On Xanax...

I took my first Xanax last Wednesday and my first impression was that it made me sleepier than I've ever felt in my life, like the way you feel when you doze off on the couch and you're in that twilight place between sleep and reality.  That, and it really didn't allow me to breathe that much better in the magic way I had hoped it would.  I took a nap and felt better, but my anxiety has been steady now for several days.

I've taken probably three Xanax since I got the Rx filled (by my local Target Pharmacist, named Jodi, who I have a friendly little crush on.  She's such a nerd, but in a totally lovable and really REALLY proficient and good-at-her-job way.  Is it weird that I want to invite her over for dinner?).  Subsequent doses seem to be helping with the anxiety and the death-sleep seems to have been a first-time-only side effect.

Why do I have such anxiety, you ask?  Like Joe Biden, I can give you a "three-letter" answer: Obama.  Not so much HIM, per se, just the stress of the election in general.  The entire thing has filled me with a permanent sense of dread.  I'm terrified of what will happen if Obama wins (not the man, just that I'm ideologically opposed to tax and spend liberalism, particularly in a down economy) and I'm equally terrified of what will happen to this country on an emotional level if McCain wins.  Basically this is a no-win election for me.

The worst part so far was getting an e-mail yesterday from one of my old California friends.  I know she didn't INTEND to hurt my feelings and was really just trying to be funny, but man, I read her e-mail and before I even had time to process it intellectually, my body had a PHYSICAL response.  I literally felt my shoulders tighten and my neck started to pinch and of course I stopped being able to suck in a full breath.  I wouldn't call it a panic attack, but it was the closest thing I've ever had to one.

I don't really intend to single her out, it just... REALLY upset me, not the content (I know a lot of people will think it's funny), but the fact that she sent it to ME.  The insensitivity of it.  This is a friend who absolutely unequivocally KNOWS I'm conservative.  Anyway, she sent a photo of her kids dressed up for Halloween (an annual photo that I always look forward to because her kids are adorable and we miss them) and the following commentary:

"...Not sure if you can see [our son's] new Red State look in this photo.  For those of you who don't know the story, he knocked out a tooth last weekend.  It has been more traumatic for [his father] and me than for him (he doesn't care at all).  He looks like he belongs in overalls with no shirt underneath and ready to go cast a ballot for McCain.

Not pictured in the photo is Mom, who dressed as the devil and wore a McCain/Palin sticker and a "Hockey Moms (and Satan!) 4 Palin" tag."

I e-mailed her back basically saying isn't Barack Obama all about peace and tolerance and acceptance?  Because joking that McCain voters are toothless no shirt hillbilly DEVILS is the opposite of that message.  Hope and change start with respect, not intolerance.

Later Dave and I drove to Oregon to buy him some (tax free) shoes and we parked next to a car with a bumper sticker that read, "Republicans put the dumb in freedom."  And I seriously wanted to punch someone. 

If Barack Obama wins this election, I will be a good sport about it.  I respect the ideology that leads a person to vote for a Democrat.  Yes, it is different from MY ideology, but that's okay.  I would never assume that STUPIDITY is the foundation of one's party affiliation and it bothers me, no ENRAGES me that anyone claiming to be a liberal would not extend to me the same decency and respect.  I realize that not all liberals are like this and I have many excellent and kind liberal friends both here and in California, but getting that e-mail made me extremely grateful (again!) that we live in Washington.  Sure, it's still a blue state, but I definitely feel like conservatives get a lot more respect here than we ever did in California.  For the most part here, there isn't that underlying assumption that all Republicans are knuckle-dragging war mongers. 

If we really want to improve this country, we ALL have to be open-minded and respectful and when we reach across the aisle, it shouldn't just be to slap someone on the other side.  My biggest hope for Tuesday is that we can all remember that, no matter who wins.

Comments

[taylor k.]

I am very much against Obama's "share the wealth" and "eliminate our gun rights" views. It is NOT right to take the money from hard working americans that saved to give to the lazy people who don't work because they don't want too.

There is welfare (that needs to be reformed) for the truly needy and disabled - other than that GET A JOB! I work in health benefits and I can't tell you how many times a day i get calls from people who want free insurance. These people make upwards of 80K annually and sometimes even over $300k. I have been to england and I have seen first hand how it DOESN'T work. I have also been to a state hospital (Ben Taub in Houston, Texas) for a friend of mine and saw how horrable that was. Socialism does not work in any form!

I started working full time (at the food court in the mall in the afternoon and pizzahut at nights and fuddruckers on the weekends) when i was 15 and saved and saved and saved so that i could buy my house when i was 18 (working 3 jobs at once and going to school). There is NO reason why a able bodied person can't do the same. I am 23 now, married and have one child. There is no reason why i should take the things i worked hard for in life and give them to people who don't want to work.

i too am exhusted, and although i hope Obama doesn't win I will be happy tomorrow (i hope!) that its over.

A vote against Obama is a vote agaist socialism.

[taylor k.]

I am very much against Obama's "share the wealth" and "eliminate our gun rights" views. It is NOT right to take the money from hard working americans that saved to give to the lazy people who don't work because they don't want too.

There is welfare (that needs to be reformed) for the truly needy and disabled - other than that GET A JOB! I work in health benefits and I can't tell you how many times a day i get calls from people who want free insurance. These people make upwards of 80K annually and sometimes even over $300k. I have been to england and I have seen first hand how it DOESN'T work. I have also been to a state hospital (Ben Taub in Houston, Texas) for a friend of mine and saw how horrable that was. Socialism does not work in any form!

I started working full time (at the food court in the mall in the afternoon and pizzahut at nights and fuddruckers on the weekends) when i was 15 and saved and saved and saved so that i could buy my house when i was 18 (working 3 jobs at once and going to school). There is NO reason why a able bodied person can't do the same. I am 23 now, married and have one child. There is no reason why i should take the things i worked hard for in life and give them to people who don't want to work.

i too am exhusted, and although i hope Obama doesn't win I will be happy tomorrow (i hope!) that its over.

A vote against Obama is a vote agaist socialism.

[taylor k.]

opps! somehow my comment posted twice. just delete the extra.

:)

[taylor k.]

opps! somehow my comment posted twice. just delete the extra.

:)

[alison]

I think it's great how this election has everyone talking and involved. This is the way it should always be.

That said, I hope Obama wins by a landslide. :) And in California, I hope Prop 8 goes down.

I'm such a liberal.

[lcg]

I sure agree about the super stress of this election. I have friends who are therapists and they are saying lots of patients are using their hour of therapy time to vent about the candidates and to express their fears.
I've worked on this election and have found it rather thrilling. One of the most distressing things has been the negative ads. I think turning off the TV and being selective about computer stuff can go a long way to diffusing some of the angst.

One thing I would caution (as a nurse)....be careful with the Xanax. Very addictive. There are many medications that might be more help. Perhaps staying away from TV and pundits and increasing exercise might help. But hang in there. I'm really enjoying your blog.

[Danell]

I'd really like to split some xanax and maybe a box of tissues with you...sniffling and saying "I know! I know! Me too!"

Pass the paper bag. (Deep breaths)

[Ali]

Very well said!!

[Tracy]

**HUGS**

Let's just be positive and hope common sense (and those of us apparent hillbilly rednecks with no teeth) prevail tomorrow. If not, we'll get through. We're Americans, regardless.

[Rachel]

Sadly, there will forever be slandering of each political party member by the opposing political party and some of those who vote for that party (I'm thankful to say that while I poke fun at people -- I don't do it in a nasty or cruel way). Heck I have a sticker that says "Rednecks for Obama"... so... umm... lol.

Anyway, don't think it's just us democrats doing the dirty talk. I can't get on facebook without being sent a piece of "flair" that likens Obama to Hitler or speaks of him as a terrorist. So it goes both ways. I figure, as long as you/I are not the ones doing it then we should just brush it off our shoulders and be thankful that we at least know how to be respectful.

[Farrah]

Delurking after 3 years to say I am also am stressed about this election I have even started biting my nails again, a habit I gave up 5 years ago. I can't wait until the election is over.

[OMSH]

I'm from Texas, so...thank you.
I'm reading and nodding, nodding, nodding, nodding, and though I didn't even vote for either of the major parties (I have no confidence they can handle debt since all I hear is 'spend'.), I still hate the stereotype attached to Conservatives.

[Michelle]

I was at a wedding on Saturday and there was a nice, older couple at our table and he was very gregarious. The two of us talked about politics all throughout dinner, agreeing on a lot of things, I like and respect McCain, he likes and respects Obama, etc. It wasn't until an hour into our conversation that my friend, seated between us, an undecided voter, asked us each who we were voting for. I would consider myself a very liberal democrat, and he considers himself a very conservative republican. we are obviously each voting party lines

to me, that is what politics SHOULD be like, and I commented on that - how there is a pervasive belief that dems and reps cannot or will not communicate nicely and sanely with one another. And, by the way, this happened in MASSACHUSETTS, I know, I know.

There are uninformed voters on both sides, and I too am terrified of what tomorrow will bring (though I prefer Ativan, and I have less sleepiness with it)!

[Kendra]

I think your last paragraph states it perfectly. It shouldn't be about blaming one side or other or making liberal or conservative out to be a bad thing. It should be about solutions and progress, not name calling. We all learned that lesson on the playground a long time ago. I think it is time to demand better of our elected leaders.

[elizabeth]

I've been ignoring the news and staying away from those blogs like Sarah above described. It seems there are some very strong opinions out there and I don't need to read that.
Maybe I'm too oblivious? What with your stress and everyone else's. And someone we know wanted to come spend the night at our house this evening because they fear riots tonight if Obama does not win!
But I do agree with you on your point that people assume you're stupid for being a republican. I read something a week or two ago about an old man in someone's neighborhood and how she would go chat with him. But then he put out a McCain sign and she felt so sad that he was just doing what he always did: vote republican. And that she probably wouldn't be stopping by anymore because of it. What???
I voted and now I'm hanging out and getting ready for work later. I hope it's not stressful there... we've had some heated discussions in the past.
I'm so tired I can't even think straight. I'm going to take the kiddos out to enjoy the 70 degrees we're having today and try not to get worked up.

[susan]

Well, now you know how I felt, watching that train wreck of a president get voted in again 4 years ago. I was seriously ready to move out of the country. That was anxiety.

[Rebecca]

Delurking here. I enjoy reading your insights, especially on the Naked Ledger.

I'm with ya, sister. I have received unsolicited emails from friends and it is highly irritating. I'll be glad for this whole ordeal to be over.I don't understand how anyone can vote for a candidate who is the most secretive presidential candidate in history. His affiliations alone are terrifying, not to mention his proposed policies.

Oh, and by the way, I have a Master's degree, I'm from the south, I drink, and I'm a Republican. Go figure.

[Nat]

I just wanna say I respect your opinion Mandajuice and I pray that you will always be able to have that. If you couldn't express it, it wouldn't be America.

Good Luck to both sides.

[Jamie]

Oh, man. While you and I differ fundamentally in our politics, I certainly hope that things calm down a little for you. I'm so sorry to hear that all of this drama is stressing you out like this.

At the end of the day, I like to think that we can all disagree without being disagreeable. :)

Hope you feel better soon.

[Midlife Slices]

I came here via OhMyStinkinHeck and I have to say that email would have hit a nerve with me too, but that first commenter really put the cherry on top and I want to shove that cherry up his/her nose. Grrrrr....... I'm from the "South" and I'm actually a registered Democrat but I'm embarrassed to admit that outloud. I'm embarrassed at how Dem's have shown intolerance and ignorance in example such as have been listed, but yet are the first to scream "foul" if a Conservative looks at them wrong. I voted for John McCain and I refuse to even watch any of the election returns because I'm afraid it will make me sick to my stomach.

I've talked about this on my blog and you wouldn't believe some of the comments I've received from foreigners who say their country is laughing at Palin...blah blah blah. It makes me furious, especially when they turn around and cheer Obama and he's no where nearly as qualified as even Palin and he's running for President, NOT VP.

Sorry for the rant. Wake me up when all this is over!!!

[beth]

You could come up with some equally horrifying liberal stereotypes and the uninformed voters who expect Obama to "pay their gas and mortgage". It goes both ways people...there are just as many liberals who follow the trendy crowd, believe stupid forward e-mails, and are grossly uneducated.

There are also radicals on both sides of the fence who don't understand the meaning of tolerance whether its their faith or their political correctness that "inspires" it. Neither group is worse than the other in that way.

In the end, everyone should be respected for their beliefs whether you agree with them or not, and that includes not mocking them or the party they affiliate with (or religion). Its not fair to mock the whole and then clarify "oh, but I didn't mean YOU" it still hurts and it shouldn't be done. And when people stoop to levels of name-calling, they just show themselves for the hypocrits they truly are.

PS. I know she is your friend, but I find using Halloween (a children's holiday!) as an excuse to be hateful and pander politics pretty tacky. Its even worse that she pulled her kids into it. You don't agree with their politics, fine, but they are still human beings, and no they aren't "evil". Geesh.

[Rachel]

>> To quote midlife slices >> I'm embarrassed at how Dem's have shown intolerance and ignorance in example such as have been listed, but yet are the first to scream "foul" if a Conservative looks at them wrong.

-- Yes... I could say that exact same thing replacing the word "Dem's" with "Rep's" and "Conservative" with "Liberal", and it would still be totally true. It's funny how we blind ourselves to the faults of our own party in the quest to find faults with the other. I've come to realize that they're all (democrats and republicans alike) incredibly guilty of showing intolerance and ignorance when it comes to their opponents and their opponents parties.

You should not be embarrassed that you registered as a democrat. I'm sure (or rather hope) that if you thought the democratic candidate was the right one for you then you'd vote for him/her with no problem. One candidate shouldn't make you embarassed of the political party you registered for...

[Another Amanda]

You've just lost me as a reader. What is it like living in a fantasy world?

[Belinda]

I haven't read through the many comments, but just wanted to let you know that I COMPLETELY understand the phenomenon of election anxiety (and funnily enough, I, too, am taking Xanax for it!). My symptoms are a racing pulse, pounding heart, instant flushing and sweating, and a fight-or-flight panic response, where my cortisol levels and blood-pressure rise and I feel like I'm going to die.

I also wanted to share an article with you that really hit home for me, and to publicly commit to giving up the bitterness and fear I've harbored over the last eight years, as this writer has done. Maybe it will make you feel a tiny bit better, as it did me (It's not the focus as suggested in the title that spoke to me, but you'll know the part I mean when you get to it): http://www.huffingtonpost.com/david-quigg/dear-conservatives-break_b_140578.html

Thank you for being kind, compassionate, and gracious. "Red or blue, we love you."

[A Massachusetts Democrat]

"Hope and change start with respect, not intolerance." Perhaps McCain and Palin could have set a better example of this policy. Be upset all you want at insensitive Democrats, but be aware that this goes both ways. In my opinion, Obama has been the single most gracious and respectful candidate for whom I have ever had the honor of voting.