More mommy madness

As if the poor dead horse hasn't been beaten enough already, this is yet another post about the Perfect Madness article and everyone's reaction to it.  I spent about twenty minutes reading the Mommy Drive-By thread over at Chez Miscarriage before concluding the following:

YOU MOMMIES HAVE NO BALLS

That's right.  The more sob stories I read about how mothers are publicly criticized for not breastfeeding or for breastfeeding too long or for feeding their children McDonald's or for working outside of the home or for not working outside of the home, etc etc etc, and how HURT these mommies feel as a result of the criticism, the more ANNOYED I got.  Sure, I've been on the receiving end of a rude comment from an obnoxious stranger or two, BUT I NEVER LET THOSE COMMENTS BOTHER ME.  Not for ONE NANOSECOND.  Comments like those only serve to remind me of one of my favorite quotes:

"I love it when stupid people say stupid things.  That's how we know who they are." (Ted Nugent)(of all people!)

Dave is fond of telling me that I am "the best mom in the world" or that "Alex couldn't dream of having a better mommy."  And you know what?  He's absolutely right.  I've never had a moment's doubt about it.  There is no question that I am the best possible mother for OUR CHILD because he is OUR child.  Knowing this and really believing it - believing that Dave and I know what is best for our family - allows me to PARENT WITH CONFIDENCE.  And I fear that a whole generation of mothers is doing the exact opposite.  They are parenting the way Bill Clinton served as president - by holding a wet finger up to the air, figuring out which way the wind is blowing and doing whatever is popular (or feeling guilty for not doing it).

I think a lot of this, at least for me, comes down to personality.  I've never been one to labor over decisions or to play scenes over and over in my head wondering if I did the right thing.  I decide.  I act.  I move on.  It's a pretty simple way of approaching life.  I have very few regrets and even fewer apologies. 

When Alex was still struggling to nurse enough to gain weight, I used to take him down to the lactation center every day for a weigh-feed-weigh.  There were only two scales, so I usually had at least a short wait before I could undress him, remove his diaper, put him on the scale, dress him, feed him and then weigh him again.  I used to crack up at watching the other moms undress and dress their newborns.  THEY WERE SO NERVOUS you'd have thought their babies were made of glass.  I remember waiting almost twenty minutes while one new mother changed her baby into a fresh diaper and a clean onesie, a process that, at most, took me three minutes.  It was as if the fear of making a mistake paralized her.  I bet it never occurred to her that there are many ways to put a diaper on a baby and that as long as it catches the poop, it's FINE.

Now there are plenty of things that I'm sure I've done "wrong".  We don't co-sleep, we don't sling, we've never even considered using a cloth diaper.  I work outside the home and I even let my child cry it out!  But the one thing I've never done?  Is question my ability to be an excellent mother.  And no snide comment about my lack of "perfection" is ever going to take me down that path. 

Comments

[Becky]

Sing it Sister!

[rachel]

I'm really glad to read your reaction to this, Amanda, because I was reading that thread and thinking to myself "Where have I been? No one's ever said such mean things to me!" And only later, continuing to wonder about it, did I realize that oh, wait, yes they had, only it didn't bother me (for more than a few seconds) and I had pretty much forgotten.

I actually find it really freeing to think there is no one right way to mother.

[Bellabelly]

Amanda, lovely to meet you and your blog! I plan to frequent here from now on!!! And by the way? your son is ADORABLE!!

[Laura]

Amanda, I love the way you write. Your blog is one of my favorites to read every day! I always want to comment, but usually have a kid in my lap, so I don't. But know that I read you and think about what you write all the time!

Regarding this post - it's funny, I am MORE insecure as a mother NOW than I was when I had Kayley. What's up with that? I've been parenting for ten years now!! You'd think I'd be more confident, but no. Is it because my kids outnumber me now? Is it because they have a different father, who actually shares parenting responsibilities, so I feel more accountable? I really don't know. I do know I have to constantly remind myself that I know what I'm doing, that I've been doing it for years! It's hard!