I spent a good three hours ranting and raving in my head this afternoon before I realized that OH. CRAP. It's that SUPER-FUN-TIME-OF-THE-MONTH again! I actually have it marked off on my calendar as "FREAK OUT" week. I literally get a text message from myself when my crazy brain takes over.
It's not that it reminds me that I'm crazy so much as it gives me a rather pleasant earworm:
I mean, c'est CHIC, right?
Only it's not so much fun to be in my head for this particular week every month.
I'm not sure what to do. I've tried what? Four different medications? None of them is right. Effexor made my brain feel like a diabetic in a candy store, but it also increased my anxiety and made my vagina numb. Zoloft made me a zombie who didn't give a crap either way. I've been on Wellbutin for two months now (at the maximum dosage) and while it helps - in that I can actually RECOGNIZE that I'm being crazy - it does very little to turn the volume down on my crazy. Which, it turns out, isn't really all that helpful after all.
And then there are the orgasms.
Don't even get me started on that thread.
All this is just to say: being broken SUCKS. I wish I didn't have to deal with this. I wish my hormones didn't make me bipolar every month. I also wish my crazy week wasn't coinciding with both Genoa's birthday and the VERY EXCITING news that my brother is bringing me an adorable pair of nephews to fawn over this weekend.
Self-awareness is great and all, but sadly it isn't a solution.
I want out of my brain. Being this kind of prisoner is no fun at all.