One of the things I'm learning in my stand-up class is just how alternative my lifestyle really is. I'll get up in front of the mic and do a bit about vagina waxing, then one about how all my boyfriends are bald and then one about lipstick lesbian manicures. But when it's time for feedback, everyone's like, wait. HOLD THE PHONE. WHUT? They can't laugh at my sexy nail-clipping bit because they're still stuck on the fact that my clients call me the Vagina Whisperer and I have more than one (bald) boyfriend.
"I realize making women get on their hands and knees to wax their butt cracks is totally normal for you, but give the rest of us time to catch up!"
"I make men do that too," I say with a shrug. "Duh. It's the best part of the wax."
So maybe I am a little... different.
I prefer it this way. I didn't just fall out of a tree and decide to be weird. I'm actually doing all of this on purpose. With intention. I'm not a "normal" girl and I don't have traditional values. I thrive on chaos and noise and excitement and I am passionate to a fault. I'm lucky to have a job where it will never matter that I have purple hair and tattoos. No one cares how weird their waxer is (nor their comedian, now that I think about it).
So after a few years of fucking it up royally at every attempt, I've finally decided to go ahead and give up on monogamy. I know I'm not the only one doing it wrong. If the divorce rate has anything to say about it, it's that monogamy rarely works out the way we think it will, forever and ever and always, amen. Hell, maybe it works for you, but it has done nothing but suck for me. So there's my insanity plea - why keep trying the same thing over and over again and expecting it to make you happy? I am happiest when I'm in love. I am happiest when I am dating. I feel strongly that those two phenomena don't have to be mutually exclusive.
So here's how it works... Patrick is my boyfriend. My Person. In polyspeak he'd be my Primary Partner, but that's just a fancy way of saying he's the one I'm in love with. The first and last person I want to talk to every day. Fortunately, since Patrick isn't monogamous either, falling in love with him didn't mean I had to suddenly disconnect with all my other partners. We both still date other people. He's in a band, so he's pretty much set when it comes to finding cute fan girls to flirt with. And I'm still seeing the Dom, the Muse, the Silver Fox, the Russian(s), the Redhead and most recently, the Friend(s).
Sure, I'm a fan of the sexytimez (BIG FAN), but I haven't picked this life for my libido alone. It's not just about letting my slut flag fly. I've known or have been seeing most of the other people I'm dating on and off for almost a year. I still love meeting and connecting with NEW people. And none of this is a zero sum game. Intimacy certainly isn't. Why expect one partner to be your everything when it's possible to spread that love around a little?
Basically, I get have my cake and eat it too. And so do all of my partners.
So why isn't EVERYONE doing this? Seriously. WHY? Most people never even CONSIDER non-mon0gamy as a lifestyle.
I think that's because polyamory is really hard. It ain't for pussies. It's not all cake. It requires solid egos all around and the kind of communication skills most people only acquire after lots and LOTS of therapy. But miscommunication happens. Jealousy happens. And even then it's still mostly a matter of trial and error. You don't know something's going to hurt until it hurts.
I have a LOT more to say on this topic, including a story about a recent set back, so I'm going to keep writing about it and probably make it a series. If you have questions, ask them. I'll do my best worst.