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April 30, 2012


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Oh, honey. Hugs. That's all.


I could have written this. Well, minus the ginormo stack of pube towels. I feel the same way about my mom.


Wow -- I can't tell you how this parallels the experience that I am currently faced with. Good for you for baring all. I find it incredibly brave.


Yep. Get that. Doing the work helps. I keep telling myself that too.


Hey! I've been there. So much thinking and talking and praying and hoping and crying finally led me to the place where I realized my mom and my dad were no longer my parents, they were "ann" and "eric", very real, very human individuals, who I could appreciate and enjoy but also not judge or criticize, because after all, they were just two people who were in my life who I loved. And more importantly, I realized I was no longer their child, or a child at all. I am an independent adult who has everything she needs, and when she finds herself lacking she is able to seek out the love and affection and attention (or whatever else it is that she desires) from reliable, trustworthy sources. I no longer mourn for the hurt child in me, because the adult woman is just too dang lucky to complain. I've built my own support network that is outside of my parents, and I can access what I need on my own now. As far as my relationship with my parents? I love them, so I spend reasonable amounts of time with them on holidays and such, but no more and no less, and the pain is gone. Hope this helps.


I am so sorry. I have a similar tough relationship with my father. We don't speak very often. I'm sorry you are in pain.

Faraway Reader

Sooo get this. It has been all around me these days. Time to get my butt back to therapy for a Refresher.
Thanks for sharing with us.


I'm sorry to derail the tone of the comments here, but I have a question. Did I miss a post about you and your sister? You seemed so very close after you and Dave split up. I had no idea you weren't on speaking terms. I would die inside if my sister wasn't speaking to me. I'm sorry.


It's freaky how similar some of the things you are going through match what I am going through. Anger, med issues, Mom issues. . .

My counselor recommended this book last week. I thought I'd share.

Children of the Self Absorbed: A Grown Ups Guide To Getting Over Narcissistic Parents. by Nina Brown.

Good luck!

Amanda P. Westmont

I haven't written about it because she doesn't like being on my blog, but my sister and I broke up about a year ago. Every once in a while we try to talk, but neither of us can make it work just yet. I do miss her, though.


That is very sad that you and your sister aren't able to work things out. I hope the future will find you close again. I don't have a sister (or a brother) but I just know that I would be so broken to have a break up with a sibling. :(


The sister thing is sad. I'm sorry. But what stood out for me was how you said you're occasionally Liza's stepmom. I thought she lived with you pretty regularly or at least half the time? I might be reading too much into the use of occasionally, though.


this life is so funny. i love that in all your relationships, you're learning about (and expressing for our benefit) the vast complexity of love. my favorite book in the world, my deal-breaker book, 'the spy in the house of love' by anais nin, i think mirrors a lot of what you're discovering (my understanding of it anyway). it's such a good lesson for your children and, trust me, as adults, they'll love you for it.


Oh man. I could've written this too. I wonder if there's anyone out there who has a good relationship with their parents. It's like a unicorn. It'd be a beautiful thing and you really hope it exists, but to date no one you know has ever seen one. At least not straight and sober.

Now what's creeping me out is what I'm unknowingly doing to my own kids, even though I'm desperately trying not to repeat my parent's mistakes.


Like, Vanessa, it was like this with my dad. Different reasons but essentially it comes down to them not being the parent that you wish they were. In my case, he just wasn't capable of that and eventually over time I came to terms with it. It's a long road though. If you keep working on yourself you'll get there.

Western Mama

Once I realized that my parents had difficult childhoods (that they didn't even really acknowledge) I was able to see that they had raised me to the best of their capabilities. Talking about how THEIR parents raised them as best as they knew how, made for some interesting conversations (and ultimately improved things between us). Hugs!

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