Three

My daughter spends most of her three-year-old days flailing her limbs wildly around the house in various stages of undress. She calls this DANCING and while she's doing it, she also makes ups nonsense words and LA-LA-LA's at the top of her lungs, which she calls singing.

I call it awesome.

I also call it the first of what will undoubtedly become a long list of Things That Freak Me Out Because holy crap on a cracker, THAT'S ME.

I spent 96% of my free time as a child singing nonsense songs and dancing. There is VIDEO evidence of this trait my daughter and I share. It's almost as if she's mimicking the 4-year-old me. The strange this is that, well, OBVIOUSLY, I never run around the house flailing my limbs askew and singing, so she didn't learn this from me. She just... DOES it. The same way she sasses her brother and cocks her head to the side to chastise me and puts her hands on her hips.

Do you know what the craziest part is?

I NEVER WANTED ANY DAUGHTERS.

I wanted two boys.

And yeah, I should probably lie like everyone else does and say "it didn't matter as long as the baby was healthy," but it DID used to matter to me. I was terrified of having a daughter.

TERRIFIED.

And now, like every mother who ever went before me, I can't bring myself to imagine a world without my daughter in it. I can't believe I ever wished she had a penis! What was I thinking. The fact that she was born without one enriches my life in ways I never could have imagined.

The only description I can come up with for the way I feel about her is this: SHE'S MY GIRL.

I don't believe in God, not yet, but the universe sure seemed to know what I needed a lot better than I did.

Comments

[Tamara M.]

I think those thoughts about my daughter daily. I too only imagined myself with boys.

Thank you for that post!

[Christa]

Jeeez...you really made me cry with this beauuutiful declaration of love. Yeah. Well, the same goes for two boys though ;-).

[jessica]

yes. yes to everything in this post. And I can't help but feel like she saved me from destroying myself. I'm so thankful for my girl.

[Angella]

After two boys I wanted a girl...but didn't realize how MUCH I had wanted her until I heard the doctor and nurse scream, "It's a girl!!"

I totally relate to the "She's my GIRL" feeling.

[L]

The universe is like that, yes, it is!! Like, who knew I needed Roasted Cauliflower and Magic Meatloaf in my life?? But I must have, because I found your blog! They and you are delicious :-)