Halloween (an annual photo that I always look forward to because her kids are adorable and we miss them) and the following commentary:

"...Not sure if you can see [our son's] new Red State look in this photo.  For those of you who don't know the story, he knocked out a tooth last weekend.  It has been more traumatic for [his father] and me than for him (he doesn't care at all).  He looks like he belongs in overalls with no shirt underneath and ready to go cast a ballot for McCain.

Not pictured in the photo is Mom, who dressed as the devil and wore a McCain/Palin sticker and a "Hockey Moms (and Satan!) 4 Palin" tag."

I e-mailed her back basically saying isn't Barack Obama all about peace and tolerance and acceptance?  Because joking that McCain voters are toothless no shirt hillbilly DEVILS is the opposite of that message.  Hope and change start with respect, not intolerance.

Later Dave and I drove to Oregon to buy him some (tax free) shoes and we parked next to a car with a bumper sticker that read, "Republicans put the dumb in freedom."  And I seriously wanted to punch someone. 

If Barack Obama wins this election, I will be a good sport about it.  I respect the ideology that leads a person to vote for a Democrat.  Yes, it is different from MY ideology, but that's okay.  I would never assume that STUPIDITY is the foundation of one's party affiliation and it bothers me, no ENRAGES me that anyone claiming to be a liberal would not extend to me the same decency and respect.  I realize that not all liberals are like this and I have many excellent and kind liberal friends both here and in California, but getting that e-mail made me extremely grateful (again!) that we live in Washington.  Sure, it's still a blue state, but I definitely feel like conservatives get a lot more respect here than we ever did in California.  For the most part here, there isn't that underlying assumption that all Republicans are knuckle-dragging war mongers. 

If we really want to improve this country, we ALL have to be open-minded and respectful and when we reach across the aisle, it shouldn't just be to slap someone on the other side.  My biggest hope for Tuesday is that we can all remember that, no matter who wins.

Comments

[Callie]

I agree that we all have to be open-minded, and I came into my (largely Republican) workplace today prepared to be completely gracious in my party’s victory. And I was greeted with comments about Obama being sworn in with the Koran and wearing a turban and appointing terrorists to his cabinet. These attitudes do not make it easy to be open-minded toward conservatives.

[Rachel]

I'll have to agree with Callie there... I read the last sentence over again today and I sure hope that there really are Republicans out there following that who respectful thing... cause I'm sure not finding any.

My fellow workers refered to me as a "muslim-loving terrorist supporter" (in no certain terms) on more than one occasion today. And told me they hoped I was happy for what I'd done to our country.

I never thought it'd be this bad...

[birddog10]

Just thought I would summarize some of the comments from above by people who identified themselves as liberals.

"....lot of Republican voters (not all, of course), they vote as an uninformed Republican."

"I think lots of Obama supporters just don't get how an educated voter could go McCain...."

"I think the problem here is that the Republican party *does* tend to attract the evangelical nutjobs - you know, the people who think that abortion and gay marriage are the two biggest issues facing America today."

"As a republican...you have the misfortune of being lumped in with a bunch of... well, sort of undesirable folks that you probably don't like to be compared to."

Why do liberals think that people who disagree with their point of view are stupid? Most liberals that I know have this same attitude. Interesting.

[cindy w]

Birddog10: you *completely* misunderstood my point. I was saying that there are uneducated voters on BOTH sides. So yes, liberals do often negatively generalize Republicans into one group, but the same thing is often done to us by conservatives. The intolerance goes both ways.

My point was the stereotypes are bad, mmmkay? I personally love it when I come across a conservative like Amanda who can give reasonable, intelligent, thought-out explanations of her views and why she feels the way she does on any given issue. Sure, my ideology is on the opposite side of the spectrum, but I absolutely 100% respect where she's coming from. And I really like learning about people and why they view issues (and their solutions) a certain way, even when I don't agree with them.

At the same time, I wrote a pro-Obama post over on my site recently, and ended up with a (self-identified Republican) commenter saying that my mother should've had a partial-birth abortion with me, and calling me a deadbeat for being a stay-at-home mom. So can you maybe see where some of my negative perceptions about conservatives might come from? Also, see Rachel & Callie's comments above. The ignorance, bigotry and hatred IS out there. Of course not ALL conservatives are like that, that's ridiculous. But those stereotypes aren't totally unfounded, either.

[midlife mommy]

"If we really want to improve this country, we ALL have to be open-minded and respectful and when we reach across the aisle, it shouldn't just be to slap someone on the other side. My biggest hope for Tuesday is that we can all remember that, no matter who wins." Disappointed yet? I know I am.

[joann in NJ]

Amen!
You read my mind exactly!

[Leah]

Hey, at least you aren't in California. Here we had to freak out over the lose-lose candidates in addition to Prop 8. Talk about hard feelings.

I understand that gay marriage rights burn the butts of the gays and burn the butts of the religious pretty hard- but both spew all kinds of ugly over it, and you are left wondering if anyone involved deserves even a smidgen of respect. It is more hate than I can stomach.

I did Xanax once. The walls melted and I heard people talking but I couldn't process a word they were saying. I've never been so stoned in my life. It was a one time thing.

[Kristy]

To all greetings!
I represent an interesting blog on tranquilizers

http://home-psychiatrist-2.blogspot.com/

Tranquillizers (anxiolytics, ataractics)