The friendly neighborhood sex offender

On Friday it was finally warm enough for us to take Genoa's new trike out for a ride.  Even though she kept climbing off and on it, she LOVED it.  I have to say that the feature wherein I get to completely control the handlebars without having to bend my ancient arse over to do it?  Is AWESOME and totally worth the extra fifteen bucks!

Together we did a big lap around our neighborhood.  I like to look at the houses; Genoa is on the prowl for puppies and meow-ers; Alex hunts for power tools.

Sadly, the only person we encountered that day was the neighborhood's sole registered sex offender.  In a crazy but timely conversion of circumstances, I had only learned about this man's existence 24 hours earlier.  A friend had mentioned him and Dave and I had just looked him up the night before.  He was arrested for "Rape of a minor" fifteen years ago.  I'm not sure how much time he served, but I can tell you the eerie feeling I got walking past the man after just having witnessed his creepy mug shot.

Another neighbor had been out walking her fluffy white dog, the very dog that made the bike ride worth the price of gas for Genoa, and this neighbor stopped in front of the rapist's house to chat with him.  He was outside working in his yard with a leaf blower and the two of them were laughing and enjoying some friendly neighbor rapport.  Alex took one look at the leaf blower, which was still on, and dismounted his bike to walk up and ask about it.  Every hair on my entire body stood on end as I pushed Genoa closer and watched this man show Alex how the leaf blower worked.  The entire exchange lasted no longer than ten seconds before I hurried Alex along and told him we needed to keep going.

Two blocks later when we were finally well out of earshot, I stopped Alex and told him I needed to talk to him.

"Remember that man with the leaf blower?"

"Yeah."

"Well, he's a bad guy.  You didn't know and you didn't do anything wrong, but I don't want you to talk to him ever again." 

"How do you know he's a bad guy?"

"There is a place on the computer where parents can go to see if any bad guys live in our neighborhood.  Last night Daddy and I looked it up and we saw a picture of that man.  He once hurt a child very badly and went to jail for it."

"I won't talk to him ever again!"

"Our neighborhood is very safe, but since we know that man is a bad guy, we should just stay away from him.  When Sister gets older, we'll warn her about him too, okay?"

"Okay.  Can I see his picture?"

"Sure, as soon as we get home."

And as soon as we got home, I pulled up the website and showed Alex the photo.  I could tell he was a little scared by the whole thing, but in my mind, that's pretty much the ideal response.  In hindsight, I'm GLAD we saw him the way we did because it gave me the opportunity to point him out and warn Alex.  The timing was perfect.  I should also say for the record, that our neighborhood is very safe.  I feel exponentially safer living in Washington state for a multitude of reasons [not the least of which is the state's dedication to the 2nd Amendment], and the number of registered sex offenders HERE is actually far far less than the number of them living near our condo in California.

The part that still leaves me annoyed was that the other neighbor was so happily chatting up the child molester.  I'm going to give her a pass and assume she just didn't know, but still!  Part of me wanted to scream, YOU'RE CAVORTING WITH A KNOWN CHILD RAPIST.  How could she DO that?!  Of course, I will never utter a single word to this man.  He's a criminal and I wouldn't want him coming after me or putting my children in danger.  But I'll also never walk by his house and casually nod at him, or even make any eye contact.  As far as I'm concerned, he deserves to be shunned for the rest of his entire life.

[Edited to add: Y'all, he's an OLD man and he raped an under age member OF HIS OWN FAMILY.  He's the WORST kind of predator, soulless enough to hurt someone he should've protected.]

I think it goes without saying that all parents should assume EVERYONE is a child molester.  The only good thing about living near a registered offender is that it's the evil you know and one less person you have to guess about.  Even if you don't have children, I highly recommend consulting the FBI's National Sex Offender Registry.  You can never be too cautious when it comes to the safety of children.

Comments

[cindy w]

Well, I think that first of all, you have to give the neighbor walking her dog the benefit of the doubt, because I'm sure she didn't know about it. I never thought to look up my neighborhood until you just mentioned it. (And thankfully, no sex offenders in my area, which isn't surprising since most of our neighbors are of the livestock variety.)

I think you handled it really well with Alex. You didn't get into too much detail about what he did, but letting him know that the guy is bad and he needs to stay away from him is plenty.

[Steph]

I think you handled it brilliantly with Alex... I am going to find out if there is any register I can look up for my neighbourhood.

[Anon]

Do you know the details of his crime, exactly? There are people on the sex offender list who are there simply for having sex with their boyfriend/girlfriend. If a boy is 18 and has 15 year old girlfriend, they can be charged for statuary rape, even if it was consensual.

Not saying that's a good thing, just saying not every person on the list is dangerous, nor do they deserve the vigor with which you despise this person.

That said, if this guy truly did hurt a child, then by all means, hate away...

[Amanda]

Thanks for sharing that, and you provided excellent information on how you told Alex about the "bad guy." I've searched the Sex Offender Registry before at my old house, but needed to check my current home. We don't have anyone on the list in my area, HOWEVER....that still doesn't make me feel safe after looking at some of those creepy photos with details of men and the age of the young girls who were their victims. Disgusted....

[Lucy]

This is definitely everyone should look into. I know when we were looking to buy a house I checked it out. Even though we are just now expecting our first child, I didn't want to live nearby any registered sex offenders. One house we almost put an offer on, had one living across the street. That immediately put the house out of the running for me. I wouldn't feel comfortable living there. Glad you were able to point out the bad guy to Alex.

[Carly]

I'm glad the website explained what he had done. I've never gone to look at it before, but I had wondered if child molesters and rapists were lumped in the same pool as some 21 yr old who might have flashed their boobs in public once upon a time.

[C]

I have to 2nd what anon said. I went to high school with a girl who dated an older guy (he was 18 she was 16) and her parents found out and had him charged with Stat. Rape. Now he is marked for life as a child molester even though it really wasn't.

There is a gentleman that goes to my church who was a music teacher and was gay. A child told his mom he was molesting him. THey went to trial he was convicted. AFTER he served time the kid came out and said it was all a joke that he and his friends played on him. Now even though the charges were reversed and he is no longer a RSO he still comes up on the site.

I still totally agree with pointing him out to Alex and what you said and did!

[Kendra]

I really like the way you handled that situation. On a totally different note, where did you get the trike? I love it.

[kalisah]

It's so good that Alex got to see that 'bad guys' can look just like the rest of us. Children have a tendency to think of 'bad guys' as 'boogeymen' and so when a perfectly normal-looking person asks them to help look for his lost puppy, they wander right off with him.

This was an excellent learning experience for Alex and I think that whatever the circumstances of this man being on the list, it doesn't matter. Children should be taught "it's ok to talk but never walk' when it comes to adults they don't know.

[Kymba]

I'm in general agreement with the previous commenters...every situation is different (teenage romances and the like), but caution is always warranted. I make it a point to check the sex offenders registry every quarter for that very reason.

Out of curiosity, what did you mean by Washington's commitment to the 2nd amendment? Does WA state have a higher percentage of gun owners in the general population than CA?

[Amanda]

To Anon & Others: This man is currently in his 60's and committed the crime when he was in his 50's. I didn't want to be too specific because I want to protect the safety of my family, but I know that this man RAPED an underage member of his own family. It doesn't get much worse than that.

[Robbi]

Dude. Okay, I can see you warning your kid about potentially dangerous adults, but to talk about your other neighbor that way just for having conversation? I'm assuming your other neighbor is a grown adult and has the right to talk to anyone they want. Yeah if this guy did rape someone I agree that's wrong, but damn you are so judgmental of other people and have no concept of giving anyone the benefit of the doubt.

[Bunco Bonnie]

Have you registered as the neighborhood "weight offender" ?

[shannon]

did you attempt to find out the circumstances for his arrest? When my sister was 15 she dated a guy that was 20 against the wishes of our parents. My parents pressed charges. Both my sister and the guy were hoonest about being sexually active. He is now a registered sex offender. And they are still together MANY years later.

[shannon]

ok, sorry. just read the comment explaining the 'crime'. I apologilze.

[G-mom]

Boy you caught hell from some people on that post didn't you? I signed daughter & I up for a program that e-mails us when a R.O. moves within a 5 mile radius of either address. Excellent handling of the situation with Alex. The neighbor...who knows maybe she is a "2nd chance believer", not me when its a TRUE molester.
I'm giving you kudos all around. Its not the "good 'ol days" anymore being alert and aware are priorities.

[Melissa]

I think you handled this perfectly. Some people are so unpleasant to you. I just don't get it. You have a right to defend your family.

[SK]

Just wanted to say that's scary having a RSO living so close by... My first thought reading your post was to agree with Anon and think of teenagers being charged for stat rape when the parent(s) don't agree even though the sex is consensual on both parts as it mars a person for life... There was a special on 20/20 about a couple months back. It's too bad that those cases don’t' get weeded out but there is a need for the RSO registry.

[Karen]

One thing to the ones that commented on the teen dating situations, the list of offenders now has the age of the victim and the year they were registered, at least the one here does, so you can see if that person was dating a teen possibly and got charged for that or something else was going on.

[Salamndstron]

There are lots of scary people out there and not all of them are sexual offenders. I think that you handled the situation with your daughter amazingly well and did a phenomenal job of ensuring not only her safety but also her sanity. You made sure she knew to avoid him but didn't give him to much power over her in the department of fear. If you are ever worried about a neighbor then you can look them up on this site. I think its a useful tool since like I said not every bad person is a sexual offender. The link is my name. Good luck raising your kids and I hope that you pass this site on to anybody who may need it in the future.

[Amy H]

de-lurking to say: um, Bunco Bonnie? what the hell does that mean? You mom must be so proud of you for leaving rude comments on blogs. What's your beef here? Are you pro-RSO? I don't get it.

[Ali]

good for you! you handled it really well.

[Melissa]

Wow, I didn't catch on that this was going to be so, uh, drama. Kudos Amanda for handling the situation with Alex well, and know that MANY of us would do the same thing. There's no award for protecting your child like a mama bear, but there should be. :-)

[rebekah]

I lived next door to a SO when I was growing up, before the list existed. My parents heard through the grapevine and just told me never to go in their house ( they had a son in my grade and 2 younger children as well) The problem with the SO registry is that a person who has served their time is never allowed to reacclimate into society, thus making them MORE likely to commit another offense. There are plenty of sites on this. I think rather than calling someone a "bad guy" setting clear rules with your children on what they should and should not do is important.

This doesn't mean I am pro SO as someone suggested of bunkobonnie, but simply that labeling people as "bad guys" is probably not the ideal way to deal with a situation. Many other people you know and come into contact with are also unknown or unconvicted SOs, what your children need is rules on who they can talk to, where they can go, etc.

[midlife mommy]

I haven't read through all of your comments, but I gather from your later posts that some people were offended by what you had to say. I think you are absolutely correct. Child sex offenders ARE going to do it again, unless it's the Romeo/Juliet teenager thing (and I don't think those people belong on the registry). But -- I'm not taking any chances with my daughter. I would absolutely have no problems telling my daughter that a sex offender was a bad guy. Or whatever else I needed to say to scare the living h*ll out of her enough to keep her away from him/her.