MANDAFESTO

Words to live by for my eager little family:

One of my favorite things about the Internet is that inspiration can so easily become contagious.  So when I saw Isabel Kallmen's family manifesto on Alpha Mom, I immediately started working on my own. I began with my personal mantra - SAY YES - and the rest just followed. Of course I stole my second line directly from the Kallman's because there really isn't a better way to say: DO WHAT YOU LOVE.

When I showed Joel the slip of yellow tablet that held my fragile little plot, he immediately started designing it for me and I about shit myself when I saw what he came up with. I ADORE it and plan to have it framed center stage in my apartment. (He'd be happy to make one for you, too, but I can't promise you you'll get the hot girlfriend discount like I did.  joel.gunz@gmail.com)

My favorite line is the last one:

THRIVE ON DISCOMFORT

Because I don't want to be comfortable. I don't want my children to be comfortable. I don't even want the people around us to be comfortable. Nothing great ever comes easily. If this past year has taught me anything, it's taught me that life only happens when you put yourself at risk. I want my children to risk EVERYTHING to be happy. I am in no way a model parent, but if Alex and Genoa can learn anything from me, I hope to hell it's my fearlessness.

Comments

[heather]

I think you're mistaking fearlessness for complete-freaking-wacko -no-grasp-on-reality-nut-job.

"Be Honest"?? SERIOUSLY!?! Honesty is no where on the horizon with you! You've lied so many times on this blog, no one can believe a word you write!

[Isabel Kallman @AlphaMom]

love it! love it! love it!

[Sarah]

Heather, who the f$&* pissed in your cereal? Oh wait, it was 10:30 at night when you wrote this comment dripping with hate and what clearly comes across as discontentment with your own life...so I'm guessing you feel like someone shit on your entire life?

Amanda, I'm a Facebook friend and blog follower but have never commented. Although lately I feel an overwhelming sense that I would like to personally verbally attack those that find it necessary to make themselves feel better by cutting you down and criticizing every aspect of your life. So, I have to comment at this point.

Heather, I have a fantastic idea. If you are deeply hurt and infuriated by her posts, why don't you stop reading? Unless you are 4 years old and have no sense of reason, there is no need for you to keep reading something you deem as chock full of lies. But clearly something inside of you thrives on her life and the only thing I can come up with is jealousy and envy. How about you stop reflecting your negativity and unhappiness on other people and grow up...your first step--stop being an evil person and bashing people like Amanda who just a few posts ago admitted this blog was a little deceiving in the past with how she used it. She is over it and trying to better herself so why don't you do the same and stop f$&@$&@ reading it if it stirs such nasty emotions in your heart?!

Props to Amanda for a never dull blog and for speaking your mind!

[Liana]

Amen Sarah! Heather, don't you dare judge until you've walked in her shoes. I am in fact going through something similar. A divorce which is shocking EVERYONE because I always focused on the positives of my marriage, and sort of downplayed the negatives and then it all boiled up and now we are getting a divorce. And after all these years, I want to go out and do all these things too! It's like I'd been bottled up and the cork popped out and HERE I COME!

Amanda, you go girl! I love this! I need one for me too! And the whole thing about thriving in discomfort - I need to hear that. I'm very VERY uncomfortable right now and I have to learn tht it's ok to go outside your comfort zone and DEAL WITH IT! So thank you for this post and ROCK ON!

[LizP]

I LOVE your Mandafesto!

[Melanie]

Um Sarah... Like you said, you only know Amanda as a Facebook "friend" and from her blog. NEWS FLASH for ya - THESE AREN'T REAL!! YOU DON'T KNOW HER!! So you have no idea what is true or the damage she has left in her wake.

Also, just because someone has a negative comment doesn't mean that their comment isn't as valid as people (like you) who are stuck on the "way to go girlfriend" bandwagon. Like I said, you can give Amanda props and put other commenters down all you want. But you don't know JACK about Amanda because you are mistaking being "friends" with her on Facebook and her blog as real.

So until you know Amanda personally, keep your judgements about other commenters to yourself!

[Helen H.]

True Melanie- Sarah, if you only know Amanda (or Penelope or whoever the heck she is today), as a FB friend and via her blog (which Amanda has already admitted, as you eluded to, is deceptive), then how can you possibly be so supportive? While I agree that if reading the blog is irritating, one should stop, I also understand that if Amanda is allowing open comments, then anyone should be allowed to comment and SAY WHAT THEY WANT (besides, Amanda deletes comments that she does not like anyway).

I also can't help but feeling that Amanda posted this comment as "Sarah", as the writing pattern and verbiage sounds too much like her for it to be anyone else. Don't know anyone that likes to write "F*&^%$@" as much as she does.

The other thing I find interesting is that very few people comment on this blog anymore. Pretty telling if you ask me.

BTW- Dave if you are reading this (which I hope you are not), I think you should take notice of how things are developing between Amanda and Joel (which, of course, they were not supposed to, per Amanda's previous posts) and figure out how you are going to deal with your kids meeting a man that has been involved w/your ex-wife for all of a couple of months at most, because, of course, the "Separation of Church and State" post is BS.

[Jamie]

I love this so much! So much that I want to come up with one for my family.

[Sarah]

I am definitely not Amanda and you're right, every commenter has the right to speak but how am I any different "insulting" other comments than those commenters that insult and bash Amanda? My main point, although I'm not the greatest at making them sometimes, is that people that simply come here to post comments calling Amanda out should just stop reading.  Why waste the energy on something that clearly infuriates you? And then to bash me because I don't "really" know her. 

You're right, I don't know her but I'm assuming based on you posting your names (unless you are changing them) that you don't intimately know her either. Because I sure as hell know that if I were Amanda (which again, I'm not) I would not continue hanging out or even remotely getting close to people that write the horrible things that have been said here.

I may not know Amanda how some of you claim to.  But the thing I do know:  she's a great writer and I enjoy reading whenever she posts and isn't that what blogs are about? I don't read or continue to read blogs that I find harmful to my health (as you make this seem), insult me, offend me, or in general leave me with feelings of anger and meanness. So I guess some people do and you are right that it is their prerogative, but why?  I try to fill my days with things that make me happy or help me to learn or entertain me. I guess that's just me. And it is sad that I come here to check in and now angry people are ruining the blog for me by continuing to bring negativity here.

I'm sure this will be twisted to make me seem like a bad person, that which I am not.  This is an uphill battle that I will not win. Oh well. I tried, Amanda. 

[Kerri Anne]

The fact that you called this your "Mandafesto" is reason #124 why I love you.

Also, as someone who knows you in real life I am allowed to say I love you without flaming bags of comment poo being thrown at me, right? Just checking.

[Tamara]

Wowza! Amanda, I check your blog almost every day, but I don't ever read the comments. I too am going through a divorce and I take a great deal of comfort in your posts.

I focused on the positives of my marriage as well. Despite being in a negative relationship, however, I didn't leave him, he broke it off with me. He's been content to let our casual connections think otherwise, though, and as a result I've gotten some heat for this "wonderful" life I'm leading at the expense of my children.

I think it's very brave of you to post your life out there, for everyone to see and comment on as they see fit. I don't think I could do it (although I think about it often!)

I find your blog and your story to be inspiring, and I'm grateful that you're willing to share whatever aspect of your life you're willing to post here. I do hope you'll continue!

[Lori]

More than anything, I covet your thick skin. Seriously, if people said to me even half of the (unkind) things they say to you, I would melt into a great puddle of misery and salt.

I am so glad you're happy (albeit uncomfortable), and I think the bald man is a cutie pants.

[Melissa]

I rarely comment these days, because the comments have become such a hotbed of argument and vitriol, but I just wanted to say that whether I agree with yours or not (I am intentionally not saying to avoid feeding either side of the flame war above), I think having a personal manifesto is a brilliant idea. Now I know it wasn't your idea first, but you have really embraced it. I am especially fond of framing it on the wall and letting the world see what you value most highly.

I may just steal your idea. :)

[Jen Zug]

LOL - Melissa, I love your very diplomatic comment and would like to DITTO that! :)

[s.a.]

Maybe your children would prefer to live in a home with their both their parents. Maybe adults don't always get to pursue their ideal dream of happiness, because of bigger responsibilities and obligations- like their children. And maybe readers are responding to this 'new' you so negatively because it all reeks of untruth. Just as you were not truthful about the state of your marriage, I just don't buy that your children are perfectly fine, and aren't mourning the loss of their family.

[SQ]

Call me crazy, but I don't think this works - doesn't thriving on discomfort mean that you stay in an unhappy marriage because it allows your children to flourish? Doesn't thriving on discomfort mean that you bear the burdens and responsibility arising from the bad decisions YOU made (for you, apparently marriage) and turn it into something more, something better. I'm pretty sure there is nothing "discomfortable" about running away from your responsibilities, acting and f*&(ing like a teenager, and generally living on the generosity of others (your ex's free childcare, your family's money).

Unless you mean thrive on the discomfort that comes from others disapproving of your choices... oh, well, that must be what you mean.

[JM]

Children DO NOT flourish when their parents are in an unhappy marriage.

[s.a.]

Many children of divorce do not flourish either.
Children do not prefer to have mom and dad live apart.
Children do not prefer to have their lives torn asunder.

My issue is with what the author of this blog (whatever she is choosing to be called) has put out for our consumption. Her marriage was great. Then it was terrible! So a divorce. And now this "my single life is perrrrrrrfect, I am dating the perfect man OMG how i love being single!!!". The kids love that their parents are split up!!

If past behavior is a predictor of future behavior, next Tuesday she will tell us that she is actually miserable, and so are the kids.

[elaine]

S.A. - I think I love you! Ha ha! I agree with your comments completely. I have never in my life seen anyone as full of shit as Amanda.