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« Hi, My name is Amanda and I'm... | Main | Polyamory - Part one of the rest of my life »

November 10, 2013


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I think it's hard for many people, especially those in the wls community, to believe that one can enjoy a few drinks and not be an alcoholic. Many times, and I'm sure you've seen this, someone asks a question on an Internet forum about drinking post wls....the question could be as inane as "how many sips does it take you to get a buzz?" and people jump up and down about cross addiction and dire warnings about the chances of you becoming an alcoholic. One size does not fit all. I'm glad YOUR experience is going okay and you haven't had any earth-shattering revelations. I am quite sure I wouldn't, either.

jar of lights

If you didn't deal with the eating addiction that landed you at 216 pounds and then on an operating table, you simply transferred that addiction to alcohol. Those of us with eyes to see have seen your song and dance routine from alcoholics in our own lives. For your children's sake, I hope you wake up.


From my limited experiences with you, I don't think you're not an alkie. You definitely know how to enjoy yourself un-fucked-up. That being said, loving the blog & wish I was sitting on my porch smoking ciggies with you, sipping Vietnamese coffee & getting ready to whip you up an omelette.
The Breakfast Maker

MILF Runner

More sobriety is a healthy thing for you and for your family. Good for you. Increased self-awareness is always good.


Well, you've certainly reached the "hey! Look at me!! There's nothing wrong with me!! At all! Wahoo!!"

As the child of an alchololic everything you've written is terrifyingly...normal excusive behaviour.

Nothing matters but you. Nothing.

Who gives two shits that your kids see you drunk? It's just fine because you're wonderful. And perfect. And you can do it all while drunk...with your kids knowing it!


I think it's awesome that you haven't been thinking about booze, and that you're feeling so great. I'm preparing to embark on a similar sobriety test/quest/whatever the hell it is, and your story is really helpful to me.


Any time anyone can go for any amount of time without poisoning their body with alcohol, well that's always just a really good thing. It seems you protesteth too much, however, in regard to how much you are the same drunk or sober. Although I don't know you I do know a lifetime of people who drink and not one single one of them realizes completely how they REALLY are when they're drunk...but you could be the one exception. Possibly, the longer you remain sober the more it will dawn on you how ridiculous it sounded to say you are exactly the same drunk as you are sober.


I'd just throw out the jello shots if they were bugging me. I mean... jello gets gross in the fridge after a few days, doesn't it?


Also... BDSM? While drinking? Isn't like, Rule 1 that all parties should be clean and sober during? So glad that you're able to enjoy it as much without having to drink.


Beware the pink cloud, Amanda. Wishing this goes well for you.


Amanda- I continue to be impressed with your honesty, transparency, and integrity, and congratulate you on 10 days sober, woot!

I'm irritated by the less than supportive comments, I find them rude and distasteful. I have a brother that struggled with alcoholism for many years, almost dying from it, and yet I do *not* feel qualified to assess your relationship to alcohol.

Nor do I think there is any value in doing so. This is your journey- it's your story-- and you are a woman who does things, big things. You're such a beautiful spirit and loving kind force in this world.

You don't have to be perfect- I'm so grateful that you're you- on a really fantastical life journey- and that I get to share in it because of the windows into your life that you create to share your experience with me.

I'm better for it. So much love and support your way, lovely friend. <3


my GOODNESS, there sure is a lot of projecting in these comments! How DARE you have your own unique experience, Amanda?!

Dear "jar of lights" and "Sally": you sound awfully jaded and angry, probably due to your own experiences with such matters.

People have to find their own path, and you demanding that she see whatever light you've seen is rather pointless.

Good luck, Amanda, And good for you for gaining an altogether new perspective on things.

cindy w

Not going in on the "alcoholic or not" debate because you have plenty of that here already. But I have to say, from my own personal experience, all things sex-related are a million times better when I'm stone cold sober than when I've had a few drinks. I like the clarity, I like the full knowledge that what I'm doing is working for my partner (and what he's doing is working for me), and really, everything is just WAY more intense when my nerve endings aren't numbed by booze. So if that isn't motivation to cut back on drinking, I don't know what is.


My ex-husband used to do this. Go on "test periods" of not drinking. He'd make a big deal of HOW SUCCESSFUL he was at this. Justify his drinking, i.e. I'm always 'sober' in front of the kids. I'm successful at work and I drink! I can still have great sex (so he thought) even when I drink!

(I agree with the other poster - you don't know what you look/act like when you're drinking; your perception is altered).

Then after awhile he'd fail. He hated failing because he made such a point about how he *could* be 'sober' whenever he wanted to.

Then he started secretly drinking when the kids were in bed. Then he started secretly drinking when the kids weren't in bed. It was a slippery slope he just slipped right down.

Now he is in AA and while he is still an ass, he is less of an ass. He is making big strides and I give him credit. We did end up divorcing because of his alcoholism.


Um, it's "faze" me. The word "phase" means a stage of life.


While the wls community is quite a polarized one, no one can speak for anyone else but themselves...

I still am quite visible in the wls community and my emphasis is on things people don't want to talk about in there.

I don't claim to know Amanda, but while I've known a lot of people who end up with transfer addictions post op, not everyone does.

Not everyone can fall into a one size fits all, all or nothing approach that's best for their best medical and mental health. I drink on occasion. I have bipolar disorder 2 that it's been deemed best that I'm not on a cocktail of psychotropic meds due the cognitive damage I sustained. I can go great periods of time not drinking. I don't follow a bariatric diet but I don't eat unlike a wls peep either at almost 12 years post gastric bypass and 3 years post reversal.

While I'm not anything resembling a success story in any aspect of my life including the wls community for not keeping all my weight off. I have a lot more success with the "happy medium" then given credit. Because of my weight regain and my reversal, I put up with an enormous amount of shit when being honest with people about my issues that I only bring up to help others. I don't need anyone to diagnose me with conditions I don't have and I don't think Amanda does, either.

She's admitted she's used alcohol as a crutch, no one here is her higher power that she needs to be accountable to. She seems to live her life in a lot of ways with a lot of balance, a lot more then she gives herself credit for, as well as those who have nothing better to do then judge her for her honesty...

The biggest stone throwers whether people have had wls or not, are more conservative in their sexual beliefs or just plain judgy and are people who love to hate beyond the comfort, cowardice and with cruelty that the internet affords are also the biggest liars to themselves and the world at large both online and offline...

They also tend to live in the most cracked glass houses that are just about one more hit from shattering. They'd be best off worrying about their own issues then finding fault with honesty that maybe doesn't sit well with them for a reason that their not willing to admit to themselves about and figure out how to fix themselves then worrying about judging or fixing other people...


This is classic alcoholic behavior. The fact that you can catalogue every single instance where you "totally weren't thinking about alcohol," means you were, in fact, thinking about alcohol.

The desperation and denial colors the tone of your post. You have a serious problem, and you need to admit it, not just brush it off. Not to mention, this "gee golly shucks" manner in approach to something as life-ruining as alcoholism is downright offensive. Fix yourself.


I admire your honesty here, and wish you the best of luck with this!

(And I'm more than a touch mortified by how awful some of these commenters are. Why leave an opinion that is so nasty? Move long, folks. The Internet has something for everyone.)

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