On Friday Dave bought me lunch. Yes, Dave, as in ex-husband Dave.
It was more than a little surreal, but after two hours of vulnerability, conversation, forgiveness and tears, we decided to become... friends.
I KNOW! How rad is that?!
It turned out to be a lot easier than I thought it would be. I've been so angry with him since the divorce, I think I forgot how much I enjoy his company (when we aren't fighting and/or married). And we have these magnificent children who've been the unfortunate victims of our long-standing silent dumbassery.
They deserve to have grown-ups for parents. So that's what we're going to be.
And they are SO STOKED. Alex had a sleepover on Friday, so I had Genoa all to myself for the night. We went ice skating and then came home for a "girl party" (which to her meant eating Fruit by the Foot IN BED while watching Dancing With the Stars). We were having so much fun, I almost forgot to tell her my big news.
"Guess who's coming for breakfast on Sunday?"
"I don't knooooow. Joel?"
"Nope. Better."
"JUST TELL ME." The child got her patience from me, apparently.
"Daddy."
"MY Daddy?!"
"Yes, YOUR Daddy."
"He's coming HERE? INSIDE the house?!" When I nodded, her face flashed with a one-two punch of shock, delight and then the BIGGEST, MOST PERFECT GRIN I HAVE EVER SEEN ON ANYONE. EVER.
"He'll get to see Harry!"
Indeed he did.
Alex and I made crepes and bacon and hash browns and mimosas. I also forgot how much I missed feeding Dave, which was weird.
In fact, the whole thing is WEIRD, WEIRD, WEIRD, but I'm incredibly grateful. And humbled. I honestly can't think about it without crying.
So Dave is officially one of My People again. Which is to say he survived and seemed to genuinely enjoy the onslaught of the rest of my clan. He fit right in!
If this turns out to be even HALF as good for the kids as it already is for me, then I want to shoot myself for not doing it sooner. I'm glad Dave had the nuts to propose the truce and wear his heart on his sleeve so I could actually hear that he meant it.
Alex seems to have more reservations than Genoa does, although maybe it's just that he's able to articulate them in ways his sister can't. He still remembers the fighting days and it's going to take him some time to believe us when we say we're not going to do that anymore. On the drive back to his dad's house on Sunday night, Alex told me he wasn't sure he wanted to be in the divorce counseling group at school anymore. "I don't think I'll need it now that you and Dad are friends."
One small step for me, one giant step for the DelWestmont family.
I couldn't contain my glee even if I tried.
Obviously.
That is great, Amanda. My divorced parents (since I was 7) didn't decide to be friends again until I was an adult. Better late than never, but it would have been nice to see them be friends when I was a kid. As long as you both put your kids first, then everyone is a winner.
Posted by: Abby | November 13, 2012 at 07:49 AM
So glad you and Dave are working at being friends. It will be better for all of you. Just wish my ex was adult enough to do this for our kids.......maybe someday.
Posted by: Dianna Gallagher | November 13, 2012 at 08:37 AM
I love this-it's such a good thing for all of you. I'm glad that you can enjoy the things you like about each other and since you're not married-you don't really have to deal with the things you DON'T like about each other. Yay for everyone. That's some great personal growth for both of you. Good for Dave for initiating it.
Posted by: Jules | November 13, 2012 at 09:23 AM
Who is the woman next to you?
Posted by: alana | November 13, 2012 at 01:56 PM
Awesome !!!
Posted by: Faraway Reader | November 14, 2012 at 06:59 AM
So happy for everyone!! PS you look freakin Great!!!
Posted by: laura | November 14, 2012 at 11:14 AM