A no good, very bad, terrible, awful day

If you want to make sure you're in a craptastic mood for at least eight hours, here's how to start:

Begin your day by building a tricycle you bought on sale at Target.

On a rainy day.

With two kids "helping".

Then be sure to spend thirty minutes installing the incorrect screws into the seat of the stupid, *&%(*&(* trike and then spend ANOTHER thirty minutes UN-screwing those stupid-ass screws. 

Your day will be PERFECT.  Pinky swear!

How can children SENSE that you're in a bad mood?  I swear to all that is holy, Alex has a second sense in which the WORSE my mood gets?  The worse his BEHAVIOR gets.  It's like he can tell I have no patience and for some reason that means the timing is perfect to TEST it.

Yesterday I was already spitting fire from the stupid trike (and the subsequent screaming from Genoa because it was too cold/windy/rainy for me to take her for a bike ride) and Alex had to go and be naughtier than he's been in MONTHS.  He was 100% disobedient.  If there was a competition for NOT DOING WHAT YOUR MOTHER SAYS, he'd be a contender!  I actually said this sentence to him (and I'm not sharing it because I'm proud.  No, I'm sharing it so you'll understand just how BAD he was.)

"You're lucky tomorrow's not your birthday because you wouldn't be getting a SINGLE SOLITARY PRESENT."

And I didn't even take it back after I said it!

The worst of the worst was when I asked him to clean up the eight million tiny pieces of red paper he'd cut up with his wavy scissors.  The first time I asked, he ignored me.  Then he said no.  Then when I screamed at him to do it OR ELSE, he picked it all up and put it on the windowsill.  When I discovered the remains of the mess and instructed him to place it in the trash, he refused, again.  Then he swept it into a pile under his sister's chair at which point I asked him if he'd cleaned up ALL the paper.

And he said yes.

When I found the pile, I was NOT happy.  Lying is one of my biggest pet peeves and how lame is it to lie when you leave evidence of your crime.  Anyway, round what?  fourteen?  eight hundred and thirty-six?  of this stupid paper dilemma continued.  At which point he refused, and said no, and got yelled at and then instead of putting into the damn trash already, he swept the pile UNDER THE TABLE.  Literally.  When I saw it suspiciously peeking out from under the table, I asked him AGAIN if he'd cleaned up his mess.

And he said yes.

And I almost lost my shit with him.  TWO BIG FAT LIES!  Right to my face!  SO. NOT. COOL.

But instead of spanking him, which took every ounce of self-control I had, I angrily shoved the table away to reveal his big fat lie and screamed at him in my loudest, most angry voice and eventually the stupid paper got picked up and thrown into the trash along with his scissors.  (Like I'd ever let him play with those again!)

And after witnessing just how mad I was at him, you'd think he might just have chilled out and started doing what I asked him to do, right?  But no.  It was just one thing after another and by the time 7:30 came around I was gladder than I've ever been to kiss that boy goodnight and shut the door to his room.  Before doing so, I gave him a big hug and promised that tomorrow would be a better day for both of us.

Thankfully, I was right.

Comments

[Katie]

Well, all i have to say is...amen. it seems that my kids always choose my day off to act out completely. it is hard. but i then think that one day, they will grow up and i will miss having someone to ignore me. :)

[Adina]

I have a five year old that shares the same sense of button pushing and because our personalities are so alike she is really good at pushing my buttons! I created a "Success Chart" so when completing small tasks she gets a sticker and once she has filled a line/whole chart we take her to the Five & Below store (upscale dollar store) to let her pick out a "prize" - the reason for telling you all this is that all rows are filled on her chart (make bed, big helper, eat all dinner) EXCEPT "Listening the first time"...she is still working on that one!!! Win some, lose some I guess!!!

[Erin]

For me the impatience and frustration always seems to beget more of the same. And then I wind up using my yelling voice a whole lot more than I want to.

I'm sorry you had such a stinky day.

[kimmie]

ah yes, 7:30pm is a magical time......

over the past 9 years of mommyhood, I've learned that it sometimes actually helps to get up close to the offender and whisper that they are in the biggest trouble ever and they better do what mama says or it's really going to hit the fan.

It's easier on the throat than screaming.

[Jessica]

So, lying is a huge issue with me, too. Not acceptable behavior! Our three-year-old has learned that when she uses her mouth to offend (telling lies), her mouth gets punished (swallow one teaspoon of vinegar). Only had to do it once and now the very threat of vinegar sends her into model behavior. Brilliant, creative, non-violent parenting skill that I totally stole from someone else, and it works!

[trish]

This article really got to the heart of it for me with kids & lying. I have a 3 year old, and the issue of raising him to be an ethical and kind human is just... huge. http://nymag.com/news/features/43893/