Every divorce has its reasons, but mine can be explained with a single word.
I love David. I will always love David. But I'm not in love with him.
Two stupid little letters.
Sadly, in this case, small words matter. Some words weigh more than others and this one just got too heavy for me. The more I tried to forget about it, the heavier it got and the harder it was for me to face my own life. I found myself hiding from everyone - you, Dave, myself.
I even hid from my children.
The past two years have taught me that I can control a lot: What I do. What I say. What I show the world. But feelings are stubborn. Making them go away is easy, but I'll be damned if I can figure out how to make them stay.
I know I've spent years waxing rhapsodic on my husband. On our marriage. On saying yes. On doing it right.
I meant every word. That was me trying to put in in its place.
This is me admitting defeat.
Note: I intend to keep comments open on this entry because your participation in my life thus far has been mission critical and I can't imagine discouraging it when I need it most. Please just understand that I'm the only one here up for grabs - disparage me any way you want and you'll be preaching to the choir - but even the tiniest slight toward David will be deleted post haste.
I also want to apologize for not having the balls to tell you this news in person if you're somebody who deserved to hear it that way. I tried, but I just didn't have it in me. I'm sorry.