Blond Ambition

Going blond turned out to be a bit of a marathon. Since my hair was already dyed red, it was a huge challenge for the student stylists at the Aveda Institute to get me to a color that wasn't a bright shade of salmon. Just like the brazen women who don the color in the first place, red is stubborn as hell to get rid of. It took a triple process: an hour of bleach, wash, another two hours of bleach under a heater, wash, and then finally some extremely burny toner over the washbasin. My scalp is still smarting.

Basically I had bleach on my head for five hours on Saturday.

Surprisingly enough, my hair totally survived. I had only processed it once in eight years, so it was in really good shape. It's still a bit frizzy and the curl isn't quite sure what to do with itself yet, but yeah. I'm blond. Platinum!

I feel the need to break down this concept of changing my hair color FOR A MAN.

OF ALL THE HORRORS!

You people have a pisspoor short-term memory, dontcha now? I started thinking about going blond ages ago. It's actually number five on my Life List. I've always wanted to go blond, if for no other reason than to conduct my own social experiment. Do blondes actually have more fun?

How the hell else am I gonna find out?

I'm no doormat. I swear, it's like you people don't know me AT ALL. Joel didn't make me do this! I offered to do it myself because I wanted to see the look on his face the first time he saw me blond. And let's just say it's a good thing he had his daughter that night because otherwise we not only would have broken my bed, but several ribs and a femur or two as well.

But just for the sake of the argument, let's go ahead and assume that the ONLY reason I went blond was to make a bald man happy. Maybe I forgot to read that particular chapter in the feminist manifesto, but WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THAT?

Isn't GOOD SEX an imperative part of the feminist agenda?

In fact, what the hell is wrong with YOU if you wouldn't trade a day in a salon for a chance at satisfying your lover's high school wet dream? I mean, REALLY? You wouldn't do that? Seriously?

Not to get too intimate here, but I'm the kind of woman who really enjoys making her partner happy.

I mean: REALLY.

This whole idea that I did it just for a man is ridiculous. I did it because making my man happy gets ME off. There was no altruism in this; it was a purely selfish endeavor.

Was it worth it? I dunno, but I'll get back to you just as soon as I can sit down again.

Comments

[March]

ok, first: you were the one to take us to your bald man page where he talks about his blonde thing thanks to Hitchcock, so it's only natural to make the connection that you went blonde for him.

second, this life list you refer to is the same one where you list having sexy photos taken for your ex and going on a honeymoon with your ex in Italy, so that list is obviously not set in stone.

third: the person that wrote this post is the same one that not long ago preached about saying yes to her husband, anytime, anywhere as the secret to a happy marriage. and we all know how truthful that was, specially after you writing that married sex is like eating a sandwich.

I felt disappointed cause the past posts you've written (from a little before Xmas to now) seemed like the true Amanda was coming out again, not the one boasting to the world her life is so amazingly awesome, but the one that realistically talks about some ups and some downs and some in-betweens. it felt like you were back to not trying to impress anyone. so I felt I was back to reading the Amanda I would so love to meet and befriend. (which is why I have read your blog for years now and keep coming back).

all this you write here about how part of feminism is having glorious sex and telling the whole world about how your vagina can't sit down just now just sounds you are trying hard to prove something to someone. not sure who. yes, feminism includes taking charge of your sexuality, exploring it, being free to enjoy it. but I'm not sure "screaming" to the world how you're fulfilling wet dreams and possibly breaking beds empowers you in a real way. I think it'll just embarass your children some day (cause no matter how freely you discuss sex with your children or parents, noone really wants to know that much detail of your parents sex life).

you are a gorgeous woman, and like I said before, you look beautiful with any hair color (and that is so true! your skin is gorgeous and goes with any color you choose for your hair).

[Abby]

Amanda, I really am a supporter...but to think that your parents read this...and one day your children will read this. Why?? It just creeps me out.

[Michelle]

Ditto Abby. I'm all for being open and honest about sex, hell I used to sell sex toys for a home party business, but there is a line between talking to your girlfriends about it and putting it out there for your parents or your boss or your children to one day see.

It doesn't look like empowerment from here, it looks like your aunt Mildred sitting down at a family function telling you about her vagina... uncomfortable.

[Kirsten]

Not to be picky, but blonde is natural blonde. Bleach blonde is bleach blonde. Not quite the same. Looks cute though. Glad you're having fun!

[d.g.]

I think what everyone needs to remember is this: Amanda, this is your life, your decisions, your happiness. If you want it all out there on the internet for the world to see, that is your business. If there are repercussions due to the content of this website, I'm sure that you can, and will, handle it. This is your website, and you can say whatever the hell you want, and if other people don't like it, they don't have to read it.

We all make what we hope are good decisions, and if they turn out to be not so good, well, then, live and learn. Seems to me that you were unhappy for a long time, Amanda, and hid it well, and now that you are free, you are finally experiencing life the way you've always wanted to experience it.

The bottom line is: Life is too short to be unhappy, and if something you say here isn't something that someone wants to read, then perhaps that someone should no longer read your posts. Seems fairly simple to me. If you don't like the content, move along to another blog. No one is forcing you to stay.

Btw, I'm a long time reader, but I've never commented. I've been noticing how the minute you left Dave, the tone of comments changed drastically, and if just seems odd to me that your readers would begrudge you a little happiness.

[Cherie Beyond]

Way back when you first announced the divorce and people's comments started getting nasty, some wise reader (and I'm too lazy to go back and figure out who) said, "I wish people would stop treating Amanda's life like a novel with a twist they don't agree with." Yes. That.

People, this is a life. Here's what lives are: they are convoluted and messy and sometimes smart decisions are made and sometimes dumb decisions are made and we all, usually, make it through to the other side relatively intact. Lives are not planned. And even if they are planned, sometimes that plan doesn't work out so well and you need to replan. Or just throw all plans out the window and start again.

Maybe Amanda is off her rocker and delusional and has completely lost touch with both reality and her sense of self and this is evidenced by enthusiasm over a boyfriend, too much sex talk, and a change in hair color. I don't think she has, and I don't think it is, but just for fun let's assume this is the case.

So what?

Haven't you ever gone through a phase in your life where you made choices that other people thought were weird and possibly inappropriate? No? Don't worry. You will. We all do.

And when you do, you're gonna want to apologize like hell to Amanda.

[Emily W.]

I am glad I am not the only one that found this to be disgusting and completely insulting.

First off, like March said above, for you to say we don't know you AT ALL is the understatement of the year. No, we don't know you because you can't keep your stories straight. First you play the part of the loving wife and mother. Now you are playing the part of the "dress me up" sex kitten. Really, there is no way for anyone to know who you are because of all the inconsistencies in your stories.

Also, I know you are so proud of all of this behavior, but SERIOUSLY, the fact that your children or your ex-husband can read this at any given time is really bad. For you to say how much you care about Dave's feelings and then to put this stuff out there publicly for him to see is very insensitive. Also, what kind of mother would want her children to see this stuff? Who would want their children to know that their vagina is all worn out from all the sex? Or that sex with their father was nothing more than a sandwich and now you are so happy eating at Hometown Buffet every night? Heck, not just your children, but your co-workers, clients, family... I just don't get it.

Additionally, for you to say that anyone who isn't interested in satisfying their man's "wet dream" needs to make a "note to themselves that they suck in bed" (as you wrote in all caps for emphasis) is so rude. No one wants to read about what "gets you off" or how your body has a "physical reaction" to pleasing your lover. Or how you are into being dominated. I notice you took that stuff out too. However, haven't you ever heard that when you put something on the internet, it's written in ink? So, even though you took these parts out of your post, it's still out there sitting here right in my cache and a lot of other people's too.

I am assuming you got flack for these comments so that it why you took them out. Of course that doesn't change the fact that you think it and put it out there because as you always say, you make no apologies for your behavior.

So you know Amanda, just because a person doesn't dress up in ridiculous costumes, play characters all the time because they can't be themselves and fries their hair to a bleached out platinum shade of crap that makes them look like they are 60 years old means that they "suck in bed" as you say.

Talk about intellectual elitism. Just because a person happily has monogamous sex with their spouse and isn't visiting strip clubs for New Year's or playing dress up doesn't mean we "suck in bed" or are phoning our sex lives in with a sandwich. It just means we don't run around behaving like a prostitute that doesn't charge for her services and that maybe sex means more to us than just getting laid and contracting herpes. For you to say this stuff about your readers is so FLAT OUT WRONG! I don't even know how the Amanda You Go Girlers can be on board with you on this one because you are saying this stuff about them too.

Really, all you are doing is alienating what's left of your loyal readers. Thanks...

[Jennifer]

Yes, funny that this post that is on here now is NOT the same as was posted before. I thought it was just me that noticed. Oh, and (agreeing w/Kirsten) BTW Amanda, blond is NATURAL blond(not bleached, fried, scarecrow hair blond) and red is NATURAL red (not Ronald-McDonald-called-and-wants- to-know-why-you-stole-his-hair-color red). But, wait! You are one of the most "unnatural" people that I know of, so it fits. And yes, you do look like you have a freakin' cat on your head. Ridiculous.

Oh, and I just asked my husband, and guess what, turns out that after all these years, I still don't suck in bed! You are unbelievable to think that you- who by your own admission, never really dated, was married when you were a kid (therefore had limited sexual experience)-you think that because you have been on the scene for all of a few months are now the be all and end all of sexual experience and knowledge?

I would say that you should look in the mirror and maybe your ridiculous appearance would help to tone down your ego a bit, but you obviously have no mirrors in your house...

[Jaime]

Relax and stop taking yourself so seriously, life is too short.

[Brandy]

Wow Amanda!

Nice that you tell all of us readers that we "SUCK IN BED" because we don't make asses of ourselves with all these get ups and don't put it out there for everyone to read. SERIOUSLY!?!

Some of us have more class than that and keep our sex lives private between partners. It's called being respectful and mature.

I feel so sorry for Alex and Genoa. Genoa especially. That poor little girl doesn't have a chance with this example. I shudder to think of the men you will have around her because lets face it, your vagina rules your roost, so that cums first (pun intended) over anything else except your massive narcissistic ego.

Unfortunately, you aren't fooling anyone that knows you. You CONSTANTLY tell everyone how you are so level headed, have a great self esteem, etc. However, people who are really that way, don't go around saying it all. the. time. People who respect themselves, don't go around thinking they are fictional characters from cable TV shows (and Christina Hendricks - YOU AIN'T) and old Alfred Hitchcock movies (Kim Novak REALLY?? More like Norman Bates' mother in PSYCHO!! - which is fitting because you've been acting the part and now you've got the hair to match).

So if you think that I have a problem saying it to your face, believe me I DON'T. I have said it directly to you and would say it again without hesitation.

[Seeeeestor]

Hey everybody, Amanda's little sister here.

I would just like to clarify a concern some of you commenters seem to have. You are worried that some of Amanda's family members are going to read this and be totally shocked! Well, what Amanda says here on here blog is a watered down, neatly packaged version of part of the detail that she goes into with me. And I LOVE it. My sister and I tell eachother almost every gory detail of our sex lives, and it doesnt bother me at all. In fact, It surprises me that yall cant even handle the cliffnotes!

The truth is, you dont know Amanda's family. What I can honestly say is that nothing she has said here on her blog is all that shocking, and its certainly nothing she hasn't told us herself in person. Our family talks about sex a lot. When I was a kid I got the sex talk at least once a year from mom, and from Amanda twice. There is rarely a conversation the two of us have that doesnt include an update about our exploits.

Also, you guys seem to think she's changed a whole lot after the divorce. Nope, she hasnt. She's just a whole lot happier, and you're seeing a side of her for the first time that I've known my whole life.

I honestly dont know why you all keep thinking she's insulting YOU by comparing HER married life with HER single life. Dont be so vain, she's not talking about you. She doesnt have to justify her actions to you. You should ask yourself why you're so sensitive about all of this.

[Abby]

But dear Seestor, what about her CHILDREN? Having a sex talk with them is fine but what about when they look back at mom's blog and read all the intimate details? Is that cool? I don't think so, it just makes mom look like a slut.

(And trust me, her kids are not that far away from being able to find whatever they want on the Internet for themselves!)

[Jennifer]

Hey little sister,

If you think this helps Amanda out by making her look better to her readers, wrong!Good to know that her real life is SO MUCH WORSE than what she writes.

[Emily]

Amanda's sister, good to know that Amanda is so much worse than she is putting out here. You think this is something to be proud of?? Obviously you and your whole family think this is good.

I am not a prude in any way, shape or form. But, you didn't make Amanda look any better with your comment. In fact, you made your whole family seem like a pretty disgusting bunch. I second Brandy's comment. Poor Alex and Genoa. I hope their dad can shelter them as much as possible from such behavior.

[Joel]

The concerns about Amanda's kids are understandable. But if you'd like, I invite you to try this perspective on for size:

Amanda is hardly the first parent to ever write steamily about her sex life. It's been done before, you know. Show me one child who was damaged as a result. The fact is, kids of such authors have gone on the record and are very well adjusted and even feel lucky that they had a mother who wasn't constrained by Victorian morals. Such kids also demonstrate an amazing ability to read what they want and ignore that which they'd rather not know about their mothers.

By the way, yes, we're talking Victorian morality. For thousands of years and in most cultures, the entire family shared one bed. Every night. In the West, the idea of separate bedrooms is a relatively recent development. Get the picture? So, maybe what Amanda is writing goes against your grain, but surely you'd agree that there's more than one way to carry your sexuality?

On the other hand, there are millions of kids who grew up in homes in which sex was not frankly talked about. To paraphrase Dr. Phil, how has that worked out?

One day, Amanda's kids will indeed discover that she has a sex life. Every kid discovers that. If Alex and Genoa find that she is adventurous (yet safe), enthusiastic and proud -- not timid, prudish and secretive -- they will likely grow up to have a healthier sexuality than most. There's a good chance that they will trust her when she encourages them to make wise, mature choices and to be safe. They are lucky to have a mother like her.

[Abby]

You know what else Amanda, it just occurred to me that if Dave really wanted to he could use this blog against you in a petition to get full custody of your children! Please don't do that to yourself OR your children.

And with that, I am done commenting.

[Krystal]

All I can say is WOW! You know I bet you that Alex and Genoa will never have sex. How dare them. It's such a nasty thing. How crazy is this..... because of sex they are living and breathing humans!!! You people are rediculous. Who cares if they read this. Sex is natural and fun and if you don't spice it up, guess what?!!! It gets boring. So by reading all of these comments by you hateful people that don't even know Amanda I have come to the conclusion that your sex life sucks. Either you dont have anyone to have sex with or your husbands don't want to have sex with you because
You are boring. Quit reading the blog if you are so offended and find a new hobby. You are all just jealous. Here's to YOU Amanda for keeping it spicy!! You go girl.

[Joel]

I'd also like to add another comment to concerns regarding what the kids are being exposed to. Amanda is scrupulously careful about bringing her kids in on her adult life. None of the men she has dated have seen her kids. I HAVE NOT YET MET HER KIDS.

This isn't just about sex, but about children's expectations and the bonding that can occur.

As a divorced father myself, I see her behaving quite admirably. Her intention is to do right by her children and by their father, who also seems like a good man. From where I sit, I can see that she is succeeding.

Amanda is a thoughtful, responsible, engaged parent. That is not inconsistent with the fact that she is a tigress in the bedroom and a blackbelt in the boardroom. That she happens to look great as a Hitchcock blond is *ahem* icing on the top. (Just wait till you see what I have in store for her!)

Amanda isn't perfect. That's a relief, because if she were, she'd resemble the some of the more self-righteous commenters I've seen on this blog. And I wouldn't be interested. I would, however, pity their children.

[Seeeeestor]

Dear Abby,
You say slut like its a bad thing! I did my share of snooping into mama's diary when I was a kid and I am no worse from it. But you seem like the kind of person who considers a confident adult woman who loves her body and goes and gets what she wants, even if it doesnt conform to societies expectations, a bad thing.

My niece and nephew are going to grow up in a sex positive, shame-free environment (at least half the time), and I dont see why that's so terrible.

[Liz]

Amanda I'm sorry to say but your hair looks completely FRIED! Like straw or some bad dreadlocks. I wouldn't be surprised if it all fell out. But hey, if it does look on the bright side, you and Joel can be twins! It will be like you are soulmates.

[Emily]

Um Joel, your opinion here is totally moot since you are boinking Amanda. What else are you supposed to say since you are getting free booty calls whenever you want.

[March]

the point here is not whether she has a healthy sex life that she enjoys to the fullest. the issue here is that she's sharing a bit too much. I had very open sex conversations with my mother, none of them though involved details of her sexual acts or mine. granted, there might be people that like hearing details of the wild sex their parents engaged in, but to most people that is just too much information.
having a healthy sex life and enjoying a relationship is not an issue. how she's presenting it to public consumption is. this is a public blog. which means people that have never met her (and most likely never will) can come and read what she posts and have opinions on what she writes based on the face-value of her posts.

like I said before, it just seems like she's out to prove something to someone by posting all these details of her private life for perfect strangers to read.

and yes, I'd be scared of what a conservative family judge could think of me in a custody hearing.

[Joel]

Emily, when I asked Amanda how I ought to reply to the snark that inevitably would come from my comments, I wondered aloud if I should be condescending, sarcastic or diplomatic. She told me to be diplomatic.

I didn't like that answer and she said, "Oh, go on with your bad self. But no more free booty calls. You have to pay me in cassoulet and fine wine."

So thanks a lot, Emily. You almost ruined a primo booty call for me. I hope you feel good about yourself.

It'll be tough, but I'll try to be diplomatic.

With regard to your statement that my point is moot because I'm "boinking Amanda," I'd like to say that my point is of the utmost non-mootness. I've seen her from all sides. Up close and personal in all kinds of light, weather and humidity levels. In all situations, her skin is fantastic.

Regarding the suggestion that I am only offering praise because I'm getting (what used to be) free booty calls, you don't know me well enough to to say that. If you would like clarification on the matter, I refer you to my many pissed off ex-girlfriends who would laugh at such an insinuation.

Well, I hope this clears things up!

You may have more to say on the subject. I promise to respond if you (a) tell us all what your favorite sex position is and (b) why. Do that and I'll thoughtfully respond to anything you say. If not, well, it's been nice chatting.

Cheers,

Joel "Hey Amanda! Bring me some booty!" Gunz

[Liana]

To me she's proving that she's enjoying her life and open to change, and finding herself - and Joel - wow. *Swoon* kudos to you for standing up for your woman. That's hot. As is Amanda's personality. You people that take offense to what she's saying can go ahead, but I for one really applaud her for being herself on a public forum. Regardless of all the hypocritical, mean commenters. She sounds to me like she'll be the type of mother whose children will feel comfortable talking to her about sex, and maybe asking for birth control, rather than sneaking off to do it and ending up pregnant as a teenager.

[Emily]

Um Joel, you've known Amanda for what only like 3 months now? Let's keep how "well" you know her in perspective shall we? Again your sleeping with her so as long as that is happening, we all expect your opinion to be rather Amanda-biased.

I am sorry but here you are pontificating on how well adjusted children are to divorced parents and mother's airing all their sexcapades for their children to see. Obviously, you are blind by your own situation -childhood obesity in your own child at such a young age doesn't look like well adjusted to me.

Additionally, as March said, no one really gives a crap that Amanda is sleeping around all over the place. She has sex. Who cares? What is bothering her readers is the fact that she tells her readers that if they aren't meeting their guy's "wet dream" fantasy, then they "suck in bed" with their stupid "sandwich" sex. It's the judgement she is passing on her readers that wrong and the fact that she has no regard for what her children or ex-husband think.

You want to know my favorite sexual position? Well, I will say - IT'S NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS because unlike you and Amanda, I choose to keep my sexual business private between my husband and I out of respect for my marriage and children. I don't care to exploit myself all over the internet.