My crazy girl

SCENE ONE:
In Target, early Saturday afternoon, I am rushing around trying to buy supplies to finish painting the magnetic strip in Alex's room on Dave's only day off from work.  Genoa's nap time is looming and she does NOT want to be in the shopping cart, so she is SCREAMING every time I look at her, or if I touch her, or if Alex looks at her, or if Alex touches her.  Ditto for if we WON'T look at her or touch her.  She sounds like evil personified.  Amplified. 

THREE different people stop me to see what is wrong with her.  I say, "She doesn't want to be in the cart."  It seems so OBVIOUS to me, but there's no way I'm letting her down.  She won't let me hold her and if I let her get out and run around, we'll NEVER finish shopping and it will make it that much worse when I have to strap her back in again to go through the check out line.  Not to mention the fact that her shoes are in the car.  The child HATES shoes, so I rarely make her wear them, especially if I know she won't be walking around.

Basically, my strategy is to GET OUT OF TARGET AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  In other words, people need to leave me alone and let me finish racing through the aisles so I can get the screamer back to the car.  Finally, as she's screaming her way through the check-out lane, the manager approaches us and starts to chat her up.  "Why is this pretty baby so unhappy?!?"  I know she is trying to be helpful, but I can't help but feel judged.  Genoa so often sounds mortally wounded when really, she's just pissed off.  If you've never HAD a Screamer, you think awful thoughts about why those parents aren't doing anything to shut that baby up!  In reality, I let her scream mainly because I want her to learn that she doesn't get what she wants when she screams.

SCENE TWO:
Genoa is notorious for her absolute distaste for music of any kind.  I know!  A baby who hates music!  Who knew!  But seriously, as soon as she could communicate by shaking her head side to side, she would shake it VIOLENTLY if I tried to sing to her or if I put the radio on in the car.  We've tried everything - kid music, jazz, classical, the dump truck CD Alex loves so much, the Cars Soundtrack, EVERYTHING - she hates all of it.  One of our favorite ways to get a laugh these days is to start singing the theme to the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles.  "Turtles in a half shell and they're Gre-ee-een."  She screams, "NOOOOOO!" every time.

So yesterday on our way to Portland, I decide to put the radio on.  I'm still trying to find some local stations that I like (it seems like 8 out of 10 stations here are Christian or Country, which doesn't leave me much to chose from), so I often settle on the classic rock station.  Forgetting that I'd put the radio on the night before on my drive home from working late at the house, when I turn the radio on, it's loud and AC/DC is blasting.

"It's a long way to the top if you wanna rock 'n roll..."

I sneak a peek in the rear view and my baby is rocking out - big grin on her face, banging her head, LOVING it.  Apparently, she doesn't hate music, she just hates that pansy crap we expected her to like.  I'm so tickled by this realization that I can't stop laughing.  I can't wait to break out all my old junior high favorites!

SCENE THREE:
Over the last month or so, I've slowly accepted the idea that Genoa is probably never going to be a good sleeper.  I've given up.  She wins.  Every night we sleep together on an air mattress on her bedroom floor.  When we move into the house on Saturday,we're not even going to bother setting up the crib; we're just going to buy a full-size mattress, so we can continue to sleep together on the floor.   Maybe eventually she'll sleep through the night alone, but at least I'll be comfortable sleeping with her until then.

So early this morning when it's still dark,  Genoa wakes up to nurse and then immediately rolls over and falls back asleep.  A few moments later, she screams, "NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" as loud as I've ever heard her and before the word is all the way out of her mouth, she's instantly asleep again.  Of course I'm wide awake.

There's no shortage of surprises with this one.

Comments

[Must be Motherhood]

My son has absolutely NO discriminating taste when it comes to music, which has made me equally as sad as your astonishment at Genoa's old skool style. German Polka? Check. Miles Davis? Check. Keane? Check!!!

But he does share Geona's sleeping issues, and as we buy our first house (in a much less beautiful state than WA, I'm sad to say), I've been thinking the same thing about using the spare double-bed mattress on his bedroom floor instead of messing with the dang crib again.

[Rhi]

I don't listen to local radio here - I have XM, but here are some suggestions:

94.7 - Alternative
101.1 - Hard Rock
97.1 - A mixture of stuff, new and old
107.5 - Same as above, but mostly 90s stuff
105.1 - Pop
100.3 - Avoid at all costs (my opinion :))
91.5 - Our NPR Affiliate

[Lon]

Scene Three - I don't speak from experience. I also understand your situation is unique and your solution is ultimately the best one. In other words, I'm not judging.

But in any case, a guy that I work with once told me VERY urgently that I should not co-sleep. They still have to sleep with their 5-6 year old because they started it when he was young and he cannot sleep without it now. He has since quit and works someplace else now, but I've always wondered what he and his wife did when they were "in the mood".

If you can isolate Alex from Genoa in the new house I'd see how she handles seven nights without you and see how she does.

[Alison]

O.M.G. I think Owen was channeling Genoa when we were at Target on Tuesday. He, too, was barefoot and strapped in the cart, screaming for the whole world to hear and drawing a crowd - with several nasty looks from some older ladies. That'll teach us to go shopping at naptime, huh?

[Sally]

Tommy hated music too. He couldn't stand it at all until he was about 2.5. He would absolutely pitch a fit if I tried to sing to him or if we put a CD on. He also hated shoes. We've chatted a bit about how Tommy and Genoa are similar, and these are just two more things.

I'm convinced now that he had a little bit of sesory processing disorder. He just couldn't take the stimulus. He's fine now, so I'm not sure what we did to fix it. Maybe he just grew out of it.

We pretty much did whatever it took to keep him happy and not screaming. The world revolved around him. Some people tsk-tsked us saying he'd turn out spoiled, but I'm convinced that it just gave him room to breathe for a year until he could mature enough to be reasoned with. I guess letting him have his way (as long as it was safe) gave him some feeling of control over his life or something. I don't know. It wasn't a pre-meditated philosophy. I just couldn't take the screaming.

He NEVER screams now. Hasn't had a tantrum since he was 20 months old. It's easy to negotiate with him, thus avoiding power-struggles, because he believes we'll be reasonable with him. It amazes me that he's the same child who used to scream and have strong opinions about every little thing. He still has really strong opinions, but he's figured out better ways to negotiate.

My point? Genoa will probably outgrow some of her intensity too. She'll never be mellow. Tommy certainly isn't. But I bet she'll learn better ways to communicate what she wants/needs eventually.

[Tana]

While I can't relate to the screaming my 3 year old certanily has his moments as well. What I hate most is the looks other people and even Moms give you....either they forgot how there children behaved, they never had any or they continue to live in denial thinking there children are always angels. Until, I had lost all hope there have been a few times in the very recent past when other Moms have witesses my child acting out and they have asked, how old is he??? I tell them and then they say, That is a very hard age! Which for whatever reason makes me feel less judge but then why should care if others are juding me. One thing is for sure. We moms need to stick together and support those we run across that may appear to be having a rough time!

[rachel]

We can get her together with my boy and they can rock out to Van Halen. I am so dreading the day my son sings "Hot for Teacher" at school.

[Julia]

I listened to 105.1 The Buzz (used to be Rosie 105 until Ms. O'Donnell pressed a lawsuit) when I was in high school and only got Portland radio. Z100 (100.3) is really annoying, but I think 107.1 or 107.9 might have some groovin' tunes. There used to be a great station on 107.5 but suddenly it turned into mariachi music pretty much overnight. If you think Portland is suffering for good stations, try Seattle. Ugh. You might also pick up Longview stations in Vancouver and 94.5 is a softer version of 105.1. Aww...I think I'll always remember the radio stations of my youth. (Err...which was only 4 years ago!)

[ferd]

Genoa rocks the house!

[Jenny H.]

That was my day today. And then my parent's late afternoon, early evening. Finally. They acted up for grammy and grampy.

Yeah, it is tough. It'll get better soon. Right?!

[Mary]

Maybe people are upset because Target isn't the most appropriate place to teach your screaming child a lesson. Maybe courtesy for the other shoppers should be higher on your list of priorities in a situation like that?

[Michele]

Ah, Skyler was a screamer. So different than the other 3 who were all pretty laid back, easy going babies.
We were in the grocery store once when he was about a year old. He was screaming and screaming and I was doing the only thing you really can do during those moments, hurrying through trying to get what I needed and get out.
This little old man walked up to us and asked Why is he crying? I said something like, oh, he's mad that he has to sit in this cart and I think he's ready for a nap. The old man said, You ought to whip his ass, remind him who is in charge.
What? Ha! Wow... It was rude in any case, but the fact that it was this sweet looking old guy blew me away.
Yeah, well, thanks for the advice grandpa.

[Jessica]

Mary, last time i checked, Target was not the library. I've never thought of shopping as a peaceful endeavor, and anyone who has ever parented a toddler knows that sometimes you just have to push through it to get your shit done, even if the screaming does offend someone's delicate ears. Leave poor Amanda alone, sheesh!

[Mary]

Ok. I haven't parented a toddler, but I would think common courtesy would be included in things one would want to teach her child. And were I shopping, I of course wouldn't comment to the parent of the screaming child, but I certainly wouldn't appreciate the screaming. And if the manager got involved she must have been causing quite a scene.

[Kelly]

Oooh, I have (had) a screamer too. He's 3.5 now, so has mostly grown out of it, but I remember those days all too well.
I have to say though, if it was Dave's day off, why were the kids with you at Target? I *still* don't take my two shopping with me, and especially not at the same time. That's what dad's for!

[Amanda]

Aside from the manager, the other two people who stopped me in Target were also parents. All three seemed to be genuinely acting out of concern for the BABY, not for the need for silence in Target on a Saturday.

I've said this before, but if I didn't HAVE a screamer, I would've judged any mother whose baby was making such a racket. I think most parents wouldn't understand, so there's no way in the world I'd expect someone without kids to understand!

I needed like FIVE things and the only reason Dave didn't have Alex with him is that we've temporarily taken the car seats out of his car so we can move stuff to the house and buy all our new IKEA furniture.

This too shall pass.

[Amanda]

Seriously, I should be concerned when Sofia (aka Sofie the Screamer) disrupts the peace in Target? Well, I guess it will be better for my budget, as I will have to avoid it 90% of the time.

And we took the crib down three months after we got home, and I have been sharing a full size bed with her since. Comfy and well, I get to sleep!

Take care.

[Sue Also]

Oh brother. Personally? I LOVE it when my kid has a tantrum (which honestly, is pretty rare) in a store and prissy old coots with nothing better to do with their time (and a total lack of compassion) make faces at me or say something rude. Because then I get to tell them to go to hell, and once in a while, you just need that kind of satisfaction.

[dregina]

You might want to read a little bit about sensory processing disorder, see if it reminds you of Genoa at all. Your description of her triggered memories of SPD kids I've worked with, so I thought I should mention it.

That being said, I also want to state the obvious - that you know your child best and that I am mentioning this based on an incredibly small amount of information. Reading your post brought the thought to my mind, so I thought I'd share it - that's all.

[Jenny H.]

I understand the need for discussion, I really do. But? I honestly DO NOT know how you put up with people being critical, and just generally mean.

Maybe "courtesy" should mean that you let things go when you have no experience with the topic at hand.

Or as my mama taught me, "If you don't have anything nice to say about someone, then don't say anything at all".

With so many things going on in your life right now, I have no idea where your unbelievable level of tolerance is coming from. Maybe you could send a dose of it my way?

[Nee Stewart]

I really feel for parents of screaming babies in public. It can happen to anyone, no matter your kid's normal disposition. I usually try to give the parent a little smile, and if my 10 year-old daughter is with me, I usually say something like, "That is an angry baby!" (Besides, angry babies are kind of funny.)

My niece was also a screamer, and she is lucky not to have been given away on the side of the road like a puppy during the trips we made with her as a small child. She outgrew the screaming stage but is now in the snotty pre-teen stage, so her chances for new parents are still pretty high. ;-)

Keep your chin up, Amanda. We've all got your back.

[Kelly]

I forgot to say, in my comment above, that my screamer Owen was not a good sleeper either. (Do these characteristics go together or what?). But, he's 3.5 now, and goes to bed (alone, in his own bed, in his own room, far away from me) every night saying 'I go night night all night long, Mama.' And he does. We coslept until he was 2.5, and the transition was not easy, but I think that cosleeping was the best solution for us, and that putting him in his own bed when we did was the best thing we did. The only thing I would have done differently is to buy a bigger mattress for his bed, so that we could all be comfortable, but space constraints didn't allow it.

[Bite Me]

Oh, please. Amanda is, like, the most critical person ever. If she can't take it, she shouldn't dish it out.

Sometimes I really miss the trainwreckers. Their commentary on the latest run of posts would have been HILARIOUS.

[Jenny H.]

Why would you read a person's blog FOR THE RUDE COMMENTS?

GET A LIFE. IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT- BITE ME!

[mothergoosemouse]

I wonder if Mary is the charming lady who was at my rec center last Monday?