The plan

First up, THANK YOU for all the great advice and for being so nice and not giving me crap about the extended nursing.  I hate to admit it, but I underestimated you all a tiny bit!  Thanks for proving the greater Internet WRONG.

Based on all your advice and giving another good, hard THINK to our situation, here's the plan as it stands:

1.  I will not be weaning Genoa until after we conquer the sleep issues.  I agree that I need to do one thing at a time and taking away her beloved boob would throw her into a 100 year funk.

2.  Last night I started a real-life actual Bed Time Routine: we brush our teeth, read three books (in her bed), and I nurse her, but NOT TO SLEEP.  I then get out of the bed, tuck her in and sit next to the bed while she tosses, turns, talks to me and eventually nods off.  I try my best to ignore her (and pay attention to my iPhone instead), but her mattress is on the floor, so I'm close enough.  If she gets out of bed, I put her back and it feels like a clear line has been drawn.  She's falling asleep on her own.  The first night it took an hour.  Tonight it was 40 minutes.  It's progress!

3.  Starting on Friday night, I will continue the same routine, but instead of joining her in bed myself, I'll be bunking with Dave and waiting for her to scream loud enough to wake me up.  At which point, I'll sit next to the bed until she falls asleep.  No nursing until the sun comes up. 

4.  Eventually, I'll start to move away from sitting right next to her bed.  I'll do it in steps, but I'm pretty impatient, so I don't expect it to take forever.  We'll see.  We are talking about GENOA after all.

5.  Starting tomorrow, I'll also be doing the same waiting game for her naps as well.

The good news is that this plan involves no screaming, except for when she wakes up in the middle of the night and I'm not there (and then I'll be returning to her bedside post haste). 

The reason Dave can't be more involved is that he's a bit of an insomniac (read: totally stressed out lawyer).  If the girl wakes him up in the night, he literally won't get back to sleep again for several hours and he needs his sleep to be able to function at work.  This is what happens when his caseload rises above the 20 mark: he lives, eats, sleeps and breathes his job.  It can't be helped and I do my best to let him get as much sleep as possible.  The problem is that we actually MISS each other and how we used to always lay in bed and talk before falling asleep.  You know, TOGETHER.   We're hoping we can get Genoa to sleep through until sun-up over this coming three-day weekend. 

Wish us luck!

Comments

[Laurie]

You can do it! I had to sort-of do this with my son when he was about 2. We had just been through a round of hospitalizations (from when he was about 10 months through 15 months) and then tubes...blah, blah, blah - he was a pretty sick baby, and we - well - babied him.

Anyway, it worked. Gradual changes, baby steps. Now he's almost five (ack!) and the bedtime routine is the same: bath, one TV show, brush teeth, book read by Daddy, Mommy sings three songs and hears his prayers, Daddy comes to lay with him one more time, and he's USUALLY out.

YOU CAN DO THIS! :)

[franticallysimple]

Now that sounds like a perfectly rational plan. Well, as rational as one can get when you're talking about a two year old.
I think it just might work! :)

[laura]

sounds like an awesome plan! wishing you the best of luck. i always love the time hubby and i can talk before we fall asleep. i just pray the baby i have on the way is a sleeper as my son wasnt i dont think i could handle another not good sleeper..

[Henny Penny]

Wow, private practice is so different. My case load this WEEK is over 50 and I'm home by 5:30 every day except one. Last week I was in court 3/5 days, this week 4/5 days, and next week 2/4 days.

[Kookaburra]

Sounds like a great plan. These things take time... but it's gonna work... and life (especially bedtime) will be so much better. Good luck & sweet dreams!

[Sally]

That's a great plan. It's exactly what I was going to suggest, but of course it's taken me too long to try to write a comment. You know that Tommy had a similar personality to Genoa and we nursed until 2.5 years. What you're describing is exactly the sort of thing we did.

The only thing I'll add is just a bit of encouragement. Do not cave and just sleep with her when you're tired in the middle of the night. Stay the course, and all that. :) The hardest part is going to be making youself stay awake in the middle of the night. It's important that you go back to your bed and be gone the next time she wakes up. If you're there sometimes, but not there other times it will take her longer to get used to it.

Oh, and here's an intermediate step that might be useful. Try saying good-night one last time and leaving the room in that sweet moment after she's started falling asleep but before she's completely out. I wouldnt' try this for the first few days, but eventually you'll need to get her to accept you leaving before she falls asleep. If you time it right she'll be too close to sleep to protest. It seems to slow things down because 9 times out of 10 she'll protest and you'll have to start over, but in the end it will be worth it to be able to say good night and leave the room.

[cindy w]

Sounds like a great plan, and yeah, what Sally said: maybe keep an extra pillow so you can rest your head on the floor while you're waiting for her to fall back to sleep in the middle of the night? Might keep you from caving in and climbing into bed with her out of exhaustion.

Good luck!! Hope it all goes easier than you expect.

[HeatherK]

the iPhone as secret weapon in sleep arsenal? So jealous. Sounds like a good plan!

[christine]

GREAT plan, and awesome job sticking to it for the past two nights! I'm sure it is going to work like a charm.

[Rhi]

I'll bring vodka over, just in case :) I see no reason why you can't have a huge adult beverage next to you while you're waiting for her to fall asleep.

[Stacy]

Sounds like a great plan...good luck!

[Ali]

Good luck, that sounds like a good plan. I think I've seen something like that on Super Nanny, where the parents stay in the room but don't touch the kids or make eye contact with them. Can't wait to hear how it goes!

PS
The iPhone also comes in VERY handy when you have jury duty!

[Rachel K]

I didn't get to comment on the last post but I just wanted to say it sounds like you have a great plan going! I also think that you're doing the best thing by not jumping in with both feet and ten arms to force the bed issue and wean at the same time :O)

I've only ever nannied for kids who were easy sleepers (thankfully) and who worked well with cry it out (took a day or two of five minute tops crying to get the point) but now that I work in a child development center with infants and toddlers I've learned really quickly that some children are just anti-sleep or anti-sleep-in-a-bed or anti-sleep-in-any-way-that-isn't-just-exactly-the-way-I-want-to.

It can be difficult and frustrating but over time I've learned that there is a good way to help every child with nap and sleep time.

Patience and persistance pays off.

I wish you the best of luck!

[Tana]

Good for you!! Your follow through and patience will be well worth your efforts. Keep up the good work Amanda!! We miss you guys!!

[LoveSusanne25]

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