Oh the ways we torment our children

Genoa Says
"Fine.  I'm never gonna play with you EVER AGAIN!" (usually after I've refused her some form of chocolate or another)

"This cup REALLY dirty.  Put it in the WASHINGTON!" (meaning dishwasher)

"Go to bed, Mama or you don't get ENERGY." (Lazy Town reference)

To an itsy bitsy spider I found in my coffee cup: "What a cute poochie pie!"

"Please."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome."  (although usually at the wrong time)

Also, "You're a mean meanie meanie, Alex!"

and when she's extra fed up with her brother, "Mama, SPANK ALEX."

Quick Alex Story
Most nights Dave takes Alex upstairs before bed, turns off all the lights in our master bedroom and tells the boy a scary(ish) story.  These stories feature sound effects, made-up creatures and a brave four-year-old named Alex saving the day in some way.  They are manifestly AWESOME and make me feel like the worst story-teller ever.  Lately Dave's favorite lights-out character is the NIGHT CHICKEN who somehow lives near or beyond our back fence (I only know what the kids repeat to me since Dad's story time is a no-moms-allowed club).  Anyway, it totally freaks out both children and they beg and beg him not to tell those stories.  Which Dave ignores.  Even when reading normally innocuous children's literature, Dave will try to bring the Night Chicken into the fold.  It's hilarious.

So last week Alex brings me a library book about this old couple who live next to a lighthouse and don't have any children, but never feel lonely because they love the seagulls instead.  He hands it to me, gives me an earnest look and says, "You can read me this book, but I trust you not to say NIGHT CHICKEN."

Comments

[Jen]

Oh my lord. Your kids are just too cute!

[DebbieS]

Poochie pie?? ROFL that is hilarious! Around here the apider's name (any spider's name!) is "Herman".

I think Dave needs to write a series of children's books based on the "Night Chicken"!

[NADINE]

My husband walked in on me laughing my ass off to the night chicken story. He has one called the ghost train. That evening he decided to introduce the night chicken into the ghost train story. Needless to say my 2 1/2 year old boy hates the night chicken as well. What is it about chickens?