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July 15, 2008

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Henny Penny

Try to invite a potential friend to free/inexpensive places and events at first, so unequal incomes don't get in the way of finding a friend. I.e. go to the park instead of children's museum.

I don't have a best friend right now, but I'm working on it. I just had several local bloggers over to grill out and let the kids play in the sprinkler. I also like to make connections between people who I think will like each other - and that happened at the bbq too.

laura

just want to say thank you for these tips, we have 2 toddlers and one on the way and most of our "friends" do not have any kids, so they kinda don't get certain things. so i am going to put all of this to use at the parks and so on. thanks again!

Sara

I'm pretty good at IRL friendships. I've got some great friends and I do pretty well in new situations. Mostly where I feel out of place is at group functions (I'm thinking school or the private pool I belong to) where I'm well known, because I volunteer for a lot of stuff. And yet, I don't have a "group" of casual friends to hang out with. Really though, I muddle through and try not to feel too out of place.

But here is what I can't seem to do - Blog friendships. Can you cover that next? It seems so easy for other people. They get this whole network going with commenters and links and such. I'm so disconnected!

Sheryl

I don't really have a problem making friends, if I can be around them for a little while. It takes me a while to know whether or not someone is a member of Club Awesome. I had tons of friends in high school and college, and when I worked, but now that I'm an at-homer, living in a new city, I just don't know where I can go to meet people, because I'm not that comfortable striking up a conversation with a stranger.

Nicole

You make alot of good points.. I can totally relate to the not having many friends in my twenties, but now I seem to be better at making them.. Might be my age (no more highschool drama shit) or I m sure having kids makes it a little easier too.
I would love to be your friend... We seem to have alot in common.. Same age, 2 kids.. etc
but you know living on the other side of the country, and all probably would not work so well.
Ha
:)


mm

Wow. Someday. My problem? I usually immediately find that I cannot stand "mommy" types. I want to pinch them and run away on the playground.

Meggan

Thanks for this post. I have few friends in the town I live (for 10+ years). I sometimes wish I had kids just for the purpose of helping to break the ice. I find that most people my age do have kids and seem to be at a different place in their life. I'll try hard to see if I can follow some of your advice.

EmJay

Thank you!!! We are getting ready to move to a new city. It is good to have the strategy spelled out. I learned a lot of these things where we live now and made great friends. It is sad to leave them, but as my husband and I discussed we have the skills to make new friends. The one issue I have as a mom who goes to work in an office is that my daytime schedule is limited, so the play dates can be a challenge. My husband stays home with the kids and he just doesn't seem to need the social interaction. As a follow on once we do make contacts I try to connect other people as well. I will have a pizza night at our home and invite two families that don't know each other yet, but who seem like they would click nicely. I find once you start talking and listening especially to people who have kids there is lots of common ground.

Kymberly Howo

Hello again! I'm glad you liked your calling cards, and you're enjoying your new city. Your new home is BEAUTIFUL, and my Southern heart keens enviously at all the pictures of your gorgeous backyard. I grew up in a place that looked a lot like Vancouver (but with more HOT and HUMID).

Rachael

Isn't it funny how once you're out of high school/college, and especially if you're a SAHM, it's so much harder to meet people! It's just because we learn to be lazy - we rely on classes or jobs where we're forced to see people over and over which allows us to develop connections. Thanks for posting this, it just makes me realize that you just have to be BRAVE and if you think someone is cool, then keep calling them! All right... I have to go out and make some new friends now.

NADINE

Just a quick question. Did you find it was harder to make friends before your surgery? Did you feel that people treated you differently? I am a friendly, outgoing, family card distributing mom who is fun loving. I am making some friends. BUT I get the "stink eye" from people who judge my weight ( I am 250). Its so obviously rude.

Ali

I completely agree with you about phone versus e-mail regarding putting people on the spot. I especially like to e-mail our babysitter. It gives them time to check their schedule and get back to me on their own time. And I think everything else you said was spot on, too.

Angela

In my twenties I was a totally selfish friend and have learned to ask questions and become interested in other people. I enjoyed reading your article and I am so glad not to be in High School anymore or have any of those type of friendships!

Sam

I love this, Amanda! And this is SO timely as we've moved and I have no friends here...literally, I know NOBODY. What a weird sensation after living in the same place for ten years and always running into friends! But I just suck at being the "inviter". I've joined a local meetup group so that I can feel out the waters and meet some people!

Kelly from Almost Frugal

Thanks Amanda, not only for the link to Schnozz, which then led to about ten dozen other links, but for this post. It was great! I'm including it in a link roundup tomorrow.

I have to bite back the urge to talk about myself when I get nervous, which is often when meeting nem people. I shall have to remember your list of questions for when I get stuck!

Lacy

I would love to hear an answer to Nadine's great question when you have time!

Sara

I've started keeping a little notepad and pen with me after reading this post. I'm not very good at initiating contact or conversation, so I really do appreciate these tips. Making friends is something I'm working on. I still feel very new to my area and isolated sometimes when I have actually lived here for about 5 years already. It's a very transient place, though, so some of the great friendships I managed to make are now very long distance ones. Thanks for the tips.

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