This post is me trying to come up with reasons NOT to like Joel Gunz.
Because I'm really not ready for a boyfriend yet and damn that bald man if he's not making it awfully hard for me.
He says things like, "I like surfing this desire with you." Mmmm-hmm. Ya think? Me too.
He is my go-to gastronome, personal sommelier and an unabashed foodie. But only because he likes things that taste good. Not because he's trying to be some uppity douche-bag foodie.
He won't eat my Sizzler toast dipped in Ranch dressing. Because he's never been to a Sizzler. Which warms the cockles of my netherplaces.
He lets me watch him shave his head. Even when I freak out that he's gonna cut himself.
He can't be in the same room with me for more than an hour without nailing me to the nearest surface. Vertical, horizontal or otherwise. It don't matter to him as long as we're connected by the lips. Like, NOW.
When I broke things off with the breakfast maker, he immediately insisted on making me breakfast. It wasn't so much out of vindication or gloating as it was because he wanted to make sure I ate a good breakfast.
It took almost a week for him to make me said breakfast. Because making me breakfast would inevitably involve getting out of bed.
He says things like "This is the only weather I can't stand. It's like... unseasoned potatoes."
He immediately understood why I absolutely couldn't live without this painting by J. Hill.
He brags about my crab dip on the radio.
He bought me a gift and had the waitress at Brasserie Montmarte deliver it to our table, even though it was steadfastly NSFW.
He knows how to make a memory.
He does this adorable hugging routine with his daughter when he drops her off.
He never EVER uses ellipses unless they're grammatically necessary.
His grammar is actually quite stellar. You know. For a writer.
He does that thing. Yeah, that.
He knows EVERYTHING. Seriously. He even seems to know what he doesn't know, which is even more important.
He is never afraid to ask a question. In fact, he asks more questions - and more intelligent questions - than anyone I have ever known.
He has really fantastic friends.
He is my soul(music)mate. On our drive home from the coast, we listened to Ella Fitzgerald rock the Duke Ellington songs books. There was a good 30 mile stretch where Ella didn't sing a single word in English. It was all delicious scooby-dooby scat. He loved it. "Back that one up so we can hear it again!"
Someday I'll get to see him play drums.
In fact, the only thing I can think of that I DON'T like about being with Joel Gunz is that when we're together, I miss his juicy text messages.