I've never lived alone before. I stayed at home until my junior year of college, then spent a semester in a dorm at USF before moving in with Dave at the ripe old spinster age of 20.
So this is a first. One of many I've been having lately. First bank account! First lease! First time camping out on an air mattress in an Internet-less apartment for a week!
It's equal parts terrifying and magnificent.
Initially I was hit with an overwhelming sense of freedom. Like I was a teenager let loose unsupervised in a beach town. I had to fight the unspeakable urge to hide behind a fence somewhere and smoke cigarettes. I wouldn't even have to hide the smell from my parents! I'm the grown-up now! I can do whatever I want!
But it turns out all I want to do is dance to Motown music, paint my toenails red and eat quinoa right out of the pan. So that's what I've been doing. Mostly.
I've also been missing my children.
The apartment is freakishly quiet.
I'm sure I'll get used to this living alone business once it becomes a routine because it's definitely not all bad. Solitude actually has quite a bit to recommend, like:If I don't feel like making dinner, no one is disappointed. Not even me.
When I put the can opener away? It stays there! Right where I put it!
I'm accountable only to myself. Whether or not I make a good supervisor is yet TBD, but I've always thought of myself as an entrepreneur. I'll call this latest venture an investment in myself. Good thing I have an aggressive outlook and a long-term time horizon because I'm one hell of a risk.
I get to choose every song.
And all that food in the pantry? Is for me.
It definitely helps that I don't have to worry about my kids. Their father adores them and is every bit as capable as I am of seeing to their safety and well-being. I can relax at least a little knowing they want for nothing in my absence, except maybe my affection. And they'll get that in spades every other week starting on Monday.
Of course that won't help me miss them any less.
Or stop me from crying every time I see them.
At least the apartment is nice.