On Being Had

So.  Where to begin with this can of worms?  How about right here:

On Tuesday night we locked Genoa in her bedroom all night.  She had been warned: if you get up even ONE time, we'll lock the door.  And she got up.  And we locked the door.  And she screamed at us in her signature style, which sounds like a furious cross between the Tasmanian devil and the actual devil, for an hour before piling her pillows two stories high, tucking herself in and falling asleep for the entire night. 

I know it sounds terrible: we LOCKED her in her room, but it had come to that.  Over the past week, she had become increasingly defiant, resilient to consequences and immune to punishment.  We had nothing left to do. She'd had us by the short hairs for too long.

THINGS WE HAD ALREADY TRIED TO GET GENOA TO STAY IN HER BED AND SLEEP FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY:

1.  Co-sleeping.
2.  Nursing her to sleep and then gently placing her in the crib/co-sleeper/bed.
3.  Swaddling.
4.  Not swaddling.
5.  Feeding her right before bed.
6.  Feeding her PORK PRODUCTS right before bed.
7.  NOT feeding her right before bed.
8.  Letting her cry it out. 
9.  Letting her cry it out some more.
10.  Moving into her bedroom with her and sleeping with her all night.  For a year.
11.  Night weaning her.
12.  Slowing inching my way out of her bed, teaching her to fall asleep just holding my hand, then with me just sitting next to the bed, then with me four feet away from the bed and finally outside her door.
13. Bribing her with princess crap.  (Which worked until we ran out of princess crap.)
14. Totally weaning her.
15.  The SuperNanny method: replacing her back in her bed without eye contact or speech.  (We did this with limited success for a few weeks, but getting up at 2AM to place a child back in her bed FORTY TIMES in a row is exhausting.) (And, yes, I counted.)
16. White noise. Blackout shades.
17. Extra special Flamingo covers sewn by my mother.  Extra special Disney brand princess covers.
18.  Threatening her.
19.  Screaming at her.
20.  Taking away toys/privileges/princess paraphernalia.
21.  Spanking her.
22.  Completely removing myself from the situation entirely and letting Dave both put her to bed AND get up with her in the night.  For two months.  (She still woke up at least once a night asking for me).
23.  Letting her brother sleep with her.
24. Threatening to remove her brother from her bed.
25.  Removing her brother from her bed.

And I'm sure I'm forgetting a few.

My point is that it's not like Dave and I got annoyed one night and decided to lock up our kid.  It a took a long time to get there.  966 nights of putting up with her crap, to be exact.

Last night, the memory of being locked in her room fresh in her mind and with the explicit threat of a repeat performance if she came out of her room EVEN ONE TIME, she... stayed in her room and slept ALL NIGHT LONG.  Dave and I listened to her on the monitor as she quietly played with her toys and then eventually talked** herself to sleep. 

My only regret is that we didn't go there sooner.  Two out of three of my siblings were locked in their rooms at night without (much) permanent psychological damage; my baby sister was locked in her room THROUGH KINDERGARTEN and we often found her curled up in a pile on the carpet right in front of her door in the morning.

Up until now, there was no other consequence to which Genoa would respond; the child wouldn't stay in her bed to save her own life.  Now we know what works and we're going to use it.  Hopefully sparingly.

I could write another ten thousand words about how Genoa's issues with sleep are ONLY THE BEGINNING, but I'll spare you (and her future embarrassment) the details.  Let me suffice it to say that if there was even the tiniest smidgen of a part of me left that still wanted another baby?  My daughter has killed that part, dragged it out in the backyard, axed it into pieces and buried it deep in the frozen ground.  Genoa is the last two-year-old I will ever survive.

** Things we overheard on the monitor last night included her brother getting up and bugging her (he was admonished and immediately sent back to bed) and my favorite, the speech she seemed to be giving her dolls about how "f*ck is a BAD word!"  Look no further, PARENTS OF THE YEAR, right here, FOR THE WIN.

Comments

[Kathy C.]

You have to be the most HILARIOUS human to ever walk the face of the earth. You will no doubt make the best seller list in no time. And I am NOT kidding.

Bravo to you for the new method. I say do whatever works. And - my, GOD! Is she not the cutest damn thing EVER.

[Rebecca (Bearca)]

Oh man. You guys have it rough with her. For your sake, I hope she's getting out all her defiance before she becomes a teenager. (Ducking, because you probably just threw your cup of coffee at my head!)

[astarte]

Ugh, that a hassle!!! I'm glad you found something that worked for you! Josie's door didn't have a way for us to lock her in when she was little, so we put one baby gate on top of the other, making a screen.

[Robbi]

Wow. I would never consider myself the best mother in the world, but this post made me feel a whole lot better about how I parent.

[ms. changes pants while driving]

you'll find my urge to have ANY babies AT ALL buried in the same cold ground. well, not cold. it's not cold in socal. buried in the 80 degree ground. deep.

[Rhi]

Amanda, you deserve a GIANT cocktail. I shall be buying you one the next time I see you.

[alison]

She IS adorable and I'm pretty sure she knows it. :) I love what you overheard on the monitor. :)

[Laura (not the usual one that comments here)]

Oh, Robbi... the world must look SOOOOO tiny from way up there.

In other news, the "What's for Dinner" sidebar is up and running again. YAY!!!

[jamie]

For the record, I've had to put BOTH kids to bed myself (ie: laying down with each of them) since we moved to the new house. I sleep in H's room mostly, just to keep her down all night, and it's a PITA. I haven't slept in the same bed with A since we've moved. I feel for you, so good job on Genoa!!!!

[G-mom]

LMAO! I especially love the bad word discussion. See she has learned something.
She is a real pistol, God Bless her!

[Nicole]

Two things:

1. All kids are different. This is what worked for yours. Brava for going there - takes guts.

2. I am pregnant and cannot drink; therefore, I invite you, as you need, to consume my portion of alcohol. :)

(as for what you heard on the monitor, can I just say, don't EVER let her hear you laugh when she's doing that :))

[Emily]

Oh my. That was too funny. Not the part that you have been sleep deprived for so long but the swearing part. I know all too well the drama of a kid that wont stay in their bed. I have been sleeping on a childs bunk bed for the past few months. It is killing me but what killed me first was the 40 trillion times I tried to get him back into bed. I am going to try the locked in method. I don't like the sound of it either but I too have tried all the above methods as well. Sometimes, you just have to thicken your skin and do it. Hang in there. You are a wonderful mommy and she will be fine.

I will tell myself that tonight while I try it and listen to the screaming on the monitor.

[Gry]

They are little overlords, our kids, aren't they? Luckily for them they are so darn cute.

[Crockstar]

We had to do this too. We broke the hapbit of coming to our room but then he went to his sister's. When she woke up for the 10th time wet because he wet the bed we had to come up with something else. At first we used a towel over the door to close it really tight, but he still got it open. Then we went to childproofing the doorknob with the plastic covers. This worked and now door can stay open and he still doesn't get up. (took about a week)

Too bad his bio-mom doesn't have the ability to follow through because at her house he still gets up every night and sleeps with her. But she says he knows he can't come in until after 4am. Wow! we had no idea he could tell time.

[Ness]

I feel your pain. We, too, have locked our oldest kiddo in her room after having to get up way too many times with her. (and that was far less times than you!) I work for a hospital - one of the pediatricians I work with used to reverse the handles on the doors so she could lock one of her kids in their room at night also. So, don't feel bad about it! :)
You do what you have to do.....

[Jenny H.]

You can only do so much. I applaud your decision.

And as for Parents of the Year? We have you beat. Try your four year old saying "fuckin-a" AT PRE-K. Yeah, I will be taking that award from you and Dave,thankyouverymuch.

[Jenny H.]

Did that work?

[Amanda]

This parenting stuff is hard! I'm thankful for other bloggers like you who aren't afraid to tell it like it is, even though the Trolls will comment. (I got a Troll on my post today also)

I have locked my kid in her room too, but only a few times. Because it works! Anytime my daughter gets out of bed more than 2-3 times, I will threaten it, and she'll stay in bed.

Thanks for your honesty.

[Brandy]

How funny about Miss G teaching her dolls a lesson! I was cracking up at that one.

As for locking her in, hey, you do what you have to do. I hope this one will work for your sake so you guys can get some sleep!

Scares me for having a baby... I am an evil bitch when I don't get my sleep. I don't know how I would deal with your situation. :)

[Alison]

HYSTERICAL!

[b*babbler]

That is too awesome, all of it. Seriously! It's amazing how they can push that last button, eh?

And the naughty word discussion? I totally expect that from my daughter, only she'll do it the night that we're out and she's being watched by my in-laws. Then again, knowing them and their utter lack of cursing (think "oh sugar" when hitting one's finger with a hammer), they probably won't know what it is that she's saying :)

[jen]

i personally couldn't do it- but hey- whatever works for you. i think you're a brave woman blogging about it though. i'm sure it will bring out more than one troll...

[laura]

omg okay thank you for posting this I AM currently in HELL make that 3 year old GIRL HELL..and as i know how stressful life is with toddlers it is refreshing just to know IM NOT THE ONLY ONE on this planet.. :)

[Ariel]

most of the time your kids make my biological clock tick just a liiitttleee faster. In this case, however, it's an excellent form of birth control! Seriously though, they are incredibly adorable, thanks for reminding me they aren't always full of hugs and kisses though!

[Heidi]

We had to do the same thing too - it worked like a charm. Now my son is a fantastic sleeper.