Last night I read Alex his bedtime story, tucked him in bed, then put on high heels and went out to listen to my dad's big band play jazz at DeAnza College. Because of Screamy McScreamerstein and her inability to be comforted by anyone without my exact set of DD's on their chest, I haven't gotten out to see him perform as much as I'd like. I really love big band music, especially when it's played as well as it was last night.
As much as I was enjoying the freedom of sitting in a small auditorium listening to my favorite music, ALONE, I couldn't stop biting my nails the whole time. I found myself feeling mysteriously anxious. Rationally, I know it's absolutely FINE to leave Dave to deal with the fussy baby for a couple of hours every once in a while. In fact, I wasn't even THINKING about her while I was sitting there. But still, I guess part of me still can't relax when I'm not with my baby.
Everything about motherhood is bitter sweet.