Still sober! And as disappointing as it will be for my many readers who think I'm a Stark Raving Alcoholic Who Will Eventually Crash and Burn in Denial and End Up in a 12-Step Program, it is still one of the easiest things I've ever done. Aside from wishing someone would just go ahead and slurp down the remaining Jello shots from Halloween because they're taking up an awkward amount of space in the fridge, I haven't even really even thought about booze.
Not even in situations during which I normally would have had a cocktail (or three). Situations like:
- Dinner at SamnTerry's house. They had wine and beer. I had water. I had just as much fun as always. Not MORE fun. Just EXACTLY THE SAME AMOUNT.
- Bitchez in the backyard. I got home earlier this week and a bunch of my closest girlfriends were getting schwasted in the carport (which we lovingly refer to as the outdoor living room). Normally I would have wasted no time catching up. But instead I just hung out. Sober. And aside from it just seeming WEIRD to be the only sober person there, it didn't even PHASE me. I had just as much fun with them as I always do.
- BDSM. Not really gonna expand on that one, but let's just say I enjoyed it every bit as much as usual.
- Making out with cute boys in the carport.
- Getting snubbed by my ex boyfriend and his new blond at a comedy show.
- Going to a strip club on a lesbian date.
Never once in any of these situations did I even WANT a drink. It wasn't even on my mind. And trust me when I say no one could be more surprised about this than I am. The only physical symptoms I'm having are weightloss and exhaustion (which could be a result of my increase in work out hours). I've lost seven pounds.
I've also gained a veritable fuckton of insight about myself and my drinking. And how UNNECESSARY it is. It feels like I've been using crutches for three years because I thought I broke my leg, but it turns out my leg healed a long time ago and I can walk just fine on my own. I JUST DIDN'T KNOW because the crutches became part of my life.
But it turns out I'm EXACTLY THE SAME PERSON drunk or sober. I'm loud. Silly. Slutty. FUN. I say the hard things and ask the wrong questions. I put my foot in my mouth a lot. I'm forgetful. I have zero short term memory. I've been blaming so many of my less flattering personality traits on liquor, but it turns out I'm just a ditz! And KLUTZY! I break just as many dishes sober as I do drunk! I had no idea that was just me and not the vodka. I'm also not a morning person. Ever. It has nothing to do with how much I drank the night before. I'm just crabby in the morning. Period.
I'm looking forward to seeing Patrick so he can tell me if he notices any difference, but I think the main lesson I'm taking away from November is that I'm the same drunk or sober. Not MORE me, not LESS me, just... ME.
I see a lot more sobriety in my future. And I like it.