The thing is, I've never loved my husband for his W-2. As generous as it was, even in the blinding brightness of 20-20 hindsight, it pales in comparison to how much I love simply having him here. I know I'm going to miss him when he goes to back to work (or when I do) and that's... strange. Especially since part of me so badly wants to miss him right now. So badly wants to kiss him goodbye and know I have the next eight hours (or 10, or 14, depending on his case load) to eagerly anticipate his return.
But the zeros on his paycheck don't matter; they never will. I keep telling him he should go become a park ranger or work at a gun shop or something. I just want him to be happy. I love my husband because he lets me be me. Hell, he encourages it. And in doing so, he makes me feel like the only woman on earth. I can count the number of times I've ever said no to my husband on one hand. Why would I say no to him?
Our love is hot and cold and far from perfect - is there even such a thing? But I'm pretty sure that if we know the secret to a strong marriage, it's this: SAY YES.
To everything you possibly can.
I say yes when the kids are napping. I say yes when they're downstairs watching Mythbusters. I say yes over the phone and by e-mail and if the old man ever figures out how to use his cell phone, I'll text him YES every day. I purr my yes on Saturday night and grumble it at 3AM on Tuesday, even when all I want to do is go back to sleep.
But I never regret it.
From our very first day, I knew I loved Dave because he felt like coming home. Thick and thin - and lord knows in nearly 15 years together, we've had our share of both - I still want to come home to him. I still can't wait for him to get home to me.
Because big house in the suburbs or not, DAVID is my home.
I may be worried as hell and biting my nails down to stubs, but when I'm lying in bed with two-day old makeup under my eyes, grease-slicked hair and Ramen-breath, blandly discussing the merits of broccoli salad and my husband interrupts me midstream to say "God, you're so beautiful," well, I know we're going to be okay.
Love it.
Posted by: Alison | November 22, 2009 at 09:11 PM
Exactly.
Perfectly said.
And he should TOTALLY become a park ranger. Because then I might actually think camping is safe.
Posted by: Annagrace | November 22, 2009 at 09:34 PM
Isn't that what love is so often about? Saying "yes." :-)
Whenever I'm talking with someone about the fact that my husband is in the Navy and is sometimes gone for six months at a time, I almost always hear things like, "I don't know how you DO it," or, "I would NOT be able to be apart from my husband for that long." My response is always the same: I'd rather be married to Troy in the Navy than not be married to Troy at all. When people are lamenting the fact that I have to move every couple of years, I agree with them that there are aspects of moving that aren't great, but I assure them that I really don't mind, that it doesn't really matter where we live, because as long as he's there, it's home.
I totally get what you mean, is what I'm saying. :-)
Posted by: bethany actually | November 22, 2009 at 11:03 PM
So sweet. So very happy that you can find the sweetness in this bitter moment.
Posted by: Kim | November 23, 2009 at 07:36 AM
This is awesome!!! It's rare that you can find a person to fall in love with that just makes sense to be with and feels like you've been with all of your life. I'm glad you found your's and I'm glad that I found mine. Hope you have a great Holiday season and bright things for the new year.
Posted by: Jessica | November 23, 2009 at 07:38 AM
I can honestly say, this brought me to tears. I have one of those men, and I count my blessings every single day that I do.
I wish you nothing but the best, and I know that with that kind of love you already have it.
Posted by: Melissa | November 23, 2009 at 09:08 AM
That's beautiful - one of your sweetest posts ever. I'm lucky enough to be able to echo you and Melissa and say that I have one of those men too and I still pinch myself after nearly 20 years. It's an awesome responsibility being loved by a man that much and I try to live up to it every day. Well, most days - somedays I don't quite get there! You guys will be great and you don't need it, but I'm totally crossing my fingers for you anyway.
Posted by: Amy | November 23, 2009 at 11:33 AM
(The rest of us aren't commenting because we're JEALOUS of your sweet husband.)
Posted by: Sue | November 23, 2009 at 09:13 PM
These posts make you more human and loveable. I, too, used to think that if I followed the right steps then our needs would be met. When my son was diagnosed as mildly autistic, we moved to the SF area where there are more resources and yet our house didn't sell; so we are four people in a two bedroom apt, renting out our home and hoping it sells someday. It's not the end of the world, but I did have to readjust my expectations of life, bigtime... Family is the most important thing, so hang in there!
Posted by: western mama | November 24, 2009 at 12:33 AM
AWESOME! I totally agree.
Posted by: Shelly | November 24, 2009 at 07:21 AM
Amen, sistah!
Posted by: Sara | November 24, 2009 at 09:27 AM
So good to remember the LOVE!
Posted by: 6512 and growing | November 24, 2009 at 07:42 PM
Ah i've been following you on nano! i have a dave too, details at my website. We have almost exactly the same wordcount and mine is my second, too!
BG
Posted by: Billygean | November 30, 2009 at 07:43 AM
Beautiful! Really, truly beautiful...
Posted by: Darcy | April 07, 2010 at 05:03 PM
Buildings are expensive and not everybody can buy it. However, credit loans was invented to support people in such kind of hard situations.
Posted by: AtkinsonGabriela29 | April 08, 2010 at 10:27 AM
beautiful. you write about everything that i've been searching for.
Posted by: laura | May 12, 2010 at 11:40 AM
OH MY GOD, we were SO not okay.
I love/hate this post.
Posted by: Amanda P. Westmont | February 01, 2011 at 09:08 PM