Mandajuice

WILFMM: How to cheer me up

I just received this e-mail from my mom and couldn't resist posting it.  She always knows how to cheer me up.

Read your blog. Sorry you are having a challenging day with the boy.

Love Mom

And she attached this:
View this photo

What I've Learned From My Mother: A Birthday Tribute

Today is my mom's [cough]fiftieth[cough] birthday.  Happy Birthday Mom!  She's been having a hellova time lately with a housefull of children.  Yes.  Children.  I think it's pretty safe to say that I'm pretty much the only grown-up in the house (aside from Dan's wonderful girlfriend Elita who may actually be grown-up enough for the two of them).  But where was I?  Oh yeah, I'm grown up because I, well, I don't actually live there anymore.  We've got that lovely condo-payment now.  And I do my best to help out when I'm there and be grateful and all that jive.  And my mom watches my hyperactive toddler all day, so I figure the LEAST I can do is pick up a broom or wash a dish or two.

My siblings?  Yeah.  Not so much.  Yesterday the boy and I headed over there for a final meal with Elita before she left to return to school in England.  My mom prepared a lovely lunch of broiled fish and steamed rice and fresh veggies.  And cake! There were TWO kinds of cake! 

So, because Elita had to pack and then left, the clean-up was left to my mom.  And me.  Because no one else (besides Elita, who was more helpful than all three of my actual siblings put together) thinks it's THEIR job to clean up.  No one. 

My dad?  Can usually be found playing solitaire at his computer within 3.2 seconds of taking his last bite of a meal.

My sister? Scampers downstairs and disappears within the same time frame.

Tommy?  Is actually the most helpful of the siblings, but must be ASKED before he pitches in.

Danny?  Well, we're lucky if he just doesn't make any more messes for us to clean up while we're in the process of cleaning up.  He's pretty good, actually, if you just don't bother to open the door to his room.

So that leaves me.  And did I mention how I don't actually live there?  It's always seemed to me a bit unfair that my sister blissfully exits the dirty scene while I roll up my sleeves and clean up.  Why is she the one spared from all the guilt (even when I ASK her to help us out)??

Well.  Apparently I'm not the only one who's caught on to this behavior. 

So what did I learn from my mother this week?  Silence is Golden.

When your children (or husband) piss you off.  Shut the proverbial "f" up.  Don't say a word.  The silent treatment is FAR more damning and much more effective.  While Mom is silent, everyone runs around making sure they can't be blamed for anything.  Which is a complete turnaround from the usual pattern of getting into a giant screaming match, listening to everyone apologize for not helping, enjoying it while they actually keep their promises for all of 24 hours and then watching as they all slip back into annoying the crap out of you.  Silence works MUCH BETTER!  It lasts longer too!  And you get to avoid all of that bickery BS.

Mom is now actually in the process of enjoying her birthday while my siblings and my dad clean up after their own damned selves.  We'll see how long it lasts this time.  The next step might involve the charging of actual RENT.  God forbid. 

Anyways.  I hope my mom has a wonderful birthday.  She certainly deserves it.

What I've Learned From My Mother: Week One

I can't tell you how many times a day I think "What would I do without my mother?"  In these moments it dawns on me that life as I know it is completely dependent upon her. Her seemingly endless energy. Her undying devotion to my child. Her boundless generosity. Her never-ending love.

If you'd have told me three years ago that I would be this close to my mother, that I'd spend literally hours with her every day, that I'd think of her as one of my closest friends, I'd have thought you lost your marbles. Pretty much since High School, we just haven't gotten along that well. I think we'd both agree that we tolerated each other. In small doses.

But even then, I hoped that having children of my own would soften the edges of our relationship. That it would change her. That she'd revert back to that fun mom I grew up with. The one who my friends all came over to hang out with - even when I wasn't home. I hoped against hope that she'd be the kind of grandmother that I had - the one who told me that 'grandmother' was the best label she ever wore - better even than daughter, sister, wife and mother all combined.

Amazingly enough - having kids DID change things. But not my mom. Turns out she was always the same, fun-loving cool mom I grew up with. I just couldn't see it through my own unhappiness. I'm so grateful now that things are back on track.

So, look forward to this weekly series dedicated to my good old mom. I like to think of it as a living tribute to motherhood.

What I've Learned From My Mother: Week One
1) Don't sit down.
Last week my parents entertained an old friend of my dad's (it's weird to say "old friend" when describing someone pretty much my age, but that's what he is to my dad) who brought along one of the Rwandans that Tommy worked with over the summer. They were here to scout for new technology or something. Anyways, on Tuesday night, election night, my mom made an entire Thanksgiving dinner for her family and guests. Not only did she singlehandedly cook the turkey and all the fixings, including a pumpkin pie, but she did it while watching my insane, hyperactive toddler all day.

And then, as if that weren't enough work, she ended up cleaning up afterwards without a lick of help from anyone, including me.  Mr. Pants had a Total Meltdown during his bath and I had to get him out of there right away. He needed some quiet time.

So, here's my point: I have this theory there is a limit to the number of times a person can get up off their butt in a day.  For me, I'm guessing the number is, like, 50 times or so.  BUT - if you never sit down to begin with - you never reach that 51st time.  You can get EVERYTHING done if you just simply stay upright all day.  I'm pretty sure this is one of the many secrets to my mother's vast energy reserves.  The woman never sits.

2) Follow the rules.
Growing up there were two rules in our house that were never to be broken. 

1. Don't wake Mom up.
2. Don't forget rule #1.

Yeah.  She means it too.  And for good reason - if you never sit down during the day, the last thing you need is to be woken up at night.  I guess mom figured that after birthing four children and finally getting all of them to sleep through the night, she deserved to make up for lost time.  No matter how busy the house was or how many people were coming or going, EVERYONE learned the rules.  They are still well enforced to this day.

More to come in this series.  Thanks to good ol mom.