Writer's deluge

I have the opposite of writer's block.  And that term always reminds me of dams.  Which is no big deal except that I've always had an irrational fear of dams.  So, whatever, I have lots to say and no real time to write about it thoughtfully.  Instead, I'll write about it without actually thinking and this is what you'll get:

• The new mustangs get me all hot and bothered.  I'm just saying.
• I was really looking forward to the fore-casted rain today and so far it's been nothing but sun.  But they are washing the windows of our office building right now and the irony is helping assuage the disappointment.
• My anxiety-induced inability to breathe has returned to it's regular 9PM time slot.  And, as usual, I can't pinpoint it's exact cause, but I have plenty to pick from:  weight gain, job to do list stuff that I'm slacking on, people I need to call, things I needed to remember yesterday and lest we forget, good old fashioned motherly guilt.
• I've been pondering how to approach a healthy stay-at-home-mom schedule once the big transition is here.  I'm worried I'll sit on my lazybuns too much and feel even guiltier than I already do.  I started foaming at the mouth this morning when I realized it was a good excuse to make another spreadsheet!  Apparently you can take the financial planner away from the job, but not the job away from the financial planner.  That makes no fecking sense whatsoever, does it?  What I'm saying is if anyone ever erases Excel from my computer, they can expect to be beaten to death with my calculator.  A painfully geeky way to die.
• We both thought Meet the Fockers was focking hilarious.  I can't remember ever laughing so much at a movie.  (I should've premised this by mentioning that the only other movie we've seen (at the theater) in the last year was Passion of the Christ.)
• Where might I find a running coach?  Finally achieving my lifelong goal of running an 8 minute mile could be a fun addition to my HOME.xls spreadsheet.
• It's starting to stay light long enough for me to get home before it's pitch black.  No real thoughts on this except that I noticed it last night and wrote it down.
• I wonder if my hives will go away after I quit my job. 
• It seems like I could insert "when I quit my job" into just about every slot that "when I lose weight" used to occupy.  Both are a glamorized fiction of my imagination that keep me from feeling fulfilled in the present tense.  I'm just saying.
• I really HOPE my hives go away when I quit working.  Because the allergist made it clear that my magical Zyrtec pill is absolutely NOT a side dish to a bun in the oven.
• I also need to seriously get that lab work done. 
• Why am I thinking about getting pregnant so much these days?  Because I feel fat and need a reason for it to be okay.  When it is clearly NOT.
• I completely forgot to mention here that some nimrod hit me with his suburban in the PW parking lot early Saturday morning.  He broke my taillight.  When I kindly agreed not to call his insurance company and trustingly send him a bill instead, his bitch wife got out of their giant truck and pointed out all the existing dings and bumps in my dinky old car.  "Just to be safe."  I can't wait for Dave to send them my bill on his law firm's stationary, you know, "just to be safe."
• The actress who plays the lead on the very lame new show "Committed" looks exactly like Amy.  EXACTLY.
• I've decided that friendly-gift-giving is an impossible art-form.  We generally try to give modest gifts to our various friends, especially those who always, always bitch and moan about their finances.  We don't want to make anyone feel bad by over-doing it.  But then?  Then some friends buy us WAY TOO NICE gifts and then WE end up feeling really bad when all we were trying to do was to keep it low-key and budget-friendly.  We can't win for losing. 
• Alex had a whole entire hour of buttassnekkid time last night.  It basically consisted of him molestering all of his toys and then looking up at me with this big "wangs are FUN!" grin on his face.  I laughed so hard it took years off my life.
• He is also saying "there you go" and wiping his forehead with an emphatic "phew" these days.
• Small print in an ad I saw recently read "We offer complimentary self-parking."  It struck me as hilarious.  Especially since they probably spent $100 per letter for the space.
• I am sitting here eating a mini Butterfinger bar at my desk and just noticed that some itty bitty chunks of chocolatety goodness have formed a melty pool of ick on my pants - right between my legs.  That just screams sexy, right?  (Am in denial about fatness.  shut up.)
• I will have to completely rethink my purse size once I'm no longer working.
• I just recently noticed one of these on my daily commute.  I wonder how long I actually drove past it thinking it was a tree.
• There is a billboard, I shit you not, for "Caskets 'R Us" on 101 South.  I'm just saying.
• I would like to option a boxing match between the little old lady who puts beanie babies in the back window of her car and the creepy asian dude with the hand-sewn curtains in his mini-van.
• On my drive home last Thursday, a man in a silver Audi TT made a hand gesture that instantly reminded me of one of my old high school boyfriends.  Casey.  Casey whose last name I can't remember or I'd google him and track him down.  Casey who broke up with me when he decided he was, in fact, gay.  Let's just say I was his Grace - that final girlfriend who broke the mold.  He moved away during my sophomore year and we lost touch.  Funny how a single hand movement could bring back such a strong memory of a long-forgotten friend.

Comments

[David]

You turned some guy into a bonifide homo?

That's uh ... quite an accomplishment ... I guess.

[Amanda]

As a matter of fact, yes, politically incorrect husband of mine. The way I remember him putting it was that if he couldn't feel THAT way about ME, the ultimate goddess of his dreams, then he had to accept the fact that NO woman would ever do.