Mandajuice

2008 Year-End Review

Last year, I made two new year's resolutions: to stop swearing and stop talking about other people behind their backs.  Both were complete FAILURES, so I'm not sure what I'll vow to do differently next year; we'll see.  For now, I thought I'd do this fun year-end quiz from Linda at All & Sundry (seriously my most-favorite blogger out there).  If you're up to it, complete it yourself and send me the link so I won't miss it.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Chopped my hair off, had a root canal, weaned a kid (on purpose), started a novel.

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

No, not even CLOSE.  But I think I'll make some new ones this year anyway.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes!  My cousin Amber.  My friend Annagrace.  My oldest friend in the world, Rebecca.  Two second babies and a first baby. I hope I'm not forgetting anyone.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Fortunately, other than Carol's (evil) dog, Pandy, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

This one.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

Patience.  Presence.  Kindness.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

The election will undoubtedly stand-out forever.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Weaning Genoa.  Growing my own tomatoes (even if they never ripened on the vine).  Starting my novel.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Staying present with my kids.  Balancing their needs with mine.  It's a work in progress.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

I had my first root canal under general anesthesia; does that count?

11. What was the best thing you bought?

Probably my MacBook.  Either that or our new TV.  Technology!  It's what's for dinner!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

David's.

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

David's.

14. Where did most of your money go?

The house.  Food.  Savings.  Inside the gun safe.

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Halloween.  This year was a stand-out.

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

Flightless Bird, American Mouth by Iron and Wine from the Twilight soundtrack.  (From the last scene where Bella and Edward are dancing outside).  I love it even though I have no idea what on earth the lyrics could possibly mean. 

No, seriously, these are the lyrics.  Your guess is as good as mine.

I was a quick wet boy, diving too deep for coins
All of your street light eyes wide on my plastic toys
Then when the cops closed the fair, I cut my long baby hair
Stole me a dog-eared map and called for you everywhere

Have I found you
Flightless bird, jealous, weeping or lost you, american mouth
Big pill looming

Now I'm a fat house cat
Nursing my sore blunt tongue
Watching the warm poison rats curl through the wide fence cracks
Pissing on magazine photos
Those fishing lures thrown in the cold
And clean blood of Christ mountain stream

Have I found you
Flightless bird, grounded, bleeding or lost you, american mouth
Big pill stuck going down

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
a) happier or sadder? Neither.
b) thinner or fatter? Neither.
c) richer or poorer?  Sadly, MUCH poorer.  The value of our house has lost at least six figures.

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

Laughed.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Yelled.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

Exactly how I hope to spend it for the next two decades: at home with my children.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

I think I might have fallen in love with writing again.  More on that soon.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Probably True Blood.  Either that or Mad Men.  It's a tie.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

I don't hate anyone.

24. What was the best book you read?

The Twilight series, no contest.  Although Lonesome Dove would be a close second.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

That I finally figured out how to burn a CD from iTunes.  It only took two days and a few dozen TEARS.

26. What did you want and get?

Almost everything.  I am incredibly spoiled.

27. What did you want and not get?

A new couch?  Peace and quiet, mostly.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

Twilight.  (Sorry!)

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 32 and I spent the evening getting looped with my old California buddies.  God I miss them. 

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Sleep.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Finally giving up and just going with the Ugg boots. But with cuter hair!

32. What kept you sane?

This here blog and all y'all readers.  Thanks for that.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Fancy?  What is this, Bridget Joneses Diary or something?  I'm not much of one to "fancy" celebrities.  There is a super hot model (see page 6) in the Rochester Big & Tall catalog who I look forward to seeing every month at the mailbox.  Does that count?

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

The election in general.  But if I had to pick a SINGLE issue, it would probably be gun control, which I am resolutely AGAINST.

35. Who did you miss?

My California friends, especially Jamie and Deneen.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

My friend Jennifer.  Not only is she funny and sweet, but the woman is made of steel.  She's somehow managed to keep her head courageously above the water during a year that would've easily drowned the rest of us.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

Four drinks is my official limit.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

"I was a quick, wet boy..."

Lesson learned the hard way: Never mail a gift card!

So when the air was finally cleared of wrapping paper yesterday, I noticed an odd phenomenon: I had only opened three presents, one from each member of my immediate family.  It was like Christmas light.  Carol was there and she had generously written each of us a check since the snow had prevented her from getting out to finish her shopping.  But neither the kids nor I had gotten anything from Dave's brother and his wife Lynne, who literally always buy the kids their favorite Christmas presents (Alex's first rideable backhoe loader, Genoa's grocery cart and first doll house, etc. They have a knack!).

And that seemed odd.

So when Johnny called to say Merry Christmas and inquire how we liked our gifts, it came to be known that they sent us three gift cards in three envelopes and none of them had arrived.  However, on the same day he mailed our three envelopes, he ALSO mailed a gift card to Carol, she of the address which is only one digit different from ours, and she had received hers over a week before Christmas.

Hmmmm.

So today Johnny got a bug up his butt and used his receipt to call the Target help line and it turns out that our gift cards were STOLEN and had been spent at a Target in Vancouver on the 22nd of December.  We have the dates, the times, the items purchased, but since no other type of traceable payment was used in the transaction, we have no way of knowing who stole them.  My guess is that they were delivered to the wrong address and whoever got them just decided to go ahead and spend them. 

(I'm sure John and Lynne had our address right, but NOTE TO EVERYONE: If you ever mail anything to the Pacific Northwest, PAY CAREFUL ATTENTION to the NW, NE, SE, SW, etc on your street addresses and never write AVE when you mean ST!  All the addresses up here are remarkably similar and the postal service is remarkably inept!). 

But the part that bothers me the most is that some DOUCHEBAG opened up MY CHILDREN'S Christmas cards from their aunt and uncle and then STOLE THE MONEY from them.  What kind of scum does THAT?  I've received miss-delivered mail a dozen times and have mostly sent it back (or pitched if it was obviously junk), but a GIFT?  I would so go out of my way and drive across town if I had to to deliver someone's, natch, some CHILD's misdirected Christmas gift. 

What LOSERS. 

Anyway, we have enough information to file a police report, but not a lot of hope anything will come of it.  It just really taught me a lesson:  NEVER TRUST THE POSTAL SERVICE and also that sending anything by mail but a check is a huge mistake!  (Sadly, we sent MANY MANY gift cards by mail this year, so we're equally to blame!)

Christmas Redux '08

Christmas morning began unlike any other at the strike of 7:30AM(!).  Mom and Dad were sleepy from not falling into bed until well after 1AM and the lovely scent of dogshit wafted over us from the bathroom, where we've been keeping the dog at night so he won't crap on the carpet.  The kids were excited to get downstairs and see their presents, which consisted of basically everything on their Santa Lists.  And it was snowing!

Genoa ADORES her new kitchen and has been busily doing dishes and feeding us hot dogs and mac 'n cheese and carrots (Thanks to my friend Tonya who found me a TON of fake food/dishes/toy kitchen stuff secondhand!).  Alex had a good Christmas too, but Santa learned his lesson about delivering the kinds of toys that can be immediately played with (dart guns, whoopie cushions) and the kinds that are more project-oriented and less instantly gratifying (a telescope on a snowy night, lego projects, dinosaur science experiments).  Our boy spent a little bit of the day feeling like he had not much to PLAY with and a little bit too much to DO.  The biggest hit with both kids were these cool tracks we found at the mall.  They were crappily made and over-priced but the kids LOVE them.

Around noon I lost two hours building a Lego car for Alex.  I should take a picture of it before it gets dismantled because it's hella boomin' and makes me the official Rockstar Builder of the Mandajuice Family.  Did I mention the snow?  Because it was a seriously white Christmas in every way.

After a brunch of Man-Pleasing Breakfast Casserole and this awesome EASY recipe I found for Cream Cheese Squares, Dave, Genoa and I took a three-hour nap.  The sun went down just as we woke up and we started making our Prime Rib Dinner.  Dave and I agreed to make it TOGETHER and it was a refreshing change for me to not be fully responsible for Christmas dinner.  Dave was totally helpful and even peeled potatoes, sauteed the mushrooms and did the dishes with me afterward.  It was my own little Christmas miracle!

 

 

White Christmas

White Christmas, originally uploaded by Mandajuice.

We're having a mostly white Christmas.

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

(And may your dog learn to crap on the snow! Ours refuses.)

Officially my favorite season

Dave and I felt a nasty surge of cabin fever last night and after seeing a few brave souls go down the street in their 4x4's, we figured, why not?  And we went about leaving the house to do some Christmas shopping.  We had yet to purchase a SINGLE gift for either of our children and Christmas is on Thursday no matter how much it snows.  So Dave tried to scrape his windshield with a wooden spatula.

And it went pretty much as you could expect.  Thirty minutes later he came back into the house covered in snow and said there was no way we could go anywhere.  I had spent the same thirty minutes rummaging around EVERYWHERE looking for the ice scraper I bought him last year for his Christmas stocking.  The one he laughed at.  Finally I sent him next door to see if he could borrow one from the neighbors, who politely said, "Well, we don't have an ice scraper, but you could just turn the defroster on recirculate for a half hour and save yourself the effort."

Oh, DUH.  We are SO from California.

So we bundled up the kids and took them to grandmas and then we braved the roads.

And it was... FINE. 

Right now we have two Nissan Xterra's, both the same models, only Dave's has four wheel drive and mine does not.  And even though Dave and I have both thought a lot about replacing our SUV's, I think after last night, we've agreed that no matter what, we'll always need ONE 4x4.  Dave had SO MUCH FUN driving, I could tell.  He was like a teenage boy again.  At one point he thought he'd just check to see what it was like in two wheel drive and we could barely MOVE, much less get anywhere.  So my car is going to stay in the garage for the foreseeable future.

We hit Target first.In half an hour we had both Santa lists all but 100% complete.  We used my ten percent off coupon to boot!  Then for a burger at McD's, which was oddly, but miraculously open.  Then to Fred Meyer, which was hilariously vacant, but for whining, if silly employees who had nothing to do but joke around with each other and wait for the store to close.

On the way home, we took the long way around the neighborhood, just to check it out and I'm not sure I've ever seen anything more beautiful. I only had my iPhone with me, but I tried my best to capture it. It's hard to tell, but most of what you're looking at here is meant to be an intersection.  The streets are completely white and it's impossible to find the curbs anymore.  When we got home, I yanked out the camera just in time to capture this precious moment:

Neighbors! Skiing! On our street!  They were trying out their new early Christmas presents.

Today there's even more snow and we're expecting another couple of inches throughout the day.  Dave got a call around 7AM saying the office was closed today so we're just going to hang out, wrap presents, do some more four-wheeling and enjoy the weather. 

Snow! Part Deux!

Last night's party turned out to be... intimate.  Only my cousin Scott and his wife Renee and my friend Jen's family were able to make it and that was just because neither of them had to drive more than three blocks to get here.  But it actually turned out to be a lot of fun anyway!  The kids mostly disappeared upstairs and we all sat around the kitchen table eating and drinking and talking.  I can't think of a better way to spend a storm than with good booze and even better company.

This morning there's about a foot of snow on the ground and the top layer is about a half-inch thick with ice.  It's crunchy!  We're not going anywhere.  And we haven't done ANY Christmas shopping for the kids yet or for each other, so we're really kinda hoping the ice melts PDQ.

Here's a brief list of Things I Don't Own, But Never Knew I Should:

1. Snow boots
2. All-weather tires
3. Snow chains for our cars (!!!)
4. A snow shovel (Fred Meyer was sold out yesterday)
5. Socks that come up higher than my ankles
6. Waterproof gloves
7. An ice scraper
8. Long johns
9. 4 wheel drive

And the nicest part was waking up to a CLEAN house!

This might be my last entry...

Because I'm convinced Genoa is trying to kill me.  DEAD. 

Dave had to be in Olympia this morning at 9:00, which, given the weather, meant he needed to leave this morning before 6:00.  I decided to do us all a favor and just sleep with Genoa since I knew she'd be up a lot and he needed to sleep so he could concentrate both on the road and in court today.  (Sadly the court is the only thing in Thurston county NOT closed this morning!)

And Genoa proceeded to wake up THRASHING AND SCREAMING every forty-five minutes.

All night long.

It was almost as if her prayers had been answered.  Instead of having to endure her regular nightly torture session ALONE, she now had an audience for her complaints.

"My pants are bothering me!"
"My hair is stuck on the pillow!"
"THE PILLOW!"
"THE COVERS!"
"I want your hair!  But not THIS PIECE!" (I wish I was kidding about that one.)

Finally, around three AM, I lost it and just stripped her completely naked because I was so sick of hearing how evil her pants were.  You know, the soft cotton pants she'd been comfortably wearing for twelve hours.  Her room is both the smallest and the hottest one in the house, so she was actually fine the rest of the night after she got over the horror of me telling her that I was ALL DONE WITH THE TOUCHING.  She could sleep on HER SIDE of the bed and LEAVE ME ALONE.

The worst part was that I was completely held captive by her demands.  I couldn't disturb Dave and it was too cold to sleep on the couch.  She HAD ME.

Good grief.

It's only 9:30 AM.  You think it's too early for a drink?  You can blame HER.

Merry Christmas to all and to all a GOOD NIGHT

This afternoon I ventured out with Genoa, leaving Alex across the street with Grandma where he reportedly played in the snow and  chased the puppy around.  I honestly thought Genoa would have no trouble napping in her stroller while I dropped another car payment at Target, but she stayed wide awake and crabby! the whole time.  I eventually bribed her with some cookies and a bottle of water, which she insisted on holding herself, keeping it in the cup holder of her stroller tray the whole time.

As we were entering the elevator to the housewares department, she turned around, glared at me and said, "Watch out, MOM, you're gonna spill my BEER!"

All I can say is at least we were in the elevator ALONE!

The shopping trip deteriorated from there, her insisting I buy her all kinds of crazy princess crap whether it was even remotely her size or not and I mostly refused, getting out of Target with a $7 hat (and $350 worth of other Christmas GLEE).  The drive home was even less pleasant; she screamed all the way across the bridge at which point Dave called to avert me away from the ice that was stopping traffic at our usual freeway exit.  I pulled off the road figuring I'd hit up a Fred Meyer on my way home, at which point Genoa was fast asleep in her car seat.

I NEEDED pasta sauce (what good is a lasagna without sauce?!) so I dragged her into the store where she promptly started screaming her guts out.  I brought the stroller thinking she'd nod back off, but ended up having to hold thirty some-odd pounds of flailing screaming girl flesh in one hand while I pushed my stupid SUV-at stroller with the other.  By the time we got to the checkout, my arms were burning and I had to put her down so I could scan my groceries.  I figured the self-checkout lane would be fastest and least no poor cashier would be stuck standing over my screaming child while she worked.

So I put Genoa back in the stroller and the screaming began anew.  Then, like a GEEEENIUS, I used the wrong credit card, the one on which we are over our limit (I always set our credit card limits low because it's better for your credit rating.  We never carry a balance, but like clock work EVERY December I forget that we spend DOUBLE what we normally do and forget to send an early payment.  I paid it online today, but the card won't work until tomorrow, DUH).

So I stood there in the checkout lane while Genoa screamed and I'm not talking about FUSSING here.  No way, I'm talking about this evil wailing death-roar of DOOM, the kind of screaming you do when someone's coming at you with a knife.  Genoa's no pansy and her cranking-it-up coincided perfectly with my awesome credit card DENIAL screen, which then completely froze my screen with that "PLEASE WAIT FOR ATTENDANT" message. 

And so I waited.

And waited.

And Genoa screamed.

And screamed.

And the poor people around me just trying to buy enough beer to get them through the snow storm kept shooting me these sorry glances. (I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and assume they were sympathetic rather than just angry.)

And the grocery store attendant was blindly shooting the breeze with some customer when I COMPLETELY LOST IT.

I yelled (seriously I wish I was kidding, but I actually YELLED), "CAN YOU PLEASE DO US ALL A FAVOR AND RESET MY STUPID MACHINE?!"

And then it took THREE people to fix it.

While Genoa SCREAMED.

And that is eight minutes of my life I would very much like to forget.

NOW it feels like Christmas

Yesterday they called off the world because of an impending ice massacre that never ended up happening.  There was some snow, sure, but by mid afternoon it was all washed away by a heavy drenching of our usual liquid variety.  I worried last night because it was really wet out and that this morning we'd wake up to ice, but instead we woke up to a beautiful dusting of snow. 

School was (somewhat inexplicably, to me at least) cancelled and Alex has been hanging out watching Spongebob and helping me bake cookies.  His jobs?  Button pusher, spoon licker, mess maker.  This afternoon we'll probably brave the snow for a trip to Target to finish up with our party prep.  Genoa hasn't been feeling her best (has a fever and a slightly runny nose, seems viral), so she's been either snoozing on the couch or expecting me to hold her.  If she doesn't get better by Saturday, we'll have to send her to grandma's house, which will break my heart.

Did I mention we're having dinner for 30 here on Saturday night?  That is if the weather cooperates and people can actually get here.  If not, Dave and I will be heading straight for liver damage to get through all this liquor ourselves.  According to the news, which is the funniest thing on TV these days [FLUFFY APOCALYPSE NOW!  BATTEN DOWN THE HATCHES!], we should get a break from the snow on Saturday, so let's all cross our fingers.
Until then, this former California girl is loving it.  More photos can be found here, including this one of the tulip tree that Dave had the great idea to decorate.

Snow!

We got our first snow over the weekend and it's been as exciting as you'd expect, which is to say REALLY REALLY cool until to actually try to exist out in the 25 degree weather for more than an eighth of a second. I think the word I'm looking for here is... COLD.

Over the past few weeks I've been noticing that I tend to do my worst parenting in the ten to fifteen minutes immediately before we have to leave the house to go somewhere, usually to take Alex to preschool.  I get super crabby and start yelling, "Get dressed! Why are you doddling?!  It's not my job to know where YOU left YOUR shoes."  etc etc, call CPS, etc...  I HEAR myself being terrible and yet somehow I'm also powerless to stop it. 

I told Dave over the weekend that I planned to change my ways mostly by getting the kids ready to go a good hour or so before we actually need to leave the house and today was my first shot at it.  I did REALLY well, stayed calm, never yelling or losing my marbles.  When it was time to go, I gave us an extra FIFTEEN minutes to get out the door, just so I could keep my cool the whole time.

At which point BOTH CHILDREN started maniacally screaming, tears running down their cheeks, sobs catching in their throats.  Why, you ask, WHY were my children acting so insane?

Because I made them put their coats on.

I know!  I'm the world's most EVIL mother!

Even though I had kept my cool all morning, after ten minutes of screaming about THEIR COATS, I found myself telling both of my miniature lunatics that if they didn't get their asses into their coats BEFORE I COUNTED TO THREE, Santa wouldn't be coming this year AT ALL. 

They both cried all the way to school.  With their goddamn coats on.

The snow really is beautiful though.  I wish I could do justice to the scenery today, but my camera lenses aren't long enough.  We live right in the shadow of Mt. Hood, an inactive volcano on the Oregon side of the Columbia River gorge.  Today the sky is bright blue and when you look East, it's as if a pointy white Pillsbury Dough Boy is towering over you.  I'm pretty sure it's the one instance in which I can use the adjective MAJESTIC without it being cheesy.

Remember the famous tree scene in Twilight where Edward and Bella are a million miles up looking out over the gorge?  Well that's OUR gorge and views like that are available within about a ten minute drive from our house.  I swear living here will never get old.