Remember that episode of Friends when Monica fell in love with Richard? And how no matter how much she loved him, she knew it could never work out?
Well my Tom Selleck moved out on Friday and took his magnificent furry chest with him.
I love him so hard that even thinking about not being with him makes me sob. Often in public.
But we can't live together any more. We have completely different relationship needs. Joel is quiet and intellectual and tends to keep to himself. And I am totally the opposite of all that. Even after almost two years of therapy, his quietness made me feel invisible, even though he was just being Joel and it wasn't his fault that I felt that way. But I still felt that way and my neediness made us both miserable.
I finally realized that I've spent the past two years as a contortionist, trying to change myself so that he would be someone else.
But he isn't. He's JOEL. And I have never loved or admired anyone more.
So this isn't going to be your average break-up.
In fact, I'm writing this post from his office where he's sitting right across from me. We're eating the leftover fish tacos I made him last night and listenening to Pat Benetar. We decided that the best way to deal with our grief was to start dating as soon as possible, so we just helped each other take profile photos to put on OK Cupid. We laughed so hard at some of them that my stomach still hurts.
I always thought of us as that obnoxious couple at the bar who loved each other way too much and now we get to be that obnoxious couple who breaks up and actually stays friends. The next fifty years of my life just changed in a single weekend, but I get to keep the man I still love as a friend and that means I'm only crying HALF the time, not all of it.
Of course, I have no idea what I'm going to do about rent or roommates or money and I probably need someone to give me an Adele intervention, but this was for the best.
Which is all Joel and I deserve.