A little ditty about Jack and Diane

Over the summer, Joel and I pretty much gave up on going to church. We had other priorities (law suits, feeding our children, etc.) and we ended up letting the blog go. At the time (and in fact, even now), I was okay with this. I blamed it on a lack of mojo. Lack of time. New job. Excuses, excuses...

But what my lackluster interest in the blog really boiled down to was trouble in paradise. I didn't want to write a blog with Joel because he and I weren't okay. We still aren't. Go on over there and read about it because we're going to church again and I'm going to do what I should have been doing all along: I'm going to write my way through the sludge.

"I don’t feel like an equal partner in the most important relationship I’ve ever had. My biggest fear is that I have found the love of my life (because I might not believe in Jesus, but God help me, I believe that Joel T. Gunz is The One), but that he doesn’t feel that way about me."

Read more here.

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In other anxiety-inducing news, I took Genoa for her first haircut on Saturday. For months she's been begging me to cut it off and for months I've been resisting the idea for one reason: her father. We all know how well he handled it when I cut MY hair off, so I can only imagine what his reaction will be to seeing his beloved baby girl with short hair.

But that's my PTSD and his problem, not Genoa's. I mean, the child just wanted to get her hair cut.

And the truth is I only intended to let her get a trim, but once the baby curls were gone, I lost my willpower and gave in to her demands to cut it as short as she wanted. I mean, wasn't this about making HER happy?

Because OMG, y'all, she is SO HAPPY. She LOVES her new hair.

She kept begging me to take her picture so she could see it on my phone.

I'm honestly still mourning her beautiful long hair myself, but I know EXACTLY how good it feels to love your haircut, even when the most important man in your life doesn't. Although, my guess is he'll take one look at the huge expectant smile on her face and swoon. She's never been more adorable.

Comments

[outraged]

Her haircut is great! She is a cutie anyway, but that haircut really suits her face.

Hang onto Joel. He understands you are going a rough patch, but be kind to him whenever you can. Men like that do not come around often.

[cindy w]

I love Genoa's hair, and OH MAN, I so hope her dad doesn't say anything negative about it.

Glad you're writing through the sludge. Hang in there, lady. xoxo

[Leigh]

Wow. I just read your post at BeliefNet, and it may be the most spiritually profound post you've ever written. Because this: "No matter how difficult I am, he keeps trying. He is still here right where I need him," this is true not only of your Joel but of God, too. Regardless of what you may hear in the fire and brimstone sermons, the real God loves each one of us totally and unconditionally, and he is right there when we need him.

He's not there to hand out new washing machines or jobs to the unemployed or health to the sick (unfortunately--I could use all three of those myself), but God does give us peace and comfort and the strength to make it through each day. Just like your Joel--he holds you up when things are awful, right there when you need him.

I hope that through this journey through church you find what you're looking for: not conformity, not rules and laws, but a transforming love. You give it to others, and your readers have seen that; I hope you can learn to receive it in yourself.

[Rebekah]

Amen to what Leigh said - I second that wholeheartedly. My God is loving, forgiving, gracious - he tells us that there is nothing - no conditions, no personality, no choices, no mistakes, NOTHING - that could cause him to stop loving me or you or anyone. He loves us all - no matter what, just as we are, and just wants to have a relationship with us. I hope you both hang in there - seeking out God together will help you grow closer as a couple. All the best to you. I'm glad to hear you're going back to the church project - it is a beautiful thing to pursue God's heart and to know him.