Mandajuice

How to find a preschool in 12 impossible steps!

I've been looking for a preschool for Genoa for next Fall and so far the process has been about as fun as my annual papsmear.  Here's a numbered list of the individual pains in my ass:

1.  Alex will be in Kindergarten from 9:25 until 12:05.  I could spend a thousand words complaining about everything that's wrong with that (2.5 hours is ALL!?!), but I'll spare you.

2.  We are within the "walking radius" of our neighborhood school, which is awesome! except for the part where he's too young to walk to school yet by himself.  It also means we aren't eligible for the bus.  So I have to either walk him there myself or drive him there on bad-weather days.  So after I factor in the 15 minute round trip it will take me from my garage to the school and back twice a day, I'm left with TWO WHOLE HOURS alone.  This is less than I get now while he's in preschool during Genoa's nap. 

3.  I need to WORK while Alex is at school, which means the timing needs to maximize the very few hours I'll be childfree each week.  This means it's absolutely necessary that Genoa's preschool hours, whatever they are, fall OUTSIDE of Alex's Kindergarten hours.  By this I mean that I need to drop her off FIRST and pick her up LAST, otherwise I'm eating into my PRECIOUS TWO HOURS.

4.  Alex's current preschool has a program for three-year-olds that it is awesome and cheap ($100 a month!) but runs from 9-12:00 and wouldn't work A) because of the time (I'd have to pick her up first) and B) because it's only two days a week.  NOT ENOUGH TIME. 

5.  I briefly considered the closest Montessori school, but it's FIVE TIMES the cost and the program runs from 8:30 to 11:30 five days a week, which would mean I'd have about an hour after making the drive every day.  That would be a REALLY EXPENSIVE hour. 

6.  After schlepping Alex all the way across town to Kingdom Come last year (at a fuel cost of close to $200 a month!), geography has become THE MOST IMPORTANT factor for me.  I know I should be all worried about discipline style and teaching credentials, but I've been around the block.  This will be our FIFTH preschool in as many years.  It's JUST PRESCHOOL. We focus on the academics at home, so as long as the facility is clean and safe, it's FINE.

7. There are FOUR schools within a two-mile radius from my house.

8.  I started calling them on Friday.

9.  They are all daycares, which is fine because it means I'll be able to pick ANY five hours I want on the days she attends school.  I pick: 8:00 to 1:00!

10.  The prices for these four schools VARY DRAMATICALLY.

11.  I thought Kindercare (the closest one to my house) was outrageous when they quoted me 3 half-days a week for $508 per month.  (Actually, they quoted me $127 per WEEK, which is a silly way of making it SEEM less outrageously expensive.) But then I called ANOTHER upscale school nearby and it was even MORE expensive!  The conversation went like this:

ME: I was calling to see what your rates are for half-days.

HIM: Why don't you come on down for a school tour!

ME (with my hackles up because... give me an effing BREAK, I'm not stupid enough to come down there and fall in love with your stupid fancy school and decide to spend twice as much as I want to just because it's so PRETTY. Am SMARTER THAN THAT!): Uh, why don't you just save us both some time and go ahead and give me your prices here over the phone.

HIM: Okay, but I do really think the best thing is for you to come and look at the school.

ME:  How much is it for three half-days a week?

HIM: Let me calculate the weekly price.

ME: Do you charge weekly or monthly?

HIM: Monthly.

ME: Well then give me the MONTHLY price please.

HIM: Fine, but everyone else quotes weekly prices.

ME: But that just means I'll have to use my calculator.  I want the monthly price please.

HIM: Fine, it's: $600 for three half days.

ME: Wow, that's even more than Kindercare!  I thought that was impossible!

HIM (smugly): We are SO MUCH BETTER than Kindercare.

ME: laughs out loud

HIM: I understand if your budget can't accommodate a school like ours, but you should have no trouble finding a less expensive church or government program...

ME (annoyed as hell): Actually, we HAVE the budget, it's just... NOT COLLEGE, it's PRESCHOOL.  Your prices are way too high.

HIM: Well, most other school only require a high school diploma of their teachers.  Many of ours have PhD's!  We have to pay them more and the price reflects their education levels.

ME (trying impossibly hard not to roll my eyes a full 360 degrees into my head): It's JUST PRESCHOOL.  Thank you for time.  Good bye.

For the record?  As far as I'm concerned teaching the average preschool class does not require anything even CLOSE to a Phd.  It requires is a reservoir of patience the size of the pacific ocean.  This is a quality I, myself, will never possess, but it's also a quality that no amount of higher education can teach. The director's patronizing tone and implication that I just didn't CARE enough about my daughter to spend that much on her preschool really pissed me off. 

12. The fourth school I called had decent rates. The best part is that if my business does well (CROSSING MY FINGERS), I can increase her time there to five days a week and it's still less than the snooty school would cost for three days a week.  WIN.

More than JUST a mommy

Yesterday was the closest I've come in a long time to the experience of being a working mother.  Not so much the WORK part, but definitely the being away from my kids part and here's a sad, but true admission:

I liked it.

I quit my job when Alex was 18 months old, which means I've been a stay-at-home mom for about four years now and in that time I've somehow managed to go from cherishing Every Precious Moment to rooting around in the junk drawer for a pair of ear plugs so I can find a few seconds to hear myself think.  I had forgotten how nice it is to A) Do something else - something that's ONLY MINE and B) Find the space to actually MISS my kids instead of doing the happy dance just because it's time to take a crap and maybe, just MAYBE I'll get to shut the door and be alone for five minutes.

It's a strange feeling to finally want something for myself again, like I'm waking up from the years-long nap of early motherhood, wiping the crust from my eyes and remembering that Amanda still exists as someone other than just a MOM.  I'm not saying there's anything wrong with JUST being a mom, in fact I think I assumed that motherhood alone would fulfill me completely and sustain me forever.  (This was Dave's worst fear when I quit my job - that I'd never want to do anything else again!) But the fact that I crave time AWAY from my children, time to pursue my own interests, probably means that's exactly what I need.  It's probably also exactly what's best for my kids. 

Yesterday I dropped them off across the street with Carol and drove into Portland to have a blind date with a fellow would-be writer.  I'm looking to make some more writer friends because my real life friends and blog-readers alike are SO DONE hearing about the book.  I see their (your) eyes glaze over and even though it's ALL I WANT TO TALK ABOUT, I keep a muzzle in my pocket in an effort not to become too obnoxiously self-absorbed (but I AM a blogger, so there's only so much hope...).  Anyway, I not only need a good critique group, but I need to be around people who won't find it crazy that all I think about these days are IMAGINARY people who live and breathe and have relationships IN MY HEAD.  People I MADE UP all by myself.  Basically I need a support group for my mental disorder.

So I had a lovely coffee date in a way-too-hip-for-me coffeehouse in which I felt like I was wearing a giant sign that read: I DRIVE A MINI-VAN (even though I only WISH I drove a mini-van).  But it was great and then I came home in time to take Alex to school, put Genoa down for a nap and work on my book (on which I'm having a mini bout of writer's block! Gah!) and then I spent the entire evening at my writing class.

It was like a break from my real life and I won't lie to you - it was fabulous.  During the hour I had to make dinner after preschool, I actually ENJOYED being with my children.  I wasn't stealing away to my laptop to ignore them - I WANTED to be there in the kitchen with them, making mac 'n cheese and smiling - genuinely smiling - through the constant chatter.  I think I had forgotten what it can be like to enjoy the moment I'm in and it was nice to remember it.

If I keep my nose to the grindstone, this is going to be a big year for me.  I'm going to finish this book (I couldn't stop writing it at this point even if I wanted to) and then while I sit back and wait for my query rejections to come in, I'm going to start my own business, something I've been planning for a long time.  I might be responsible for two small children, but I'm also responsible for ME and now that I'm awake again, I'm HUNGRY and I can't wait to sink my teeth into some breakfast.

Saving money for college

Why hello there!  Many of you have bugged me about the Naked Ledger and how I've basically stopped working on it.  But the truth is I've been saving it all up for the lovely Isabel Kallman of Alpha Mom and the GUIDE TO EVERYTHING (in five easy steps!).  Up first is a post about saving for college and my first piece of advice about that is: Don't. 

Go check it out:

How to Start a College Fund

Couples quiz

Started by Dooce and now making its way around the Internet, here's the most recent Facebook inspired quiz thingie, this one about our spouses.  Leave yours in the comments or link back to your own blog!

What are your middle names?

Mine is Marie.  Dave's is Alexander, which was also his father's middle name (and our son's first name).

How long have you been together?

We met in December of 1995, so HOLY CRAP, a really long time, over 13 years.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?

We talked on the phone for about a month before we first met in person.  Dave was in the middle of his last semester of finals at Cal and he didn't want meeting me to screw up his grades.  I'm pretty sure it did anyway, though, because we talked on the phone almost five hours a day that whole month.

Who asked whom out?

I answered his personal ad, but the first date was mutual.

How old are each of you?

I'm 32 and Dave is 42. 

Whose siblings do you see the most?

Probably mine, just because I have more of them, but Dave's brother is his best friend.  If they weren't BROTHERS, I would've accused them of having an affair a decade ago.  They talk on the phone almost every day.  My siblings and I have mostly as-needed relationships.  They call me during tax season, I call them when my computer dies and in the process, we all remember how much we dig each other.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?

I would definitely say family drama.  (cough) Moving on...

Did you go to the same school?

We were at UC Davis together, but I was an undergrad and he was in law school. 

Are you from the same home town?

No, but we're both from the Bay Area.  I was born in Campbell and he was born in Mountain View.  Both of our kids were born at the same hospital as their father.

Who is smarter?

That depends.  Dave definitely has the higher IQ, but he's not... quick, like I am.  No place in our lives does this manifest itself more frequently than while watching television.  The average episode of Heroes requires that I press pause approximately 47 times so I can explain to Gramps exactly what's going on.  And he still hasn't figured out how to program the voice mail on his cellphone.  But give him a legal problem?  And he'll tear that shit up. 

Who is the most sensitive?

Dave.  I think I manage to hurt his feelings more often and certainly more deeply than he ever hurts mine. I'm quick to anger, but even quicker to cool, whereas he holds everything a bit closer to the chest. 

Where do you eat out most as a couple?


The best restaurant in Vancouver, WA: Roots.  Best happy hour in the history of restaurants.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?

Costa Rica.  It was the last trip we took together, approximately 29 years ago, and I have vivid memories of being bored and wishing we had children to play with in the pool.

Who has the craziest exes?

Dave.  None of mine actually live in the United States, though, so that probably helps.

Who has the worst temper?

Wow.  Both of us.  I get pissed more often, but Dave gets pissiER.

Who does the cooking?

Me, with the exception of breakfast, which is where Dave really shines.  Someday I'll have to post his recipe for hot dogs and eggs.

Who is the neat-freak?

Neither of us, but I am the one always getting annoyed about socks on the floor and coffee cups in the bathroom.  Dave is more likely to notice that the baseboards need to be touched-up or that the kitchen cabinets need a good scrubbing.  (Which is easy to notice, when you're not the one doing the scrubbing).

Who is more stubborn?

Dave with a capital D.  The man is PHYSICALLY INCAPABLE of letting go of an argument until you agree with him.  "Agreeing to disagree" doesn't work.  Oh no.  He'll just keep sending you e-mails with additional logic points until you give in.  This is why he doesn't have his own website and I won't give you his e-mail address to discuss the items he posts in the sidebar.  I WOULD NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN, he'd be so entrenched in debate.

Who hogs the bed?


We split it right down the middle. 

Who wakes up earlier?

The alarm goes off at 6AM and we both roll out of bed as soon as we can after that.

Where was your first date?


He picked me up at work in a borrowed busted-ass Kia that didn't go into fourth gear.  I worked weekends at a naughty card store in downtown Los Gatos. (Yes, that one.)  We had coffee, then we went to Fresh Choice for dinner (both of us were pretending to be on diets), then we saw a movie (a James Bond), shared our first kiss in the lobby while waiting in line to get in and ended up barely watching the movie ifyouknowwhatimean, then he spent the night.  My parents were out of town and hell, I already knew I was going to marry him.

Who is more jealous?

Neither of us has ever had a reason to be.

How long did it take to get serious?


I knew an hour into the first date that he was The One.

Who eats more?


Ha.

Who does the laundry?

I do.  Dave CAN do laundry, but his three socks, one shirt and a pair of pants laundry loads bug the crap out of me.

Who’s better with the computer?


Ha.

Who drives when you are together?

Always Dave. He isn't a big fan of my driving and I'm not a big fan of hearing about it. I also absolutely NEVER have more than one drink and do any kind of driving, so if we go out on a date and he wants to liquor me up so he can take advantage of me, he's stuck as designated driver.

On giving birth

I read my scene just fine last night!  No vomiting, no sudden 32-year-old death syndrome.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I had nothing to be nervous about.  It makes nothing but pure, unadulterated SENSE that I'd be the one in my writing class to break the sex scene cherry.  It went over well.  My teacher's written comment was: "good sex scene" and given how ridonculously impossible it is to write a realistic sex scene devoid of animal-themed metaphors and giant gravity-defying breasts, I'll take whatever chump change I can get.

The more interesting part was the critique.  I really enjoy getting feedback on the novel and seem to be taking the criticism far better than I expected I would. The class is extra helpful because we've all just gone through five weeks of topical lectures on exactly what makes a good novel and that improves the quality of criticism by several hundred percent. 

But here's the clincher: my protagonist's biggest life conflict is the fact that she wants a second child and her husband doesn't.  The reasons WHY are what fill up the book, but I chose this as the top-layer conflict because it's such a common theme among my mom-friends, myself included - the debate over exactly what is the right number of kids.  But I looked around the room last night, which was admittedly barren, several people having gone AWOL for the class this week, and realized I was the only person present who had ever experienced the mind-bending torture of childbirth.

Not EXACTLY my target market for the book.

But the feedback was still helpful and I spent the wee hours of the night making revisions. I have two great long-distance friends editing the novel as well and their input has been equally invaluable (especially so because they are SPECIFICALLY my target market) and neither of them flinched at the things that were brought up in class.  Apparently the parallels between gestating a novel and gestating a child are not at all dissimilar, both apparently prone to assvice that is chock full of contradiction.

Anyway, I got a nice constructive e-mail from the instructor this afternoon that totally made up for the fact that I ALSO received an e-mail from the community center saying my "Blogging for Beginners" class had been canceled because not enough people had signed up for it.  And by "not enough people" I mean ONE.  ONE PERSON had signed up for the class I was planning to teach next Thursday.  And even though the class only cost $15 for two two-hour sessions, I'm going to blame The Economy because why not?  Everyone else is doing it.  The good news is this isn't the first time my procrastination has turned out to save me a butt-ton of unnecessary work.  I hadn't so much as prepared an OUTLINE for next week's class, much less spent any time actually thinking about what I was going to cover.  Laziness FTW!

Hot and bothered

My KitchenAid mixer is currently sitting atop my tile counter, sweaty and overheated, enjoying a good smoke after a job well done. At forty-two years old, she's reaching her peak and it only took her eight minutes of action to succumb this time.  Next time she'll require some hand-holding and an extra shot of lube.  Sadly, just like a dirty-old-man, I fear it might be time for me to replace her with a younger model.  This might be her last loaf of honey whole wheat.

Homemade bread aside, I haven't been feeling very domestic lately.  The house is a pit; I'm relying too heavily upon the pots and pans cycle of the dishwasher and I keep turning off the lights so they don't reflect off all the mysterious splotches on the hardwood floors. Genoa dumped out all five of the toy buckets in her room about a week ago and I have yet to pick them up.  The only thing I'm caught up on is laundry and even that is only because it's too cold to go naked for very long.

And the thing is? I'm not even remotely busy.  I'm just LAZY.  And preoccupied with writing my book.  It's going well, but man, it's a slog.  I spend anywhere from two to four hours a day writing/editing/re-writing and I've got all of 15,000 words written.  Two and half months later and I'm not even a quarter of the way through the book.  I suppose I could go faster if I wasn't constantly editing what I've already written, but I guess that's just the way I write.  I'm hoping it will cut down on second and third draft editing time. (ha!)

I'd be lying if I didn't admit I love it, though.  The novel-writing class I'm taking is a big help.  Last week the "this is how to write a novel" portion ended and the "read your work aloud for critique" portion began and it's... interesting.  I'm really enjoying the group and hopefully I'll be able to keep in touch with some of the other writers after the class is over.  Tonight I plan to read my first chapter in its entirety, including a sex scene, and let's all just cross our fingers that I'll be able to get through it without having to breathe into a paper bag afterward.  I'll let you know how it goes

Valentine's Day Redux: Zombie Defense Fortification Edition

Friday night I made the kids a pizza.

Saturday my friend Tana and I spent the afternoon as founding members of the Best Wives Club.  We took our boys to the gun range before heading out to lunch for burgers together.  It turned out to be a lot of fun, even if I can barely hit a zombie at a 100 yards to save my own life (at least not with an AK-47).

(Click the picture and it will take you to a video on Flickr) For the record, Tana and I were two of FIVE women at the range on Saturday, so apparently sharing your lover's hobby isn't such a crazy idea after all.

Evening bliss

I got a lot of flack when I posted recently about how we've finally been able to get our daughter to sleep through the night, but in hindsight, it has been one of the best decisions we've ever made as parents.  I know not everyone agrees with the idea of locking a child in her bedroom at night and I totally understand that.  It was not something I ever thought we'd do, either, but circumstances were such that it became our last resort and we used it. 

I will heartily roll my eyes at you, however, if you tell me it's physically unsafe.  Locking a child in her bedroom is no different than putting a toddler in a crib from which she cannot escape.  I re-installed the doorknob on Genoa's door backwards so it's easy to access (faster than even opening a baby gate), her bedroom is completely safe and kid-proof, there's nowhere for her to hide in there and we leave the baby monitor on until we go to bed, at which point we unlock(ed) her door, which is the closest one to ours, approximately six feet down the hall.

So far, we've had to do this THREE times.  That's all.  And our beautiful girl child, who for two and a half years tormented us nightly by never sleeping EVER, is now magically going to bed every night at 8:30 on the dot and sleeping through until 6:30 or 7:00 every morning without fail.  It's like we're living some other family's life all of a sudden and not to brag?  But it's full of The Awesome.

So our routine is like this: I make dinner, we eat it, I disappear upstairs with a cocktail to write my book for an hour while Dave plays with the kids, I come down just in time to read stories, brush some teeth and throw my kids in bed for the night.  By 8:40, Dave and I are chilling out in our PJ's on the couch catching up on DVR'd television.

Only last night our DVR stopped working and we realized that not only had LOST not recorded on Wednesday, but all of our usual Thursday night shows were too pixelated to even be watchable (30 Rock! The Office!).  We'd lost our local channel programming and after twenty minutes of complaining to Comcast, the soonest they can come out to fix it is on Sunday morning. (I'm crossing my fingers that BSG records tonight!)  I was given the lovely consolation prize of a $10 credit on our bill.  [So tell me, if you have DirecTV, how's that workin' for you?]  With nothing left to watch on TV, Dave and I went upstairs and fooled around instead, so at least the evening wasn't a complete waste. 

Are you guys planning anything fun for Valentine's Day?  We're meeting our friends John and Tana at the gun range for some rootin' tootin' V-day shootin' fun.  I plan to bring along the video camera, so I promise to come back and share.  Have a good weekend!

Preschool Progress Report

Yesterday Alex's teacher sent home his preschool progress report.  [insert eyeroll here] It began with a checklist including everything from "works neatly" to "goes to bathroom alone" that were graded by either a check mark indicating "good work" or a "W" indicating "working on skills."  Alex received all check marks with the exception of three W's for "Respects authority" (RESPECT MAH AUTHORITAH!), "Respects others' property" and "Follows classroom routines."  None of this was a surprise to me.  He never does what I say either and the only thing he routinely does at home is swipe his sister's crap, usually directly from her hands. 

Academically speaking, Alex scored 100% on the test she included on the second page (number/letter recognition, letter sounds, shapes, etc).  Again, no surprises.

His teacher also went on to write:

"Alex is doing well academically and his fine motor skills are improving. He is working on writing his name (one capital - rest lower case) to fit in the lines on his paper [dude, we gave him a REALLY long name and for whatever reason, he still insists on being called Alexander at school].  Sitting quietly in circle and using an indoor voice during free time are areas where he is working to improve.  Alex shows leadership skills and also will admit when he is not playing with someone as nicely as he should."

Basically, he's future president material.  Obviously.

At home we continue to work on academics and he's making a ton of progress.  A bunch of you get up in my grill every time I mention that yes, I homeschool my five-year-old ACADEMICALLY, but we're just Those Parents and academic excellence is always going to be really important to us.  In fact, we already talk about college, mostly just by answering the phrase "I want to drive a Corvette someday!"  with, "Well then you better go to college, Dude." 

A couple weeks ago Alex caught me watching Wife Swap (shout out to my home girl Jonna!  Holla!) and the episode featured one set of parents who, like Dave and I, were all EDUCATION OR DEATH and another set of parents who were adamant about getting their kid a PAINTBALL scholarship, not for college, but to play more PAINTBALL. 

Now for the most part, I LIKED the paintballers WAY better than the edumacation people (who were portrayed as complete pricks, probably because they WERE), but that's not my point here. My point is that Alex overheard something about the paintball kids NOT going to college and his eyes got big and he grabbed my arm and said, "BUT WHY AREN'T THOSE KIDS GOING TO COLLEGE?!  YOU HAFTA TO GO TO COLLEGE!" He was concerned about THEIR FUTURE.

Phase one of Operation Yuppification: COMPLETE.

[For the record, Alex still mainly wants to grow up and drive an excavator for a living, which is fine with us!  He just has to go to college first.]

Math is his favorite subject and yesterday I gave him his first timed addition test.  It surprised me when he pulled the sheet out of his workbook and wanted to do it, but I figured why not?

Fourteen correct answers in five minutes.  Not bad for a future president!

Oregon is hideous

Yesterday we finally all piled into the car for a drive up the gorge to see Multnomah Falls.   We got off the freeway at one point to stop for gas and ended up on the Historic Columbia River Highway. 

Isn't our part of these United States just HIDEOUS?I mean, honestly?  I don't know how anybody can even THINK about living here.When it comes to nature, Oregon is obviously just phoning it in.

I mean,really, is this the best it can do?I realize it's only February and hence not as green as at other times of the year, but excuses are like a-holes, Oregon, everybody has one. The full photo set can be seen here.