Yesterday I was in the shower when it occurred to me (stay with me here) how much I LOVE my breasts. They're probably the only part of me I will brandish willy nilly with nary a regret. I'm proud of them. They fed my babies. They give me insane pleasure. And since i've put back on almost all the weight I lost during the Year of the Breakups™, THEY'RE BACK, BABY!
It's been a bit of a struggle for me with my body, I'm not gonna lie. I LIKED being skinny. It was fun and all, but I've TRIED to do the work required to get back down to my size 6 self and FUCK THAT. I prefer bacon and champagne to small pants. Bacon TASTES good. Small pants are stupid.
For a while, it bugged me. I mean, Patrick met me 20 pounds ago and I KNOW he likes tiny women, something I will never be EVER, no matter how much I starve myself or how many miles I pound out of the pavement. The beauty in our relationship is that those 20 pounds could not possibly matter less. Hips don't lie, you guys. And neither do boners.
And therein lies the magic of polyamory - I don't NEED to be everything he ever wanted in a partner. I just get to be me. He can go right ahead and mack on the tiny little woman next door and I will do nothing but smile and high-five him. SHE doesn't have to starve herself or spend 15 hours a week at the gym to be a size four! She's that way NATURALLY. Just like I'm NATURALLY a 38D. the funny thing is that it's not even so much about my weight! Patrick just likes women he can tuck under his arm. We're the same height, so that's NEVER gonna be me and I still genuinely want him to have that.
I'll just HAPPILY be his home base. And he'll be mine. And I'll date tall dark, bald men and he'll date adorable, shorter brunettes.
I can only hope we'll date the redheads together.
Sweet merciful velvet Jesus, the redhead. I'm falling for her and she knows it and just the smell of her perfume and I've got shivers. Don't even get me started on watching her kiss my man because I will probably die RIGHTNOW just thinking about it. That much beauty should be illegal. (And frankly, probably is in Texas.) (I REALLY DO enjoy doing things that are probably illegal in the South.)
The beauty is that I'm building this community, this FAMILY. I love Patrick's kid. I adore Reds' kids. They adore mine. We're all slowly but surely becoming a family. Love isn't a zero sum game here because it isn't a math problem at all. And if it is, it's exponential. Seeing my redhead's smile on her baby daughter's face is an expansion of affection I never could've prepared myself for.
It's pure magic. You have no idea.
As a caveat I certainly don't mean to imply that whatever lifestyle you've adopted is wrong or lacking or insignificant. I really don't. I think monogamy works great for most people. I'm just supremely grateful that I've finally found the life that works for me. My only wish is that we could all be so lucky.