I am seriously freaking out.
Because we are MOVING TO PORTLAND, which has been on my mind for well over a year, even before I met Joel, actually. I have wanted to move there and talked myself out of it so many times that I can't even remember why I was arguing with myself about it in the first place.
But it's very simple: it's where I want my family to live.
I should probably back up and say that I'll be commuting the kids to their current school, so there will be no educational disruption. It's exactly 14 miles each way and the drive (since we won't be fighting any traffic) takes 18 minutes. They're at an excellent school and they can continue to attend it as long as their father (and/or grandmother) lives in the district. I don't know why it took me so long to realize that that didn't mean *I* needed to live so close by. Maybe it was guilt? Maybe that's still there, but Dave gets to control where the kids go to school. When it's my week, I get to control where they live and with whom.
And I want to raise my family in the city. Not just because it's more convenient for me (it isn't) or because the man I'm sharing my life with feels like he's rotting on the vine in Camas (even though he does), but because I actually think it will be good for my children. Living in the suburbs is great - it's safe and clean and friendly and has good schools and even better neighbors - but it's not the real world. It's too pretty! The people are too nice! The real world is gritty and imperfect and it needs a fresh coat of paint and some change for the bus. I want my kids to learn how to see the beauty in all that grit and honestly, how are they gonna know who to give their spare change to if I don't teach them?
All that said, this house isn't that gritty at all. It's exactly old enough to have good character and bad plumbing. It needs paint. It's gonna need furniture. But it has everything else we need and by that I mean one thing: SPACE. Each kid will get their own bedroom. Joel and I will have an office. Liza will have a basement apartment all to herself. The kitchen is huge and there's room for all of us to spread out. We won't feel like we're living on top of each other anymore.
I could go on and on about the garden (enormous! and organic!), the location (2 minutes from the freeway!), the forrest across the street (a 22-acre nature preserve with miles of trails!), or how quiet and safe the neighborhood feels, but instead I'm just going to be honest: I'M TERRIFIED.
This is huge and scary and I have no idea if I'm ready for it.